Did Your BPDgf's Journal and Scrapbook?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My ex did both but it seemed to stop after her traumatic relationship with her ex fiancee. Just curious?

[Jack2727]

My ex did both but it seemed to stop after her traumatic relationship with her ex fiancee. Just curious?

[Turkish]

Mine started keeping two journals while she was in my house for 4 months, conducting a juvenile r/s outside of our home. She had broken up with me, and after a brief while where I tried to work it out, I "officially" let her go. What followed were months of her hiding her r/s, but not really, with me all but begging her to move out because I felt like it was the worst kind of mental abuse.

She slept on the couch (couldn't "cheat" on her new bf!), and left one journal lying there the whole time. Another was kept in her bathroom, which was in our old room. I was reading them as she was updating them. Some of it didn't surprise me, but other stuff was from a person I never knew.

When she moved out, she left them both, in addition to a great deal of her stuff. She had a three shelf hutch in the bathroom full of women stuff. She took all of that, but left the journal lying there by itself on bare shelves. Weird.

I should have burned or otherwise disposed of them, but I returned them in many piles of things I took back to her parents' house. I hope the kids never find them later... .

A few months ago, I found a small box of stuff in the closet, things from BT (Before Turkish). It had a journal which she had stopped updating around the time she met me. It was even odder. I found whole pages of the same sentences repeated, wishes that perhaps she thought if she wrote enough, they would come true. Magical thinking. I realized she was odder than I even thought when I first met her.

The things I found written on our computer were similarly jarring.

Now, in relation to your question, she stopped writing in her old journal after she met me, which was when she found someone else to idealize other than the exbf who dumoed her, but she still wanted to marry. She started her new journals after she was detaching from me, and shifting her idealization to a new object of affection, but was still questioning things.

[raisins3142]

My ex is very active on pinterest, which is similar to scrapbooking.  She has tons of memes that are pretty much BPD badges (such as stating that passionate women are worth chaos, etc).

[eyvindr]

This -->

My ex is very active on pinterest, which is similar to scrapbooking.  She has tons of memes that are pretty much BPD badges (such as stating that passionate women are worth chaos, etc).

I've added it to my list of major  's. Once my ex discovered social media, anyone with any experience with online behaviors could easily tell when we'd had a fight or were going through a break-up -- her pages would go from sporadic self-centered-type posts (pic updates, I did this, I did that, Look at what I'm doing, etc.) to a non-stop FLOOD of those juvenile memes! If you didn't know who was posting them, you'd assume it was a 10-yr-old who'd just been scolded by a teacher she had a crush on! Major turn-off for me.

[Jack2727]

My ex was big into pintrist. The thing is she never made anything public. She never posted anything on facebook. She never even posted a picture of us together while we were together for seven months. The last two girlfriends I dated didn't publicize our relationship on social media. I think that is a HUGE   

I didn't find any recent journals. It seemed like they stopped when she was with her fiance. But there were many of them. 

[mercurious]

Mine was very active on instagram, but never made our relationship public.

There were lots of BPD memes posted such as - never water down your personality - and my favourite - 'All or nothing' quote : kinda sums me up.

On reflection yup no kidding - black and white.

[raisins3142]

This -->

My ex is very active on pinterest, which is similar to scrapbooking.  She has tons of memes that are pretty much BPD badges (such as stating that passionate women are worth chaos, etc).

I've added it to my list of major  's. Once my ex discovered social media, anyone with any experience with online behaviors could easily tell when we'd had a fight or were going through a break-up -- her pages would go from sporadic self-centered-type posts (pic updates, I did this, I did that, Look at what I'm doing, etc.) to a non-stop FLOOD of those juvenile memes! If you didn't know who was posting them, you'd assume it was a 10-yr-old who'd just been scolded by a teacher she had a crush on! Major turn-off for me.

Yep, very few deep truths can be expressed on a little meme.  I call it "bumper sticker mentality".  Pretty much all "great truths" that really hit you in the gut and are 20 words or less are actually silly (but they hit ya in the gut because you want them to be true or they make you feel good/better).

Daniel Dennett calls many of these deepities, which I like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKPhy03zNsU

[eyvindr]

":)eepities" -- I like it! Is that like truthiness?

Daniel Dennett calls many of these deepities, which I like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKPhy03zNsU

On the other hand, my ex continually monitored all of my social media. She seemed to have some preconception that the entire internet was some sort of singles site -- I actually shut down my FB page -- even though I'd had it for over 5 years, and used it partially for my work -- because she'd made it a source for too much insecure nonsense. One of the most frustrating things about this was that, before she met me, she literally had no online presence, and in fact railed against it, claiming it was the cause of so much pain and the source of lots of relationship failures -- yet, after I left, as much to call her bluff as to eliminate a source of r-ship conflict, she stayed on, and in fact today it's her mainline to any kind of social life at all. In times during our r-ship when we were both online, she gave me constant crap about not devoting enough time/content/images to "our relationship" and her "status" as my "partner" on my page -- I think she somehow believes that if something is posted online, it makes it "official" or something (remember -- Abraham Lincoln said that if you read it online, it must be true) -- and, by contrast, if something *wasn't* posted online, then it must not be "real." She went as far as to accuse me a number of times of "hiding" our r-ship -- even though everyone real-time human I'm in contact with was aware of my status with her. So maddening! -- she used to tell me, "your page has 'single guy' written all over it -- you're keeping your options open."  

[oortcloud]

Mine kept a diary. She did it in an attempt to get her thoughts out on paper, instead of getting angry at me all the time. It did't work. After discarding me she turned to social media to begin the smear campaign.

[Bumpsintheroad]

A very interesting thread and one I questioned but never took the time to ponder.

My xBPD wife journaled DAILY.  Sometimes twice a day.  I remember the first morning after she moved into my place.  I woke up without her in our bed and wondered where she was.  It was so quiet.  After a few minutes, I wondered if she had gone to the store or taken a walk.  When I got up to investigate, she was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, a Depak Chopra book and a journal.  She had earphones on and was was listening to a CD.  She had dozens of calm, soothing meditational type music and self help style CD's.  Something you would hear when your getting a deep massage.  She took off the earphones and smiled.  I asked if there was something bothering her and she casually replied that this was a daily routine.  At the time, I thought 'Boy, this chicks got her $hit together".  She would doodle on the paper, write notes, quotes and philosophical stuff.  She referred to it as 'Her Time'. 

Little did I know that I would eventually find her to be the most cold, calculating, conniving, lying, cheating, manipulating, thieving... .you fill in the rest.  My point isn't to lambast her.  My question is how can someone who spends so much time with seemingly helpful and healthy prose, music and inspirational material be so cunning and sick? 

BTW she was (and still is to the best of my knowledge) still an avid morning DEEPY, a huge Pinterest and Social Media fan.  She is a self professed 'life coach' and is continually posting all sorts of quotes and quotables to her enduring listeners.  I have no contact with her and have not since the divorce but my family and friends will occasionally tell me how disgusted they are at the things she subscribes and posts online. 

I find this a very interesting phenomenon.  One that I just can't get my thoughts around.  Any help?   

[eyvindr]

Hard to say for sure. Sounds like a serious commitment to presenting her "ideal self" (the one she wishes she had) to the unknowing world?

[raisins3142]

Also, you don't see too many non-drug addicts in a treatment center, so to speak.

I'm not making absolute statements here that might upset someone, but just talking in terms of probabilities and correlations.

It would be great if even naturally, relatively calm and centered people did additional exercises like this (meditation, etc) but it is rare, in my experience.  I used to meditate when I had anxiety issues, but now that I really don't, I just go have fun doing something like snowboarding, etc. and that is my relaxation.

People that are especially motivated to do self-help things as ritual are more likely to have chronic issues, just as people in doctor's waiting rooms are on average less healthy than folks currently not seeing a doctor.  It is what it is, and just a common association/correlation.

[cloudten]

Raisins- I totally agree. My mom is one of the most "sickly" people I know spending obscene amounts of time at the doctor for imaginary or less-important health reasons which would all be fixed if she lost weight and took care of herself.

My now recently uBPDxbf was actually the complete opposite. He rarely posts anything online and its pretty typical like his dirtbike hobby/career. He has one picture left of his ex-gf prior to me. He recycles everyone- and I am sure he is already recycling her. Funny thing- I think she is BPD too- and that whole thing from Bumpsintheroad could be her to a T. Lots and lots of self-help crazy stuff.

Anyway- for a long time in the beginning, my BPD would not even friend me on facebook, would not post pictures, would not status change, did not want me posting pictures, etc. I think it was all because he just kept several women on a string and did not want anyone to know that he was with any given woman. Facebook is how I discovered his relationship with his gf while he was still keeping me on the side (i had no idea- I was so dumb).

So mine is sort of the opposite. HOWEVER he was quite the exhibitionist for sex on fling.com and craig's list.

But journal- no. Scrapbook- no. I think he keeps his thoughts in texts to millions of different people.