Is my SO BPD? Does it matter?

[startrekuser]

How do I know if my wife is BPD without a diagnosis? 

She never wanted to kill herself or hurt herself.  She doesn't practice any life destroying behaviors like drugs. No pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships... .The only issues that she blows up about mainly are the ones related to my family and she's hypersensitive about them.

She exhibits some of the traits explained in the BPD books:  dysregulation, FOG, easily angered, low self-esteem.

When she's upset, she finds everything I say hurtful.  She also become abusive in many ways, but rarely physically.

She's a drama queen like nothing I've ever seen before.

Does it even matter if she's BPD?  Maybe this is just her personality and she's not BPD and I have to learn to deal with her.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Does it even matter if she's BPD?  Maybe this is just her personality and she's not BPD and I have to learn to deal with her.

No, the tools and advice here work with anyone who is "emotionally sensitive'. Use them and refine them to suit your situation. Don't overly stress about a diagnosis, many never get one anyway.

You could find that if the issues with your family were absent, there would be something else

[babyducks]

Everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum.    I end up on the depressive spectrum, my partner on the mood disorder spectrum.   I think the label is not as helpful as identifying ways to effectively communicate and boundaries to prevent escalation.    to use a poor example, I know there is something wrong with my right knee, what is more immediately helpful is to find a way to react that doesn't cause pain and then figure out exactly what diagnosis fits the knee.