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Author Topic: Was she cheating?  (Read 8023 times)
Mr.Downtrodden
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« Reply #30 on: February 11, 2015, 02:37:58 PM »

That BPD self-reflection post cross-posted here carries the same traits of my exGF.  i could hear her voice reciting every word in  my head.

Except that my ex is not in recovery, or cares to even bother. "It is, what it is... ." she would fake smile and say. She is at peace with herself, for it is all about control, manipulation, and valuation from her pathetic male orbiters.

She should flog herself by wearing a t shirt that billboards: "Take A Number, Please".
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« Reply #31 on: February 11, 2015, 03:12:39 PM »

The three faces of victim article I think is a good one to help understand the dynamic.  Essentially when a pwBPD begins to split their partner the partner no longer retains the position of rescuer, at least full time, thus creating a void to be filled by a fantasy other.  Random dude finds a nitch which is the fantasy other and exploits it. Their is a possibility the random dude is just really attractive and triggers the splitting.  In any case that void was already there where the person feels persecuted in some way in their life so they need an escape.
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« Reply #32 on: February 14, 2015, 07:33:33 AM »

That BPD self-reflection post cross-posted here carries the same traits of my exGF.  i could hear her voice reciting every word in  my head.

Except that my ex is not in recovery, or cares to even bother. "It is, what it is... ." she would fake smile and say. She is at peace with herself, for it is all about control, manipulation, and valuation from her pathetic male orbiters.

She should flog herself by wearing a t shirt that billboards: "Take A Number, Please".

Yup... .they have not been introduced to the word: "dignity".
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downnout98
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« Reply #33 on: February 14, 2015, 08:34:20 AM »

The three faces of victim article I think is a good one to help understand the dynamic.  Essentially when a pwBPD begins to split their partner the partner no longer retains the position of rescuer, at least full time, thus creating a void to be filled by a fantasy other.  Random dude finds a nitch which is the fantasy other and exploits it. Their is a possibility the random dude is just really attractive and triggers the splitting.  In any case that void was already there where the person feels persecuted in some way in their life so they need an escape.

I used to hate it when the split was happening. I could feel it coming and of course I would work even harder to keep myself in her favor. More attention, more love, and unfortunately giving up more and more of myself. All it did was perpetuate the cycle and she would expect more and more of that attention I was giving her.
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« Reply #34 on: February 15, 2015, 10:50:46 AM »

For me, it was the threat of false accusations that made me leave.  Things were going downhill for about four years. My daughter, ex-wife, and myself was living with her family. My ex’s sister started to make up false accusations, and my ex believed them and added to them.  I consulted an attorney who advised me to move out that same day.   
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« Reply #35 on: February 15, 2015, 12:13:26 PM »

A borderline will often line up her next romance while she's still involved with you. in short, her bed never gets cold-- so if you notice that she's started up with another guy immediately, it's likely because she'd cultivated that relationship before she broke up with you. don't expect her to admit to this, as she never will...
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« Reply #36 on: February 15, 2015, 12:26:20 PM »

I'm guessing this guy has been around longer than she admits, what do you think?

You're likely correct. It's speculation and I think my exwife started seeing her boyfriend around a year before she left.

We were out and she said she wants a divorce, followed by an emotional affair that was playing out in front of me with texting and messaging and then scorched earth and borderline rages. This was the tell as she felt alot of guilt and shame from her actions with ger cheating.

She knows the difference between right and wrong.  She was projecting her bad behaviors for around 5 months and left.

The  marriage had broken down. I lost trust and we disengaged. She was giving me the silent treatment and project her silent treatments and I checked out emotionally and was avoidant.

I put all of my focus on trying to run the household as normal as possible and threw myself into taking care of the kids. Business as usual as she was going through her dissociative phase. She had become irresponsible like an adolescent and would sleep over at his place and go out every night after I got off work to see him.

It was going on for awhile.

The four horsemen.

Stage Four Rather than face the pain and overwhelm they expect to experience, partners who have reached this third 'defensive' stage, may progress to the forth and final stage of breakdown, characterized by a breakdown of basic trust between the partners, and increasing disengagement in the name of self-protection. Like a steam-valve in a pressure cooker, the partners start avoiding one another so as to minimize their conflicts. Gottman calls this final stage, "Stonewalling", perhaps after the image of a partner hiding behind a stone wall designed to protect him or her from further assault. Unfortunately, there is no way to love your partner when you are hiding behind a wall to protect yourself from him or her.

The "four horsemen" breakdown sequence plays out amongst the backdrop of partner compatibility. Basically compatible partners may demonstrate a whole lot of conflict, but they don't often become contemptuous and angry with their partners, because there are by definition few things that they will disagree upon. In contrast, partners who start out with incompatible goals, values or dreams are far more likely to get into seemingly irresolvable conflicts. Also, once the process of contempt, defensiveness and avoidance begins, small incompatibilities can become magnified as spouses pursue other interests as an alternative to conflict.

Predictable Patterns of Marriage Breakdown - Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.

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« Reply #37 on: February 15, 2015, 09:35:12 PM »

A borderline will often line up her next romance while she's still involved with you. in short, her bed never gets cold-- so if you notice that she's started up with another guy immediately, it's likely because she'd cultivated that relationship before she broke up with you. don't expect her to admit to this, as she never will...

Mine... .finally admitted that she was cheating on me in an off-hand indirect way when I totally put all my energy into calling her out on it after she had done a drive-by (she was living with the replacement then?).  Why do they think that they are evil geniuses and that we are just stupid?

They live in some kind of whacked, selfish, fantasy world... .
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raisins3142
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« Reply #38 on: February 15, 2015, 09:52:42 PM »

Why do they think that they are evil geniuses and that we are just stupid?

They live in some kind of whacked, selfish, fantasy world... .

I love this, Infrared.

Mine had a bad memory, and knew I had a better one.  Yet, she rambled on and was surprised when I caught her lying like 1,000 times.  She had the same shocked look every time I started a sentence with "But you told me last week that... ."

She also told me she could deceive people and they would never know... .hardy... .har... har.

You'd think she would've figured out to start telling me the truth after a few months.
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« Reply #39 on: February 15, 2015, 10:24:24 PM »

I was in complete denial and under her spell.During the love bombing and the mirroring stage she told me so much how she loved me and would never ever hurt me.

Fast Forward she started behaving in weird ways that drove me crazy.I was obsessed with finding the truth.So I went on a couple missios to see if I could find anything.

Well I did... .She had a couple guys lined up and is now with her ex-boyfriend.This is the guy that she painted black and called him every name in the book and claimed she hated.

This reality nearly killed me and still burns inside me today.It is not as bad but it still stings to know she would betray me in such a way.
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« Reply #40 on: February 16, 2015, 05:04:18 AM »

Raisins and NY Mike... .

I just identify with you guys so much.  Early in our relationship... .totally unprovoked, out of nowhere, my ex said in the sweetest, sincere and caring voice that she would NEVER hurt me.

No one ever said anything like that to me... .just out of the blue... .it was so endearing to me... .It is such a clear, riveting moment in my mind. I remember the place she was sitting, the moment, etc.  it just made drop all my defenses and bound me to her in a way like no other. I felt so safe and loved in that moment. That moment and the sentiment expressed was just so precious to me... .

Fast forward five years and ... .just these ridiculous lies that I was finding her in during the breakup and when I would catch her dead-to-rights in blatant lies and one of her responses was "those were lies that I told you after I left you.", like ... oh... my rules that benefit me make it ok to lie, no harm no foul?  

Me, just speechless in disbelief that this person that I held so emotionally dear and close to me... .to  slowly have to accept who she actually is ... .it just damaged my soul... .but the truth is the truth.  Her actions is who she is... .not her words. Not a one of them.

Tough pill to swallow... .for me... .it is ping down, but it is still kind of stuck in my throat somewhere... .

All the behavior, her expression of deep profound love and then her antics during the cheating and running off... .I now, chalk it all up to childishness and arrested development... .This drew me in on the front end like nothing ever had and on the back end it chewed me up like a meat grinder... .
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« Reply #41 on: February 16, 2015, 06:56:38 AM »

Me, just speechless in disbelief that this person that I held so emotionally dear and close to me... .to  slowly have to accept who she actually is ... .it just damaged my soul... .but the truth is the truth.  Her actions is who she is... .not her words. Not a one of them.

Tough pill to swallow... .for me... .it is ping down, but it is still kind of stuck in my throat somewhere... .

All the behavior, her expression of deep profound love and then her antics during the cheating and running off... .I now, chalk it all up to childishness and arrested development... .This drew me in on the front end like nothing ever had and on the back end it chewed me up like a meat grinder... .

Yes... .same here.  Even the childlike reassurances at the beginning... .all smoke and mirrors, all fantasy.

Sometimes, when I think about the totality of it all, I realize that I've lived through a nightmare.
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« Reply #42 on: February 16, 2015, 08:22:34 AM »

Me, just speechless in disbelief that this person that I held so emotionally dear and close to me... .to  slowly have to accept who she actually is ... .it just damaged my soul... .but the truth is the truth.  Her actions is who she is... .not her words. Not a one of them.

Tough pill to swallow... .for me... .it is ping down, but it is still kind of stuck in my throat somewhere... .

All the behavior, her expression of deep profound love and then her antics during the cheating and running off... .I now, chalk it all up to childishness and arrested development... .This drew me in on the front end like nothing ever had and on the back end it chewed me up like a meat grinder... .

Yes... .same here.  Even the childlike reassurances at the beginning... .all smoke and mirrors, all fantasy.

Sometimes, when I think about the totality of it all, I realize that I've lived through a nightmare.

Yeah... .she made another comment that I will not forget... .she was running off... .saying that there was no one else... .during the Holidays... .I just knew it was a lie... .and she showed her hand to me without knowing when she said "I did't know that this was going to happen, now!"

WOW! Absolved of all responsibility to our relationship... .because the lying, the cheating, and the running off "happened to her". I could not believe what I was hearing.

This is the rambling of a 7 year old... .not a 32 yr. old?

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downnout98
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« Reply #43 on: February 17, 2015, 07:07:58 PM »

Me, just speechless in disbelief that this person that I held so emotionally dear and close to me... .to  slowly have to accept who she actually is ... .it just damaged my soul... .but the truth is the truth.  Her actions is who she is... .not her words. Not a one of them.

Tough pill to swallow... .for me... .it is ping down, but it is still kind of stuck in my throat somewhere... .

All the behavior, her expression of deep profound love and then her antics during the cheating and running off... .I now, chalk it all up to childishness and arrested development... .This drew me in on the front end like nothing ever had and on the back end it chewed me up like a meat grinder... .

Yes... .same here.  Even the childlike reassurances at the beginning... .all smoke and mirrors, all fantasy.

Sometimes, when I think about the totality of it all, I realize that I've lived through a nightmare.

I have to keep reminding myself that her actions are what matters most. Not her words. She could make me melt into forgiveness for anything she did with her words and what looked like sincerity at the time. But, after i would forgive and return to her, it would all start up again. I have been away for two months now and the more and more i tell my story, the fog keeps lifting. I hat to admit it now but she was not only cheating on me with the guy i was replaced by but there were others. A week after we start looking for wedding rings together, she goes on a business trip to a major city we visited often. She tells me while she is packing that she was going to meet up with a Facebook friend and that her ulterior motive in meeting him was to see if he would be our photographer. I told her that i would like to meet him together. I questioned why this was an ulterior motive, it should have been the whole motive. I decided that if i was going to marry this woman, then i needed to trust her. LOL, boy i was wrong. I don't know if anything happened while she was there but i did read the messages her and the guy were sending each other privately on messenger were not so innocent. She forgot that she logged onto her Facebook with my iPad, so  everything was popping up while she was out. I still gave her the benefit of the doubt after i confronted her about it. She unfriended him, but only a few months later i found myself being replaced by someone else.
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raisins3142
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« Reply #44 on: February 17, 2015, 07:52:16 PM »

Me, just speechless in disbelief that this person that I held so emotionally dear and close to me... .to  slowly have to accept who she actually is ... .it just damaged my soul... .but the truth is the truth.  Her actions is who she is... .not her words. Not a one of them.

Tough pill to swallow... .for me... .it is ping down, but it is still kind of stuck in my throat somewhere... .

All the behavior, her expression of deep profound love and then her antics during the cheating and running off... .I now, chalk it all up to childishness and arrested development... .This drew me in on the front end like nothing ever had and on the back end it chewed me up like a meat grinder... .

Yes... .same here.  Even the childlike reassurances at the beginning... .all smoke and mirrors, all fantasy.

Sometimes, when I think about the totality of it all, I realize that I've lived through a nightmare.

I have to keep reminding myself that her actions are what matters most. Not her words. She could make me melt into forgiveness for anything she did with her words and what looked like sincerity at the time. But, after i would forgive and return to her, it would all start up again. I have been away for two months now and the more and more i tell my story, the fog keeps lifting. I hat to admit it now but she was not only cheating on me with the guy i was replaced by but there were others. A week after we start looking for wedding rings together, she goes on a business trip to a major city we visited often. She tells me while she is packing that she was going to meet up with a Facebook friend and that her ulterior motive in meeting him was to see if he would be our photographer. I told her that i would like to meet him together. I questioned why this was an ulterior motive, it should have been the whole motive. I decided that if i was going to marry this woman, then i needed to trust her. LOL, boy i was wrong. I don't know if anything happened while she was there but i did read the messages her and the guy were sending each other privately on messenger were not so innocent. She forgot that she logged onto her Facebook with my iPad, so  everything was popping up while she was out. I still gave her the benefit of the doubt after i confronted her about it. She unfriended him, but only a few months later i found myself being replaced by someone else.

I told mine early on that I did not like someone I date to cultivate back up plans secretly, flirt with other men, or communicate regularly with exes/orbiters that want more than simple friendship.

I said I find it best to tell your partner about friends of the opposite sex that you communicate with regularly so that there is less chance of misunderstanding.

I relayed some stories about exes that had male friends that they did not tell about me so as to keep the attention, wanting to meet alone with past flings/FWB, and emailing periodically past love interests to keep them on the hook in case we broke up.

I just didn't like this and did not do it myself. (frankly, I don't crave attention that much and if I want to have platonic fun I'd usually rather hang out with a male friend, and all my close friends are other men)

She agreed, but this was likely mirroring on her part.

I think she then went into stealth mode around any communication that I might find questionable.  So, my appeal for transparency had the opposite effect I feel.

I stated before that her phone buzzed notifications all the time for email, text, and facebook messages.  She never mentioned a one in any detail.  So, as I was having her check my phone for me to show my forthrightness ("hey honey, read the text I just got to me since I'm driving", she was sitting there with her phone vibrating/dinging every 15 minutes and ignoring it, even during the night.  The few times I was allowed to hold her phone to look at a picture or something, it would often vibrate in my hand, which I hated in a way.

I think now that she partially had her phone set up to ding constantly so that she would feel and give the impression that she had a more active social life.  I had very few people contacting me (3 very close friends and then family members), but they would usually check in once a day or more.  She did not have that from people close to her in her life, I do not feel.  Her phone was like an inanimate friend to her.  Her "precious".
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downnout98
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« Reply #45 on: February 17, 2015, 08:40:14 PM »

It feels like I have PTSD because every time I am out with friends and hear their phone buzz from an email or text message, I cringe. It is a reminder of how I would feel when hers would do that. I hated the feeling but I knew that something was going on. Not all the time but often enough to cause me to feel this way. This is how I had caught her cheating in the past. She would always keep her phone facing down. She would often check my phone but I had nothing to hide. there were times that she would not like me holding her phone too long as she would show me a picture or something that someone would post on Facebook. She was always on facebook and Pintrist, even late at night. So glad I dont have to deal with this anymore. I hated being so insecure, but when I would let my guard down, that was usually when she was usually communicating with someone. My ex only had two friends that were girls. All the rest were guys. Guess that says a lot. Always needed attention from guys.
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« Reply #46 on: February 17, 2015, 09:00:19 PM »

It feels like I have PTSD because every time I am out with friends and hear their phone buzz from an email or text message, I cringe. It is a reminder of how I would feel when hers would do that. I hated the feeling but I knew that something was going on. Not all the time but often enough to cause me to feel this way. This is how I had caught her cheating in the past. She would always keep her phone facing down. She would often check my phone but I had nothing to hide. there were times that she would not like me holding her phone too long as she would show me a picture or something that someone would post on Facebook. She was always on facebook and Pintrist, even late at night. So glad I dont have to deal with this anymore. I hated being so insecure, but when I would let my guard down, that was usually when she was usually communicating with someone. My ex only had two friends that were girls. All the rest were guys. Guess that says a lot. Always needed attention from guys.

This is so eerie that I almost feel we might have the same ex, seriously. (just read your first post and it can't be her, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post))

When mine would use the phone in front of me, she would navigate around so quickly that it was almost comical.  Let's say she would show me a picture someone texted her, she would then hit the back button on her galaxy so fast that it was assured I could not see any other message strings.  She is not that coordinated and did it so fast that it was almost frantic and she would sometimes miss the buttons.  But when I saw her using the phone off by herself, she would hit the buttons/screen at a normal rate.  And she did this even after I called her out on her phone habits, and our first break up was partly caused by me catching her acting shady on her phone.

Did she think I was an idiot with zero pattern recognition skills?  Should I have allowed this associate nurse to read more of the scientific publications I am first author on in order to disabuse her of that notion?
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downnout98
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« Reply #47 on: February 17, 2015, 11:11:19 PM »

Raisins, it is scary that all these stories are so similar. It is like we were all dating the same person. This site has helped me to see that it wasn't all my fault and that I was in fact the sane person in the relationship. My family and friends all said that I changed so much while I was dating my ex. They say that they can see a big difference in me now and that I have a light in my eyes again. And, they can tell that a huge weight has been lifted. The only problem is that there was so much damage and programming that I still miss her, or more accurately I miss the fantasy of her.
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« Reply #48 on: February 17, 2015, 11:16:37 PM »

Raisins, it is scary that all these stories are so similar. It is like we were all dating the same person. This site has helped me to see that it wasn't all my fault and that I was in fact the sane person in the relationship. My family and friends all said that I changed so much while I was dating my ex. They say that they can see a big difference in me now and that I have a light in my eyes again. And, they can tell that a huge weight has been lifted. The only problem is that there was so much damage and programming that I still miss her, or more accurately I miss the fantasy of her.

Yes, it confirms that we were with a disordered person when everything keeps matching up across different people.

My family and friends were also very concerned.  They encouraged me to leave her and a few staged "mini-interventions" where they would talk about the changes they were seeing in me.  I was constantly distracted and in emotional turmoil.  In effect, taking on some of the pwBPD's emotions.
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« Reply #49 on: February 18, 2015, 01:03:18 AM »

A few weeks before my exBPDgf broke up with me she told me how the thought of me being with another woman would drive her crazy. This of course was after some great sex that we had. Seems like that is so common with BPDs after reading so many of these posts. Long story short, she got mad at me for something really dumb and we broke up. Not long after and during the time we were working things out, she hooks up with my replacement. In a matter of a few days, the guy is practically moved in. When I brought up how she said that the thought of me being somebody would kill her, and then asked how she could do this, all she had to say was I know and I am sorry. What a kick in the groin. I'm guessing this guy has been around longer than she admits, what do you think?

downnout98,

Yep, as much as I hate to say it, it sounds like she was cheating. As many have said here, BPD's are NOT going to be alone. Cheating and lying are common characteristics associated with people afflicted with BPD. It's so commonplace that I am always questioning the stories of Non's that claim that their significant other never cheated. Even the supposed non cheaters can abandon their significant other at the drop of a hat and be in another relationship just as quickly. That just doesn't add up unless the footwork to establish the new relationship hadn't already been done.

My BPDexgf, as I later learned, kept a string of men in line, just waiting for her attention. I use the term "men" lightly... .they weren't men, more like groveling/begging idiots. A sad lot indeed!

Be glad that you're out of that disaster my friend. A pwBPD is NOT someone that you can build a future with. Go find yourself a good woman that'll be with ya through thick and thin, one that will enjoy sharing life with you. They are out there, and they want and deserve good men.

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« Reply #50 on: February 18, 2015, 03:19:13 AM »

A few weeks before my exBPDgf broke up with me she told me how the thought of me being with another woman would drive her crazy. This of course was after some great sex that we had. Seems like that is so common with BPDs after reading so many of these posts. Long story short, she got mad at me for something really dumb and we broke up. Not long after and during the time we were working things out, she hooks up with my replacement. In a matter of a few days, the guy is practically moved in. When I brought up how she said that the thought of me being somebody would kill her, and then asked how she could do this, all she had to say was I know and I am sorry. What a kick in the groin. I'm guessing this guy has been around longer than she admits, what do you think?

downnout98,

Yep, as much as I hate to say it, it sounds like she was cheating. As many have said here, BPD's are NOT going to be alone. Cheating and lying are common characteristics associated with people afflicted with BPD. It's so commonplace that I am always questioning the stories of Non's that claim that their significant other never cheated. Even the supposed non cheaters can abandon their significant other at the drop of a hat and be in another relationship just as quickly. That just doesn't add up unless the footwork to establish the new relationship hadn't already been done.

My BPDexgf, as I later learned, kept a string of men in line, just waiting for her attention. I use the term "men" lightly... .they weren't men, more like groveling/begging idiots. A sad lot indeed!

Be glad that you're out of that disaster my friend. A pwBPD is NOT someone that you can build a future with. Go find yourself a good woman that'll be with ya through thick and thin, one that will enjoy sharing life with you. They are out there, and they want and deserve good men.

I was in an 8 year r/s... .for the first four I would have bet a limb that, not only didn't my gf lie or cheat, but that she would NEVER lie or cheat.

Then came year 5... .
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« Reply #51 on: February 18, 2015, 03:51:38 AM »

"Then came year 5... ."

jhkbuzz,

I am sorry to hear that. I ALWAYS want to hear the opposite. My BPDexgf definitely led me to believe that she'd never lie or cheat. It was always her who had been cheated on and lied to (She played the "victim" role very convincingly.). Needless to say, she was lying when she told me that. There are countless stories on these boards about BPD's and infidelity. Promiscuous sex is listed as a possible impulsive behavior in the diagnostic criteria. It's just sad for everyone involved, everyone loses.
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« Reply #52 on: February 18, 2015, 03:53:50 AM »

"Then came year 5... ."

jhkbuzz,

I am sorry to hear that. I ALWAYS want to hear the opposite. Mine  definitely led me to believe that she'd never lie or cheat. Needless to say, she was lying when she told me that. There are countless stories on these boards about BPD's and infidelity. Promiscuous sex is listed as a possible impulsive behavior in the diagnosis criteria. It's just sad for everyone involved, everyone loses.

Yes.  Even them.  Especially them.
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« Reply #53 on: February 18, 2015, 03:54:53 AM »

A few weeks before my exBPDgf broke up with me she told me how the thought of me being with another woman would drive her crazy. This of course was after some great sex that we had. Seems like that is so common with BPDs after reading so many of these posts. Long story short, she got mad at me for something really dumb and we broke up. Not long after and during the time we were working things out, she hooks up with my replacement. In a matter of a few days, the guy is practically moved in. When I brought up how she said that the thought of me being somebody would kill her, and then asked how she could do this, all she had to say was I know and I am sorry. What a kick in the groin. I'm guessing this guy has been around longer than she admits, what do you think?

downnout98,

Yep, as much as I hate to say it, it sounds like she was cheating. As many have said here, BPD's are NOT going to be alone. Cheating and lying are common characteristics associated with people afflicted with BPD. It's so commonplace that I am always questioning the stories of Non's that claim that their significant other never cheated. Even the supposed non cheaters can abandon their significant other at the drop of a hat and be in another relationship just as quickly. That just doesn't add up unless the footwork to establish the new relationship hadn't already been done.

My BPDexgf, as I later learned, kept a string of men in line, just waiting for her attention. I use the term "men" lightly... .they weren't men, more like groveling/begging idiots. A sad lot indeed!

Be glad that you're out of that disaster my friend. A pwBPD is NOT someone that you can build a future with. Go find yourself a good woman that'll be with ya through thick and thin, one that will enjoy sharing life with you. They are out there, and they want and deserve good men.

I was in an 8 year r/s... .for the first four I would have bet a limb that, not only didn't my gf lie or cheat, but that she would NEVER lie or cheat.

Then came year 5... .

That is my story, too.
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« Reply #54 on: February 18, 2015, 09:45:25 AM »

A few weeks before my exBPDgf broke up with me she told me how the thought of me being with another woman would drive her crazy. This of course was after some great sex that we had. Seems like that is so common with BPDs after reading so many of these posts. Long story short, she got mad at me for something really dumb and we broke up. Not long after and during the time we were working things out, she hooks up with my replacement. In a matter of a few days, the guy is practically moved in. When I brought up how she said that the thought of me being somebody would kill her, and then asked how she could do this, all she had to say was I know and I am sorry. What a kick in the groin. I'm guessing this guy has been around longer than she admits, what do you think?

downnout98,

Yep, as much as I hate to say it, it sounds like she was cheating. As many have said here, BPD's are NOT going to be alone. Cheating and lying are common characteristics associated with people afflicted with BPD. It's so commonplace that I am always questioning the stories of Non's that claim that their significant other never cheated. Even the supposed non cheaters can abandon their significant other at the drop of a hat and be in another relationship just as quickly. That just doesn't add up unless the footwork to establish the new relationship hadn't already been done.

My BPDexgf, as I later learned, kept a string of men in line, just waiting for her attention. I use the term "men" lightly... .they weren't men, more like groveling/begging idiots. A sad lot indeed!

Be glad that you're out of that disaster my friend. A pwBPD is NOT someone that you can build a future with. Go find yourself a good woman that'll be with ya through thick and thin, one that will enjoy sharing life with you. They are out there, and they want and deserve good men.

I was in an 8 year r/s... .for the first four I would have bet a limb that, not only didn't my gf lie or cheat, but that she would NEVER lie or cheat.

Then came year 5... .

That is my story, too.

I keep reminding myself that she will not change and that it is not worth the pain and misery to be dealing with someone who can't help but to cheat. She always had someone in her back pocket and it was hell dealing with it. As I look back on the relationship and the recycling, it is scary to think of how many times she did cheat. I never wanted to see it but my friends and family saw it. I wanted so badly to believe her. I am doing much better with it now, but it was tough to face at first. Still hard to think of her with my replacement.
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« Reply #55 on: February 18, 2015, 10:32:59 AM »

Staff only

Cheating or infidelity is a huge betrayal of trust, and a pain not moved past easily.

This is a worthwhile topic of discussion in order to process our relationships.  This thread has reached its post limit and is locked. Please feel free to start a new topic.

Turkish
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