Hi from a daughter of BPD mother and Narcissist father

[Depression = 72% of members]

I passed a very difficult childhood and also adulthood of till 29 living with my BPD mother and narcissist father. I was the elder good girl of the family where I was expected to be calm, cool, attentive listener and praised by all other. By the age of 18 I started rebelling against my father. I could find some friends at 21 ( which was unexpected in the society I live in) whom I could share atleast complaints about not understanding by my parents and continued listening to ugly resentment of my mother.

But interesting fact is, though I identified myself the emotional absence of my father, ruthless and empathyless behavior of my mother ( iam confued if she has Narcissism, too, because no one even the homemaker or guard cannot tolerate her ugly words and hauty behavior), still it took me almost 33 years to finally leave that family and start living on my own.

and to say the truth, only for last 1 year I got an understanding of NPD & BPD, not from my psychiatrist, rather from different personality test and blogs.

I myself was confused of being a Narcissist at frist, but now everyday  bit by bit understanding my pathology of codependency, anxiety, depression and BPD type of disorders.  

I felt overwhelmed today after reading the story of a member here liveok and just could identify mydself with her story of being able to leave a prestigious career and started feeling happy.

But I am struggling with my dysthymia, numbness and finding out what I really like to do ( my emotion vs. intellectuality)... I got a very good result from meditation and exercise.

But need a good life skill develoment course or counseling on how to understand people, trust my own instinct and get rid of my underlying anxiety and low self esteem.

I would appreciate any suggestion from you. and good luck to all members of this blog...

I would like to r

[Irmana]

I passed a very difficult childhood and also adulthood of till 29 living with my BPD mother and narcissist father. I was the elder good girl of the family where I was expected to be calm, cool, attentive listener and praised by all other. By the age of 18 I started rebelling against my father. I could find some friends at 21 ( which was unexpected in the society I live in) whom I could share atleast complaints about not understanding by my parents and continued listening to ugly resentment of my mother.

But interesting fact is, though I identified myself the emotional absence of my father, ruthless and empathyless behavior of my mother ( iam confued if she has Narcissism, too, because no one even the homemaker or guard cannot tolerate her ugly words and hauty behavior), still it took me almost 33 years to finally leave that family and start living on my own.

and to say the truth, only for last 1 year I got an understanding of NPD & BPD, not from my psychiatrist, rather from different personality test and blogs.

I myself was confused of being a Narcissist at frist, but now everyday  bit by bit understanding my pathology of codependency, anxiety, depression and BPD type of disorders.  

I felt overwhelmed today after reading the story of a member here liveok and just could identify mydself with her story of being able to leave a prestigious career and started feeling happy.

But I am struggling with my dysthymia, numbness and finding out what I really like to do ( my emotion vs. intellectuality)... I got a very good result from meditation and exercise.

But need a good life skill develoment course or counseling on how to understand people, trust my own instinct and get rid of my underlying anxiety and low self esteem.

I would appreciate any suggestion from you. and good luck to all members of this blog...

I would like to r

[polly87]

Hi Irmana and 

Thank you for sharing your story. It must have been very difficult to start untangling yourself from your parents and it's an ongoing process for most of us... .

Like you, I left home in my late twenties and I'm also struggling to build self-esteem and generally feeling more stable. You're not alone 

Feel free to share more of your experiences here.

Wishing you the best.

[polly87]

I forgot to mention - please check out the survivor's guide on the right hand side of this page. There's a lot of interesting information in there. Just click on each chapter to read it

[Leaving]

I passed a very difficult childhood and also adulthood of till 29 living with my BPD mother and narcissist father. I was the elder good girl of the family where I was expected to be calm, cool, attentive listener and praised by all other. By the age of 18 I started rebelling against my father. I could find some friends at 21 ( which was unexpected in the society I live in) whom I could share atleast complaints about not understanding by my parents and continued listening to ugly resentment of my mother.

But interesting fact is, though I identified myself the emotional absence of my father, ruthless and empathyless behavior of my mother ( iam confued if she has Narcissism, too, because no one even the homemaker or guard cannot tolerate her ugly words and hauty behavior), still it took me almost 33 years to finally leave that family and start living on my own.

and to say the truth, only for last 1 year I got an understanding of NPD & BPD, not from my psychiatrist, rather from different personality test and blogs.

I myself was confused of being a Narcissist at frist, but now everyday  bit by bit understanding my pathology of codependency, anxiety, depression and BPD type of disorders.  

I felt overwhelmed today after reading the story of a member here liveok and just could identify mydself with her story of being able to leave a prestigious career and started feeling happy.

But I am struggling with my dysthymia, numbness and finding out what I really like to do ( my emotion vs. intellectuality)... I got a very good result from meditation and exercise.

But need a good life skill develoment course or counseling on how to understand people, trust my own instinct and get rid of my underlying anxiety and low self esteem.

I would appreciate any suggestion from you. and good luck to all members of this blog...

I would like to r

Irmana,

Thank you for sharing your story.  I too currently live with struggling to find my true identity after having a narcissistic borderline mother.  If you can find a therapist/counselor who understands the identity crisis you are suffering, they can help you to discover your talents, interests, passions, etc...   It takes time Irmana and you must be patient and be kind to yourself.  I'm turning 54 this week and still learning!  Most people my age are planning retirment and I am just beginning! 

Instinct is something you should always trust.  I have come to believe that instinct is part of our authentic nature that isn't bound to our ego.  It is there to protect us and we need to listen to our inner voice.  Children who were traumatized tend to have stronger instincts throughout life.  As far as feeling so flat and numb, I tend to believe it's one way our body and mind take a break from all the drama and trauma and you will begin to feel alive again once your ready to.  Trusting people and not feeling so socially awkward takes practice and will come with experience.  Just go slow and not put so much pressure on yourself.  The meditation and exercise is good and will help you build confidence and reduce your anxiety.  I don't know where you live but in the UK, Breathworks has become a mode of therapy as well.