Everybody thinks I'm the crazy one?

[rapror496]

It's been 3 months since she left me. She convinced everyone im abusive controlling toxic etcetera. She is now blogging all my tumblr posts and making posts about me. When I tell people this they say she left you why would she do that? It's frustrating I want to get over her I really do. But she does this crap .every day. And if I would respond I would just get another threat for a restraining order smh any advice on coping with this?

[raisins3142]

I'm probably getting this too.  All her exes were supposedly abusive, etc.  Her friends are either dudes that want her or disordered females.  Few healthy women will hang out with a woman with BPD (with all the cheating, flirting, and attention seeking among other things).  I'm sure all friends nod for her.  It's hard not to care when you are being painted black.  But it is possible.  One thing that helps me is to focus on the relative stability of my own friends and how I gave a more balanced view of the relationship.  My friends and family are NOT crazy and would not be close to me if I were as crazy as my ex.

[fromheeltoheal]

Reasons to trash the ex are to avoid shame, which happens when we accept responsibility for our actions that weren't ideal, and to project all the crap we don't like about ourselves on someone else.  It's multi-purpose and we all do it, but with someone with a personality disorder that makes their emotions extreme and uncontrollably, it just gets taken to the next level.

The folks who really know you will discount things she says, and the best thing is to disconnect from the drama, which gets in the way of you grieving, healing and detaching.  Social media isn't doing you any favors right now, so you might try blocking her, closing accounts and opening new ones, or quitting all together for a while; it needs to be all about you right now, so you can build the life of your dreams without her in it.

[myself]

Keep away from people who try to belittle you. Small people always do that. But the really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.

- Mark Twain

[christin5433]

This is the reality you probably think you are crazy I know I've questioned it? The best thing to do is get off any social media if she's telling these people this stuff then I'd stay away from them. I have noticed and read if they can't get u directly they will try indirectly . This is their crazy . I'd steer clear to listen to this stuff . I mean I blog about my experience and truth to help myself . Why are u guys on same discussion sites

[Tim300]

I don't want to go in to details, but I'm cutting out one of my guy friends in the aftermath of my breakup with my BPDex-fiancee.  A breakup with a pwBPD can help clue you in to who your true friends are -- who stands by your side and who reaches out to show some empathy to you.  My entire life I've cast a very wide net in terms of who I would keep in my friend circle, but after this relationship and learning all about PDs, I am going to be much more selective.  I was a bit naive before. 

[mywifecrazy]

Reasons to trash the ex are to avoid shame, which happens when we accept responsibility for our actions that weren't ideal, and to project all the crap we don't like about ourselves on someone else.  It's multi-purpose and we all do it, but with someone with a personality disorder that makes their emotions extreme and uncontrollably, it just gets taken to the next level.

I don't agree with this. No we don't all do it. Just because they are BPD we need not Downplay the severity of their actions. Besides this thread was not only about being trashed but also the lies that were willingly used to smear another persons reputation. That's not cool and it costs innocent people beyond measure when this sort of BPD crap is left unchallenged. I myself was falsely accused of rape and physically abusing not only my uBPDxw but my kids too. She said the same things about her family and previous boyfriends. It's a card she uses and a game she plays when she's luring in her next victim. Then when she has her victim locked up she thinks everyone will just forget about all the lies she's told and all the damage she has caused.

No disrespect meant Fromhealtoheal, just my opinion. I agree with everything else you said.

Just something I feel strongly about based on my experience with my uBPDxw.

MWC... .

[fromheeltoheal]

Reasons to trash the ex are to avoid shame, which happens when we accept responsibility for our actions that weren't ideal, and to project all the crap we don't like about ourselves on someone else.  It's multi-purpose and we all do it, but with someone with a personality disorder that makes their emotions extreme and uncontrollably, it just gets taken to the next level.

I don't agree with this. No we don't all do it. Just because they are BPD we need not Downplay the severity of their actions. Besides this thread was not only about being trashed but also the lies that were willingly used to smear another persons reputation. That's not cool and it costs innocent people beyond measure when this sort of BPD crap is left unchallenged. I myself was falsely accused of rape and physically abusing not only my uBPDxw but my kids too. She said the same things about her family and previous boyfriends. It's a card she uses and a game she plays when she's luring in her next victim. Then when she has her victim locked up she thinks everyone will just forget about all the lies she's told and all the damage she has caused.

No disrespect meant Fromhealtoheal, just my opinion. I agree with everything else you said.

Just something I feel strongly about based on my experience with my uBPDxw.

MWC... .

Yes, there's a lot of emotional intensity around the fallout of the behaviors of a borderline when we're on the receiving end, I get it MWC.  I've found it helpful to realize that it's a continuum, we all use defense mechanisms, and someone who's disordered and in pain is going to rely on them and take them to the extreme.  It boils down to whether it was malicious or just maladaptive, for each of us to decide; in my case my ex pulled the sht she pulled because she thought everyone was 'ugly', her word, part projection and part feelings of persecution, and that justified it for her.  Her model of the world is an ugly, painful place to be, which makes the behaviors understandable, but far from OK or to be tolerated.  That has helped me immensely in removing people from my life who do similar things, with a lot less intensity but unacceptable nonetheless, and that has been one of the gifts of the relationship.

[christin5433]

Reasons to trash the ex are to avoid shame, which happens when we accept responsibility for our actions that weren't ideal, and to project all the crap we don't like about ourselves on someone else.  It's multi-purpose and we all do it, but with someone with a personality disorder that makes their emotions extreme and uncontrollably, it just gets taken to the next level.

I don't agree with this. No we don't all do it. Just because they are BPD we need not Downplay the severity of their actions. Besides this thread was not only about being trashed but also the lies that were willingly used to smear another persons reputation. That's not cool and it costs innocent people beyond measure when this sort of BPD crap is left unchallenged. I myself was falsely accused of rape and physically abusing not only my uBPDxw but my kids too. She said the same things about her family and previous boyfriends. It's a card she uses and a game she plays when she's luring in her next victim. Then when she has her victim locked up she thinks everyone will just forget about all the lies she's told and all the damage she has caused.

No disrespect meant Fromhealtoheal, just my opinion. I agree with everything else you said.

Just something I feel strongly about based on my experience with my uBPDxw.

MWC... .

I do agree I'm so sorry you got spoken about with such lies. The old me would have maybe thought there must be truth to the story about someone being talked about like that . Now after myself has had the same things spoken about me from my ex BPD I know they do this smear to get others to believe they were a hostage . I actually use to say that to my ex towards the end. I'd say your not a hostage. But when she left which the door was open she told people I was keeping her controlled and I forced sex on her . Like what the heck? Serious. No kidding and also told people she was being manipulated the whole time of our 4 year family life. I never knew a person like me who got her abused physically emotionally and verbally had that much power?

Get away from any contact while you heal. Grieving is hard enough w/o the weirdness of this type of humiliation