Wife with BPD has filed a RO

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi...

My wife who is borderline has truly lost it this time.  After weeks of silence or outbursts of great anger, she moved out then filed a restraining order so that I cannot speak with her.

The last 10 years have been a roller coaster. My work requires travel and every time I have to go, she stops speaking to me, then when I return, there is a month of silence / angry outburst. 

We saw a therapist 10 years ago who diagnosed BPD, but I am beginning to wonder is she has BPD or Bipolar.

She has been alternating between been loving and wanting a divorce, but now after a disagreement about selling our home. she moved out in the middle of the night and then obtained a restraining order (on false accusations) so that I am no longer in the home nor can I contact her.

After much thought, I have decided to fight the R.O. but am not sure if that is the right thing to do. Some of her family (son, sisters ) along with close friends believe that I am better off without her and should move on.

However, I am her husband and know her better than most and I besides still loving her, feel that I have a responsibility to care for her. She did this once before (10 years ago) when the travel with a different job triggered the same situation.

So is this BPD, Bipolar, SAD (Separation Anxiety Disorder)?

Any help and direction would be appreciated.

PS. I am arranging to speak to a Mental Health Specialist to see if, perhaps I am the one  who needs help as I know my wife suffers from insecurity, jealousy, yet I have kept my job which has only exacerbated the problems we have... .

[tayfern]

Hi...

My wife who is borderline has truly lost it this time.  After weeks of silence or outbursts of great anger, she moved out then filed a restraining order so that I cannot speak with her.

The last 10 years have been a roller coaster. My work requires travel and every time I have to go, she stops speaking to me, then when I return, there is a month of silence / angry outburst. 

We saw a therapist 10 years ago who diagnosed BPD, but I am beginning to wonder is she has BPD or Bipolar.

She has been alternating between been loving and wanting a divorce, but now after a disagreement about selling our home. she moved out in the middle of the night and then obtained a restraining order (on false accusations) so that I am no longer in the home nor can I contact her.

After much thought, I have decided to fight the R.O. but am not sure if that is the right thing to do. Some of her family (son, sisters ) along with close friends believe that I am better off without her and should move on.

However, I am her husband and know her better than most and I besides still loving her, feel that I have a responsibility to care for her. She did this once before (10 years ago) when the travel with a different job triggered the same situation.

So is this BPD, Bipolar, SAD (Separation Anxiety Disorder)?

Any help and direction would be appreciated.

PS. I am arranging to speak to a Mental Health Specialist to see if, perhaps I am the one  who needs help as I know my wife suffers from insecurity, jealousy, yet I have kept my job which has only exacerbated the problems we have... .

[Restored2]

Welcome to this very supportive family, tayfern!  We are all dealing with various relationships of BPD challenges.  My heart truly goes out to you in your situation with your wife.  I applaud you for wanting to stick it out to make it work with your wife.  It appears that your wife has gone off on another trigger from whatever her disorders are.  

I can relate on the restraining order, as my ex-girlfriend recently called the police with threats of harassment against me, which is unwarranted.  :)o what you need to do to protect yourself, including possibly fighting the restraining order.  Please DO NOT underestimate what she is capable of doing to destroy you now or in the future.  

Good on you for arranging to speak to a mental health specialist for yourself.  We all need other perspectives involving wise counselling from time to time.  I encourage you to do all that you can to take care of yourself during this difficult time too.  Whether that be going to the gym, relaxation massages, walks, etc.