Had to testify :(

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well wasn't looking forward to it, but I had to testify in court for the DV case. It was tough to do, she had an an angry look towards me, and when i was giving my testimony just kept rolling her head and eyes as she was sitting in cuffs and the jail jumpsuit. Sad, that just says to me she still has zero remorse.

Her attorney focused solely on her mental illnesses in cross examination, so i have a feeling that is going to be her defense. It's getting set for trial now, I'm so not looking forward to doing this again.

[rockhardabsman]

Well wasn't looking forward to it, but I had to testify in court for the DV case. It was tough to do, she had an an angry look towards me, and when i was giving my testimony just kept rolling her head and eyes as she was sitting in cuffs and the jail jumpsuit. Sad, that just says to me she still has zero remorse.

Her attorney focused solely on her mental illnesses in cross examination, so i have a feeling that is going to be her defense. It's getting set for trial now, I'm so not looking forward to doing this again.

[.cup.car]

It's cool, man. Court is nuts with these people. Oscar-worthy performances out of nowhere.

[livednlearned]

That had to be hard rockhardabsman. Are you doing ok? There was no DV in my case, just lots of testifying for custody reasons. Even just that left me rattled and for days I would feel a combination of fear/depression. It's pretty awful feeling to testify against someone who you were in a relationship with, especially in a room filled with strangers.

Did the judge see the eye-rolling? Often that isn't something that they'll tolerate.

[ForeverDad]

You were cross-examined about her mental illness?  You're probably not an expert in the mental health field, so I can't see how her lawyer would be able to have you Play Doctor.  Unless you've seen her diagnosis?  (And if you were so qualified then you'd have to excuse yourself since it probably isn't very ethical to diagnose or treat your own family.)  But I guess you could describe her behaviors and behavior patterns, that we're all qualified to do.

[rockhardabsman]

Yea it was very very hard for me to testify because I still have feelings. This isn't the first DV case, she got one 2 years ago when she beat me up in the car while driving on the freeway, and grabbed the wheel and ran us off the road, then continued to punch me in front of an off duty EMT trying to assist. The past 2 years she's been in and out of jail/rehab so much and I've probably only spent 6 months physically with her these past 2 years. I don't know if the judge saw it or not, his attention seemed to be more on me as I was speaking. I tried my best to ignore it, but she was directly in my line of site when the defense attorney was questioning me. Thank god it was the last case of the day and the room was empty of spectators.

As far as playing doctor, there were a lot of objections from both sides during my testimony. So eventually he was able to rephrase in his questions in a way that were not objected to. Such as, do you know if she is on medication, has she told you about having mental illnesses, has she told you what mental illnesses she has etc. How often would she go into rages and verbally abuse you, how often would she get physically violent with you, how often does she get drunk or consume illegal drugs, etc etc.

I'll admit I was blown away by the questions, because the answers, at least in my mind not being a lawyer, make her look worse. Unless from my understanding he is going with a mental illness defense.

Either way, out of 3 felonies and 4 misdemeanors the judge ruled that all charges stand, and only dropped one Felony to a misdemeanor. So now its being set for trial, and I really hope it gets settled so i don't have to testify again. I've never been arrested in my life so this is such a nerve wracking mess of an experience for me having to get up in front of people and her and tell about the things I've suffered.

[.cup.car]

Tthis is such a nerve wracking mess of an experience for me having to get up in front of people and her and tell about the things I've suffered.

Hey bro, I know how that feels.

Maybe you should try taking pride in the fact that she's facing charges... .It means you don't have to prove anything to the judge, you don't have to convince them of anything, you just need to fill them in and tell your story. You have the easiest job out of everybody in this. Being sad because you still have feelings for her is natural and a sign your body is reacting in a healthy way.

Definitely different than a protection order where you're trying to convince a stranger why this woman should be kept away from you.

I agree though, it's so awkward to spill intimate personal details in front of her, strangers, and sometimes her family. In my situation, her dad was no less than five feet from me while I described to the judge how she spent over two years claiming her father was abusing her and that I'd called kids help phone for advice. I felt so terrible, because even though it was my duty to tell the truth, knowing what must have been going through their minds really bothered me.

[livednlearned]

Yea it was very very hard for me to testify because I still have feelings.

It's pretty complicated to still have feelings for someone who has been violent toward you. Do you have anyone to talk to about how you're coping with this? And more importantly, what compelled you to stay in the relationship after the first attack? Not easy stuff.

[ForeverDad]

Yea it was very very hard for me to testify because I still have feelings.

It's pretty complicated to still have feelings for someone who has been violent toward you. Do you have anyone to talk to about how you're coping with this? And more importantly, what compelled you to stay in the relationship after the first attack? Not easy stuff.

Besides being one of the Nice Guys and Nice Gals here, could it be that you have shades of Stockholm Syndrome?  That's where you start to side with your abuser, or in that infamous case, the terrorists who were holding people as hostages.

Some of Dr Carver's articles are referenced on our Articles board, here's what he wrote on Stockholm Syndrome:

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html