Is it safe to break NC when you think you are strong enough?

[Maternus]

I left some things in the house of my uBPDex when I moved out. I didn't know about BPD at that time and and so I left my bike and some other stuff and we agreed that I will come for it next year (this year). It's more than 100 days of NC and I feel pretty well. I don't think I'm ready for a direct confrontation now, but I really want my bike back. I don't need it now, but maybe in April. And I think, I will be much stronger then. Since NC is mostly about healing and detaching, is it safe to break NC to ask for my bike, when I think I'm strong enough for the confrontation? 

I don't even have to drive by her house, to get those things. I can ask a mutual friend - but I have to write an email to arrange the whole thing. I don't really want to see her again and I think staying invisible is the best I can do. But this bike was a gift from someone who was important to me. I can live without it and it's not an urgent question to me. But maybe someone of you had a similar problem and can give me some advice. 

[Terrychango]

Do you know any of her family? I got my mum to speak to her mum and they organised things between them, thus keeping the nc intact as far as I am concerned and getting back my stuff.

[christin5433]

Go get your bike. Walk through your fear. Ask when u can get ur bike. Just facts no emotion.

I believe at some point we need to see if we have built strength . I know exactly how u feel I avoid her like the plague. But I know my goal is to not live in fear I hope by this spring or summer I will be less and less afraid of running into. I'm at 30 days and I already feel parts of me stronger? I guess if its important get it . You may hurt for a half a day but u will have ur bike

[Maternus]

Do you know any of her family? I got my mum to speak to her mum and they organised things between them, thus keeping the nc intact as far as I am concerned and getting back my stuff.

I had contact with her mother on Christmas. She sent me some season's greetings and I responded. But her mother lives in another town. I exchanged some emails with the mother of my ex after the breakup, I told her to keep an eye on my uBPDex's children, because I thought, my ex is to busy with herself, her new job and her new relationship to take care of her children's needs. She answered, that she admits my worries about the children, but she thinks, that her daughter is a good mother and takes care of her children. The mother of my uBPDex is either an enabler or BPD herself. I'm not sure. My ex did not know her father - it was some guy, her mother dated when she was young, but there were so many - who cares?

[Recooperating]

NC is a tool, not a rule, towards detachment. It is your proces and only you can decide what is good for at this moment. If you think you are strong enough and out of the fog then I would say get ur bike. Make the arrangements. Maybe a friend can pick up the bike and you can just set the date and time. Just prepare for anything... .Telling her you "want" something from her (even if you are obviously entitled to it) could make her feel powerfull. Expect the worst so it can only be better then expected.

If you are not comfortable and determined yet I would suggest waiting a bit. But only you can feel where you stand at this point.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

[Maternus]

My ex's birthday is in March. Maybe I should send her an innocuous birthday greeting and ask for my stuff incidentally.

[myself]

My ex's birthday is in March. Maybe I should send her an innocuous birthday greeting and ask for my stuff incidentally.

The direct approach is probably better. A short text or email asking which day works for her to hand the bike and etc. over to your friend. With a thank you in advance so there'll be no need for further contact.

[raisins3142]

I'm a bit more practical.

When I knew seeing her might upset me or cause a recycle, I had a friend contact a friend of hers and deal with some transfers.

I was only concerned with protecting myself at that point.  I didn't care if it see sophmorish.  I just didn't wanna see the woman, so I didn't.