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Author Topic: Do you think they ever loved you, or were just afraid of being alone?  (Read 10184 times)
milo1967
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« Reply #60 on: January 28, 2015, 06:42:34 PM »

"I think mine did truly love me. Maybe in a child like way the way because emotionally they are stuck in the child like phase. But yes I think mine did, as much as he was capable. Maybe only for as long as I met his needs but while we were meeting his needs I think he did."

This is true for me. And once someone else came along, she threw away a family and ten years like they were nothing. I even asked her about the replacement, "Are you in love with him?" She replied, "He meets some of my needs." I think she was being truthful in a rare moment. And once I took myself away from her (divorce) thus depriving her of whatever needs I met? Oh boy. I was and am Satan incarnate.
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Climbmountains91
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« Reply #61 on: January 28, 2015, 06:57:28 PM »

What i find confusing is my BPD ex says he misses me when I'm away and not say seen each other for a bit (we see each other once a week). When a typical BPD is out of sight, out of mind. Unless its just one of his string of lies.
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« Reply #62 on: January 30, 2015, 07:33:32 AM »

I was an emotional tampon. Nothing more, nothing less. All I know is I loved her.
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« Reply #63 on: January 30, 2015, 08:41:01 AM »

I was an emotional tampon. Nothing more, nothing less. All I know is I loved her.

yes it comes down to that simple of a analogy. A tampon. When it's done you are thrown out.

It hurts knowing your feelings are so insignificant just a throw away. I'm actually experiencing great grief like many of us are. And love to them is disposable . I get people b/u but the lack of care for a person who stood by them cared for them and loved them is mind blowing. This whole push and pull has left me crazy. I know people occasionally do that in r/s to produce a chase. Intrigue passion at times. Or just because they are needy. But to constantly experience that type of attachment can make u so confused and always doubting urself. I hope I can re learn how to be more secure in myself that when someone in my future says get away, come here or no or yes that it means that... Rather than think is this person saying something else to me? It's very painful because let ur gaurd down then get hurt again or you recieve w a door slamming shut. Soo confusing.
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Technique
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« Reply #64 on: January 30, 2015, 02:27:06 PM »

Mine said the words very early in the relationship, but I very much doubt she even knows what love truly is. To her, love is about need and power, not companionship,loyalty or sharing intimate thoughts and fears.

I'm also a firm believer that these people use partners as 'normalcy' props... .They are so alone an empty in their own company...

'Look at me, someone loves me, I'm relevant!... '

These are the kind of people who are never alone, never out of relationships... Normal people take time to heal when 'serious' relationships end.

Not BPD's!

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« Reply #65 on: January 30, 2015, 08:53:13 PM »

Mine said the words very early in the relationship, but I very much doubt she even knows what love truly is. To her, love is about need and power, not companionship,loyalty or sharing intimate thoughts and fears.

I'm also a firm believer that these people use partners as 'normalcy' props... .They are so alone an empty in their own company...

'Look at me, someone loves me, I'm relevant!... '

These are the kind of people who are never alone, never out of relationships... Normal people take time to heal when 'serious' relationships end.

Not BPD's!

Smiling (click to insert in post). **Correction**. Most times they start a new relationship and "push-off" from the old one to hop onto the new one. I have a shoe print on my forehead to prove it!  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #66 on: January 30, 2015, 09:09:38 PM »

Mine said the words very early in the relationship, but I very much doubt she even knows what love truly is. To her, love is about need and power, not companionship,loyalty or sharing intimate thoughts and fears.

I'm also a firm believer that these people use partners as 'normalcy' props... .They are so alone an empty in their own company...

'Look at me, someone loves me, I'm relevant!... '

These are the kind of people who are never alone, never out of relationships... Normal people take time to heal when 'serious' relationships end.

Not BPD's!

Smiling (click to insert in post). **Correction**. Most times they start a new relationship and "push-off" from the old one to hop onto the new one. I have a shoe print on my forehead to prove it!  Being cool (click to insert in post)

I guess that's what happened to me. Week later with another dude.
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milo1967
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« Reply #67 on: January 31, 2015, 02:11:09 PM »

"These are the kind of people who are never alone, never out of relationships... Normal people take time to heal when 'serious' relationships end."

Yes. This was the hallmark of my XW's life. From 15-29, never without a boyfriend. She would meet someone else, break up with the current boyfriend (destroying him) and on to the next one. I believe she was with me for so long (ten years) primarily because we had children. But ultimately and inevitably she met someone else and left. In the three years since we have been apart, I have dated many women. Not one have I been able to attach to since I am still attached to the woman I fell in love with and was with for ten years. (I'm slowly detaching, though, thank god). This made me realize just how messed up BPDs are. It is still mind-boggling that she was able to simply leave a life, a history, a family, children, and attach to someone she knew for mere months.
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« Reply #68 on: January 31, 2015, 02:49:14 PM »

From August 2013-August 2014, never did a day pass that he wasn't telling or texting me how much he loved me: I was the love of his life, his guardian angel, his best friend, the best person he had ever known. During our last altercation--when he clearly had emotionally disassociated, I cried out, "You never loved me." He was quiet for a few minutes, as if he really was pondering this and trying to remember, then he reluctantly said, "Well... .I think we had fun." All along my best friend had told me, "He NEEDS you; when he no longer feels that he does; he will leave." She was right.

What none of us saw coming was that he would leave without warning: taking my property and owing me $$$ thousands. He never said goodbye to my family or friends or to me.

Sometimes it feels like it never even happened.
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christin5433
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« Reply #69 on: January 31, 2015, 03:05:29 PM »

So basically from what I'm reading I need to prepare for more pain. Her meeting my replacement. I read so much about how they find another person . My split was at Christmas and everyday I'm somewhere in detachment and greiving my loss. It's a loss whether its whoever left. It's a lot of constant suffering . My ex left such in a unusual way it made no sense. But like I read most endings are over the top confusing?  I'm glad in a weird way because now I'm alone and I'm reflecting in my pain of what was real and what was fantasy. It's not love to hurt someone . One reflection is we had such a lousy foundation I'd always say we need to keep these episodes to a minimum so we can build on our foundation. Bpd doesn't know stability ... .It's consistency is impulse. Crazy ?
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« Reply #70 on: January 31, 2015, 03:07:26 PM »

From August 2013-August 2014, never did a day pass that he wasn't telling or texting me how much he loved me: I was the love of his life, his guardian angel, his best friend, the best person he had ever known. During our last altercation--when he clearly had emotionally disassociated, I cried out, "You never loved me." He was quiet for a few minutes, as if he really was pondering this and trying to remember, then he reluctantly said, "Well... .I think we had fun." All along my best friend had told me, "He NEEDS you; when he no longer feels that he does; he will leave." She was right.

What none of us saw coming was that he would leave without warning: taking my property and owing me $$$ thousands. He never said goodbye to my family or friends or to me.

Sometimes it feels like it never even happened.

I feel you... .mine left when I was away... .I received a simple text that our relationship was over  (after more than two years)... .she blocked me from contact including social media where se did the same to my family and friends and convinced her family and friends to do the same... .
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« Reply #71 on: January 31, 2015, 03:28:52 PM »

i'm certain that my stbxw loved me, in the way that a pwBPD understands that. there was no manipulation about it, though she doesn't know what it means to be honest, or forthright anyway, and there was lots that should have been said that wasn't, i believe because she'd have felt exposed, and open to losing the r/s. but in a pattern that (yes) i knew about in her previous life, when someone came along who said "i'll love you harder", off she went. i thought a marriage would be different, but if i thought that, a T said to me, "you don't know character."

i'm 99% certain that i will never allow such a r/s to develop again, because for my part i'll recognize where i'm suppleting my own needs by a r/s, and be wary of acting on that.
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« Reply #72 on: February 23, 2015, 10:06:21 AM »

i thought a marriage would be different, but if i thought that, a T said to me, "you don't know character."

This is why so many with BPD do not tell us about their (recent) past or think that "the past is the past" and it is off limits as far as forming an opinion.

It doesn't work that way for me.  Your character is defined by your actions, which by definition are in the past.  It matters less what you promise or the good game you talk.

People think they can do whatever and then suffer no consequences by waving their hand a bit.
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« Reply #73 on: February 23, 2015, 10:25:48 AM »

i'm certain that my stbxw loved me, in the way that a pwBPD understands that. there was no manipulation about it, though she doesn't know what it means to be honest, or forthright anyway, and there was lots that should have been said that wasn't, i believe because she'd have felt exposed, and open to losing the r/s. but in a pattern that (yes) i knew about in her previous life, when someone came along who said "i'll love you harder", off she went. i thought a marriage would be different, but if i thought that, a T said to me, "you don't know character."

i'm 99% certain that i will never allow such a r/s to develop again, because for my part i'll recognize where i'm suppleting my own needs by a r/s, and be wary of acting on that.

Maxen... .your words could be my words... .I did not marry my ex but I saw the behavior in her long before we were even friends... .and in the end she treated me just like you as well.  I really vetted her out and was cautious in the beginning... .she seemed to express genuine remorse for how she had behaved... .but it was all the sincerely of a 7 yr.old I guess... .also there was no admission or awareness of the repeated cut and run behavior... .only lies and denials... .she said there was no one. I thought that I had this sincere, rational person in my life ... .and she just turned into a lying plastic wind-up toy one day! I feel your frustration! 
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« Reply #74 on: February 23, 2015, 11:01:09 AM »

This dilemma used to drive me nuts and it was one of the reasons I got charmed back into a relationship with my ex after 4 months of NC.  ":)id she really love me?"  I asked her point blank and she said she did and always will.  And about two months later, she said she had feelings for someone else.  In hindsight, I should have run for the hills right then and there.  I mean, who wants love from someone that unstable?  She lacks emotional intelligence and confuses intense feelings with love (in that case, she was scared of the guy).  But I stuck around to prove that what she felt for me was real love.  Her feelings for this other guy soon faded and she professed I was the love of her life.  And we were together for a month or two before the relationship was on the rocks again.  Rinse and repeat.  I think there was some genuine love there because unlike the others I let her be her and didn't judge her for her past.  Of course, I also let her get away with too much, and how can you love someone you don't respect?  It goes both ways, because I lost my respect for her too.
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« Reply #75 on: February 23, 2015, 01:31:39 PM »

Suggest you read Anxiety 5's post "Finally figured it all out. There is no more confusion". Probably the most spot on post I have ever run across and opened my eyes, as it is almost identical to my story, while making me feel even more dumber for falling for this BS. Here is a sample:

"When we met she was separated yet not divorced. She had taken a huge blow to her ego by being rejected by her now ex husband. This was the ultimate loss of control. This is why she sought a relationship so soon. It was not to find love, it was to regain control and to self validate. To prove to herself she could be desired. To find a new source of the supply that was lacking to the point of debilitation.

She cried one time in the beginning because I went to the store. She wanted to hang out with me. When I took things slow because I was worried about the things she was going through she pushed harder for a physical relationship. The more I kept things slow, and stopped her advances the more she sought to hook me. She was desperate for validation. She needed someone to control.

I was love bombed into oblivion. I was smitten in a way I never had been before. It was an incredible rush. We took trips, we talked for hours and we had amazing conversations. I was validating to her that she was still desirable. The moment I let my guard down, she pulled away. It was her first test to see how well she had controlled me. She cheated on me twice, I found out. She said two really bizarre things to me then I never understood. One was "This can't be over. It's not over yet. I need this. I need you." She also said "I could tell by the hurt in your eyes how much you love me and it made me so sad."  These statements can be translated to the fact I validated her self worth through her ability to cause pain in my life. And the type of rush she felt meant she needed more of it. I was confirmed as a great hit of narcissistic supply. She wasn't done yet. She needed more."

Bingo. End of story. As I have mentioned before, I was an emotional tampon for her for 16 months. Once the ego was rebuilt, I get dumped for someone more acceptable to her lifestyle and circle of friends I was hidden from for the most part. She "thought she loved me" but I was simply an ego booster. Dumped via text with a "I finally know what I want". Thank you, please pull forward... .
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« Reply #76 on: February 23, 2015, 01:49:56 PM »

Bingo. End of story. As I have mentioned before, I was an emotional tampon for her for 16 months. Once the ego was rebuilt, I get dumped for someone more acceptable to her lifestyle and circle of friends I was hidden from for the most part. She "thought she loved me" but I was simply an ego booster. Dumped via text with a "I finally know what I want". Thank you, please pull forward... .

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  I am so grossed out but laughing hard! Sadly that analogy makes great sense. I've called myself an emotional sponge, but never thought of a tampon, not even once, till now.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

It doesn't work that way for me. Your character is defined by your actions, which by definition are in the past.  It matters less what you promise or the good game you talk.

People think they can do whatever and then suffer no consequences by waving their hand a bit.

This is so to the point and exactly what it took me decades to come to--that so much is just WORDS! I finally had to start telling myself that in my head when I would start to feel happy about some plans my ex made for us, because when it came down to the actual doing I was gonna be disappointed.
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christin5433
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« Reply #77 on: February 23, 2015, 02:54:33 PM »

Suggest you read Anxiety 5's post "Finally figured it all out. There is no more confusion". Probably the most spot on post I have ever run across and opened my eyes, as it is almost identical to my story, while making me feel even more dumber for falling for this BS. Here is a sample:

"When we met she was separated yet not divorced. She had taken a huge blow to her ego by being rejected by her now ex husband. This was the ultimate loss of control. This is why she sought a relationship so soon. It was not to find love, it was to regain control and to self validate. To prove to herself she could be desired. To find a new source of the supply that was lacking to the point of debilitation.

She cried one time in the beginning because I went to the store. She wanted to hang out with me. When I took things slow because I was worried about the things she was going through she pushed harder for a physical relationship. The more I kept things slow, and stopped her advances the more she sought to hook me. She was desperate for validation. She needed someone to control.

I was love bombed into oblivion. I was smitten in a way I never had been before. It was an incredible rush. We took trips, we talked for hours and we had amazing conversations. I was validating to her that she was still desirable. The moment I let my guard down, she pulled away. It was her first test to see how well she had controlled me. She cheated on me twice, I found out. She said two really bizarre things to me then I never understood. One was "This can't be over. It's not over yet. I need this. I need you." She also said "I could tell by the hurt in your eyes how much you love me and it made me so sad."  These statements can be translated to the fact I validated her self worth through her ability to cause pain in my life. And the type of rush she felt meant she needed more of it. I was confirmed as a great hit of narcissistic supply. She wasn't done yet. She needed more."

Bingo. End of story. As I have mentioned before, I was an emotional tampon for her for 16 months. Once the ego was rebuilt, I get dumped for someone more acceptable to her lifestyle and circle of friends I was hidden from for the most part. She "thought she loved me" but I was simply an ego booster. Dumped via text with a "I finally know what I want". Thank you, please pull forward... .

Funny stuff it's great being out of the FOG still waves of pain which I rate from 1-10 daily and just say I gotta feel this. But me too love bombed in beginning I also was in love bombing just to own my part. But my love maturely grew sure I got sick of the episodes later 4 years of ups and downs and when she was down I figure get urself back up. I think that's about when I began being less liked. Turned black . I figured we needed to learn to not drain each other and try to add to the r/s? My plan. The problem is both have to be on that page Smiling (click to insert in post)

So did she love me ? I guess. I know I loved her. The fact is now after the extreme b/u beyond disturbing I'd have to say we ran our course. I can't ever look at her the same. It would be like looking at a monster. So grant me the serenity to change what I can. Me. Take care of me
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« Reply #78 on: February 23, 2015, 03:13:10 PM »

I know this is a question that gets asked a lot and there seem to be many different answers depending on the people and circumstances, so I can only speak for my situation.

I have no doubt mine loved me when she loved me.  It would come and go and was by far the most difficult aspect of being in the r/s with her.   I generaly loved her consistently and almost unconditionally.  She loved me when she was regulated which wasn't very often and would usually last about 3-4 weeks.

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Mutt
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« Reply #79 on: February 23, 2015, 03:26:33 PM »

I think my ex cared about me. She left bread crumbs after the break-up and I was too angry at the time to see it. Few messages far in between from each other. I wish she could explain more and this is who she is. In two years, I saw a look on her face after I had rejected her that showed how hurt she was. She gave me numbers to get help because she thought I may hurt myself. Finally she said I didn't mean for things to end the way they did, I know it was hard.

I don't know what it feels like for her to survive day to day and I also don't think she realizes how hurt I was when she abandoned me. She's mentally ill, has real and legitimate impairments to her social skills. I think we loved each other differently, if she truly didn't care she wouldn't of made an effort to give some sort of apology. The words were there; I missed them because of how angry I was. My anger justified after having lost my family, affair, and reasonable access to the kids. It was hard not seeing your kids when you're used to seeing them 24 / 7.
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« Reply #80 on: February 23, 2015, 05:35:07 PM »

Mutt I do agree the not seeing my step daughter has been odd. I told her before she raged, smear campaigned , texted abusively , had others text me abusively, came over w police, had her ex try to beat me up at storage... .And prior to all that several weeks of blacking me out so negatively ... .During Christmas and new year not including the utilities and accts she shut down immediately... .

My point is she has wanted our girls to hang out. They see each other at school . I'm def out of FOG 2 months post b/u. I recently have felt some normalcy the last week.

I can't even think after such a insane hate bash like that do u just say sure lets let kids hang out? It's been too hard to even think that's possible. She's been quiet shes on her own agenda now . I'm also healing and enjoying my new found life in me I was depleted when this whole thing went down. I'm glad I've been able to share my ups and downs here 
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« Reply #81 on: February 23, 2015, 05:51:47 PM »

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I agree it is odd for her to want to have your girls hang out. Things are still raw.

I'm happy to hear that sharing your ups and downs here helps and you focus on your healing.

This is difficult stuff.

Hang in there.
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« Reply #82 on: February 23, 2015, 06:16:57 PM »

Once my head had cleared and now that I look back I know my ex cared about me.  There was a while I really wasn't sure because the way I was devalued and the push pull behavior that involved triangulation.  What was damaging when I felt like a vulnerable child and looking for guidance was told he other people she didn't care about me and a host of other ways of demonizimg her.  

The thing is now I realize she cared a lot about me. It does in fact make sense and now in retrospect it is quite simple for me to understand.  

So demonizimg other people's exs and telling them they will never understand it can harm people as these are merely things one is telling themself at the time to cope with the shame trying to convince others of their reality because one is confused.  

It was extremely confusing for me! And that's an understatement.

There really is light at the end of the tunnel but it comes through empathy, compassion and forgiveness.  It is a painfull journey and you have to find your own voice.
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« Reply #83 on: February 23, 2015, 09:06:55 PM »

I think at first in the early days he was desperate he wanted to find the replicant of his ex, he put on the same songs they listened to, was a bit obsessed with me to be honest. Nowadays its for him to get through another day. I was his day of supply, like "ill have this person on this day, that person on that day cause i cant be alone". Thats how i see it anyway b
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« Reply #84 on: February 23, 2015, 09:27:47 PM »

Mine told me that she had given me her heart, but that she just takes it back from time to time.  She also told me that she did not know what unconditional love was and that she did not see her own value/worth.  These comments were HUGE red flags of someone that did not operate from any place of healthy love and acceptance.  Therefore, how could she possibly be capable of unconditionally loving me and valuing me and our relationship?
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« Reply #85 on: February 23, 2015, 09:41:42 PM »

I too, often ponder over this question.

When we first met, my uBPD husband was just an angel walking the Earth. Five years younger with no women in his life yet, he accepted, cherished, worshipped and married me when I had just undergone as of a radical for a womanhood surgery, as double mastectomy. I admired and worshipped him back, having an infinite gratitude for his acceptance, love and care. Every night, I prayed God thanking for such an amazing person thinking it was God's reward for the hardship of cancer I went through in my early 30s.

A year down the road, my "saint" husband is dumping me out of a blue turning into an emotionally, verbally and economically abusive monster... .I still cannot wrap my mind around how can the person I've met with those divine qualities turn into such a merciless, coldblooded evil? He kicked me out of our apartment in winter (while I have no job) and intended to revoke health insurance and the green card I got through the marriage. He took most of the money off out joint account (left me $1500, not enough to cover even 1 month's rent here), yelled cursing me off and telling I am a financial burden and should go back to my country.

Important to note, I've lived in this state/US for over 10 years before I met him. And it was his dream to live in this big city ever since he was in college, but he couldn't afford it. I brought him here, helped to get established, get into top academic program for free, showing ways around and putting in touch with my network of friends and colleagues, and once he was on his feet, he totally dumped me... I also think he has cheated on me while I was away... My once angel husband.

Perhaps, I'll never find it out - whether he actually loved me or not. If not, then he is an incredibly talented actor who could have made a career in Hollywood, so well he pretended that he did.

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« Reply #86 on: February 23, 2015, 09:45:32 PM »

The did she love me?

Is im not sure a healthy question. It seems to go hand and hand with "is she a monster?"  Scapegoating is what it turns into and it slows down the healing process in fact it side steps it completely.  

Did she care about me?   That is a healthier question.

Then to frame in terms of attachment and nurturing with a focus on the fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment.  How issues with those things can lead to addiction.  Continue on this path to solve the puzzle.
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Mr Hollande
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« Reply #87 on: February 23, 2015, 10:20:20 PM »

Did she love me? I don't know. Sometimes, maybe. Or maybe not at all.

Was I afraid of being alone? Yes, definitely! Not of spending lots of time on my own but the idea of a life with no one to share it with was terrifying. The idea of one day being old and too weak to care for myself and at the mercy of strangers. Terrifying! Now I don't know. While the idea of that was very real a year ago it's too abstract to imagine for some reason. It's a haze. Maybe it's because since my circumstances changed I switched off the once so real and frightening realisation of dying alone as a safety precaution. Or maybe I've accepted that that is what is going to happen and that's it's OK. I don't know though, I'm speculating.

BlimBlam's question is good. Did she care about me? I think I'd find it easier to handle if she didn't.
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« Reply #88 on: February 24, 2015, 01:18:38 AM »

I have left partners. In my youth, I had once, even someone lined up to be with during a break-up... .but even then, I was well aware of the fact that I was causing a person emotional pain by leaving them and I had empathy and had dignity toward the person I was leaving. I did many things to try and minimize their pain. I also changed my behavior in the future and became more responsible about other's feelings as I got older. I certainly did not go out of my way, or worse yet "plan" to cause them MORE emotional devastation.

My expwBPD planned and ran around the goal post to cause me as much emotional pain as she could. My replacement joined in on many occasions and they both clearly had planned and discussed some of the things that they did in public before-hand and they both seemed to be enjoying themselves at the moments that they were trying to cause me pain...

So... .I have thought about this at length... .a person that actually loved me in any healthy, rational fashion would not have treated me in the ways I was treated after the betrayal and abandonment.  No way. Only someone incapable of adult love would have acted in the way I was treated. Someone who was seriously mentally ill. So, no,... .I don't think that this person loved me and yes, I do believe that they were involved in some kind of pathological attachment to me so that they never had to spend 5-min of their life alone. Anything but that for them. ... .being unattached to someone for one-second would have been shear terror for my ex.
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« Reply #89 on: February 24, 2015, 06:43:11 AM »

This sentence in one of 2010's old posts here (which I highly recommended reading) really pulled on my heartstrings.

Excerpt
Who really is the Borderline? Someone who needed you for awhile because they were scared to be alone.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=168086.0

Do you agree with this statement?

Do you think your ex ever genuinely loved you?

I know mine said that she did, but did she really?

How can someone who doesn't even love themself, love somebody else?

Or even know what love truly is if they never even experienced it as a a child from their parents?


My ex said to me whenever a family member would say, "I love you," she would say it back, but that it felt cold and hollow. As if it she didn't feel like she really meant it.

1. I agree and disagree with the statement... .it depends.

2 No. My ex does not have the capacity to love

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.


He is the opposite of this verse.

3. Oh, he LOVES himself, make no mistake about that... .he spends more time in front of the mirror primping to get ready than my teen girls. And he's been bald for 20 years. He never denies himself, he always indulges himself, he is always first. Oh, he loves himself. That much I know is true.

He has no capacity to love anyone BUT himself.

4. For me personally, when I believed Jesus is my Lord, and Savior, THAT is when I began to know, understand, feel, and give, true love. Agape love. I have 3 very healthy and well adjusted, self confident and wonderful young adults (21-24). BUT that also made me an 'easy mark' for the ex to take advantage of, exploit, and use it as a weapon against me... .

But make no mistake, even though my childhood was pretty 'love-less'... .I do understand, know, and give, real love! I could have never done that on my own... .only through Christ who strengthens me!

5. My ex's mother was a piece of work. She would run me down in the dirt, treat me like garbage, then want to hug me and say "love ya". I never said it back. I DIDN'T LOVE HER, and I don't say "love ya" just because.

Telling someone you love them is a big deal to me.

My ex would say "you're hurting her feelings, just say it back".

I told him I don't love her, and she's not nice to me at all... .why in the world would I say it back?

So I never said it.

That may make me a 'monster'... .but I am not a liar.

Looking back now on that conversation... .it's so very "Norman Bates". Super creepy.

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