New... Struggling

[Lakota]

Hello all,

I've been a lurker on the forums for a little while now, and it's time to tell my story.

I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years with a woman who I really suspect has BPD.  Our lives have been in a downward spiral for about the last year and a half, and I think it's finally to the point where she's hitting rock bottom.  She displays so many of the symptoms, black and white thinking, deflection, projection, you name it she does it.   The extremely challenging part is she's got a very strong personality, which results in excessive amounts of rage (not just anger, literal rage).  She's essentially move to low/non functioning within the last month.  She was diagnosed with rapid cycling BP in her early 20's, but talked her way out of it with a different psychiatrist (she has a degree in psychology and admittedly says she 'knows what to say'.   She refuses to seek medical treatment as there is nothing wrong with her, the problem is with everyone else.

BPD symptoms aside, the very scary part of this is she's also got strong suicide ideation.  She is to the point of constantly threating to harm and/or kill herself, to the point where she's got a noose in the basement.  I keep taking it down but something goes up in it's place.  The police and mobile crisis have been called constantly, but their hands are actually quite tied when it comes to mental health, although apparently the laws have changed in January as they now have the ability to take someone they suspect is a harm to themselves into custody (mobile crisis told me this last night).   I am sad to say but it's to the point where the threats are happening so often that I have to actually base my reactions on the perceived threat level in my mind.  She's also been abusing Gravol which definitely isn't helping.  She did have a younger sister commit suicide 3 years ago.

She's got 3 small children, the youngest of which is autistic and she carries a ton of guilt over that.  Social Services has been involved and she's signed them into the care of their fathers.  She's not allowed visitation without 3rd party supervision.

It's essentially to the point where everyone in her life has walked away or walled up and I'm the last man standing.  I'm so frustrated and burnt out, I'm to the point where I cannot deal with it emotionally for much longer.  I've done a lot of reading here, and try to utilize the communication methods, but man, she has this way of cutting through everything to the point where I think she could make the Pope swear.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[clljhns]

Hi Lakota,

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles in your relationship. Are you planning on staying in the relationship, or you looking for tools to help separate from the relationship.

There are a couple of options for you on this site. The board you are currently on is for those who are coping, healing from a BPD parent, sibling or inlaw. You might want to visit: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0 or https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=2.0. The first board is for those are staying in the relationship and want tools to help with the relationship. The second board is for those who are undecided as to whether they are staying or leaving.

Hope this helps! Wishing you all the best. 

[Lakota]

Thank you.

At this point I am undecided, my heart says yes, but my brain says no.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I am trying to figure it out.  I don't expect anyone to have any answers as everyone's situation is different, but this community seems very fantastic and supportive, something I need right now.

[clljhns]

Hi Lakota,

I am so glad you are here! You will get the support and help you need by posting on the Undecided: Staying or Leaving board. Here is the link: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=2.0.

Wishing you much peace on your journey!