Silence for Silence. What does it mean?

[anxiety5]

We have been in a tumultuous relationship for over a year. When she wanted space from me, she would break plans and then yell at me for voicing my agitation that I could sense she was going to push me away again. When she wanted to spend time with me, I could 1000 things for her, we could have 20 days/nights of amazing times, yet if she asked me to go to a store one day, and I said something as simple as, I just want to relax today, why don't we hang out when you get back from the store? She would pull away again. I brought all this up, and she "heard me" All my arguments were logical, and she admitted they made sense. But she would never under any circumstance give me a simple, "let's work on this." or "I'm sorry, I see your point." or "I want our relationship to not have these conflicts." She would agree that I was there for her all the time, but in the end there was no resolution. The last push cycle she abruptly stopped communicating with me at lunch time on a night we were supposed to hang out. I heard nothing from her, no call, no response, nothing. I was legitimately worried about her. That's never happened. I went to her house, saw her car was there, which it hadn't been after work when I stopped by thinking we were going to eat somewhere. I could hear the engine pinging as if it just cooled down. I knew she had just gotten home around 11pm. I knocked on her door for 10 minutes, and she later told me she heard me but didn't answer. I found out she was hanging out that night with a guy she had cheated on me with. For work reasons, they could never have a real relationship because she would be fired for it. She denied he had been there.

I was done. I've been in no contact for 2 weeks. She showed up at my house a week ago pleading, crying, asking me why I had blocked her number. I told her that I wasn't tolerating that behavior. And I was done.

She left. She sent me a text via email that said she wanted to talk and wanted to come over. I responded no. we have talked enough. I'm moving on with my life. Good luck with everything. I don't want this chaos anymore.

I've heard nothing since.

I don't want to hear anything. I'm not one of those people who secretly wants her to contact me. I'm just worried, not about her, but about what she's conjuring up. I feel like there is no way she is just gone now. In fact I would think given what I know about her, me saying no, you aren't coming over would just give her a new boundary and goal to violate and circumvent.

This is the longest time I have heard nothing from her. Just wondering what you guys may think will happen next based off what you've experienced, or others have experienced. When going no contact, being firm and hearing nothing back now for the longest time since I knew her. Is she really gone? Can I really believe it? Or is she letting me cool down thinking she can come back? Again, the work relationship I feel would not qualify for a true replacement. He has a significant other, there is a age gap, and she would be fired if they were caught. As crazy as she is, I don't think she would risk that given her financial situation and child. She may screw around with him, but I don't think he'd ever qualify as a legitimate replacement because of these circumstances, so I don't think it's simply that she's with him now all the time.

What else could it be? Everything Ive read I just don't feel like she could really be gone that easily, despite hoping so. I don't think she's ever been left in this fashion before. Her ex husband left her, but because of the child, she has had to be in contact with him all the time continuously, so that's allowed her to never feel like she really lost that. And also on a side note, there is no chance she's with him. This guy was the most disciplined person I've ever met. He was DONE. Every text, call, everything I ever witnessed or saw was 100% transactional and subject based. He never gave in, ever. He was done.

So lacking a real replacement, as much as she can't ever be alone. What do you guys think will happen next 10 days or so after hearing nothing from her end?