BPD and sense of humor?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I haven't noticed anyone stating that their expwBPD was especially funny.

Mine would laugh sometimes at jokes (too much so when being fake), but I cannot remember a single time that she actually made a joke that was truly funny and made me laugh.

I think being comical requires understanding others on some level, so that you get what is funny.  And maybe this is why my ex was way below average in actually generating comedic things.

Anyone else relate to this?

[raisins3142]

I haven't noticed anyone stating that their expwBPD was especially funny.

Mine would laugh sometimes at jokes (too much so when being fake), but I cannot remember a single time that she actually made a joke that was truly funny and made me laugh.

I think being comical requires understanding others on some level, so that you get what is funny.  And maybe this is why my ex was way below average in actually generating comedic things.

Anyone else relate to this?

[JRT]

Mine had no sense of humor at all... .she would smile or laugh at some things, but it was very rare. At the same time, I would not describe her entirely as humorless. At the end of the day, I think that she developed whatever persona she needed in order to not tip her hat to what was going on inside (she was a waif) and conceal the deep and broad inner turmoil that dominated her thoughts.

[Matt8888]

I've been with 2 BPD'rs, and neither one could take a joke.  They were so similar, it was scary.  The last one I was with could go weeks without cracking a smile.  Hated comedies on tv or film.  No sense of humor at all.

[cloudten]

Wow - fascinating.

Mine thought he was HILARIOUS. He wanted his own tv show on comedy central.

He was n.e.v.e.r. NEVER funny. Ever. and if he did say something remotely funny... .it was stolen content from someone famous.

I think I only ever saw him smile one genuine smile in a more private moment. All of his photographs are half-a$$ smiles or forced/fake smiles. Never a genuine toothy smile.

[kc sunshine]

Mine was was very funny and good-natured when she was in a good mood-- we could even laugh at our fights.

When she was in a bad mood, she was very very very serious.

[christin5433]

Funny I think I mostly laughed at my own jokes she always looked far from earth or on her phone . Mine was at times laughing w me and the kids which was so good cause we'd all notice it. I actually noticed shed have fun gossiping w friends usually at someone's expense of bad behavior or trash talk over cheating or just nonsense talk . I usually would find it kind of immature laughter . Idk that's what I remember

[downwhim]

Mine was not funny and hardly smiled. The wedding pictures of him at my son's wedding were terrible. Looking away from camera, not smiling. Not really there I guess.

[Targeted]

Only during idealisation phase,  After that all humor was used against me to prove me to be a delinquent!

[vbor]

Looking back... .I can be very sarcastic with my humor. Whenever I said something sarcastic towards here she got highly offended and quiet. My tone was never serious and I always had a smile when saying such things. But that sarcasm... .got me in a hole that took a LONG time to dig myself out of. I eventually restrained myself after learning she couldn't interpret it as joking. It baffled me at the time... .but now I understand why.

[christin5433]

Looking back... .I can be very sarcastic with my humor. Whenever I said something sarcastic towards here she got highly offended and quiet. My tone was never serious and I always had a smile when saying such things. But that sarcasm... .got me in a hole that took a LONG time to dig myself out of. I eventually restrained myself after learning she couldn't interpret it as joking. It baffled me at the time... .but now I understand why.

I too remember her finding me offensive . I think those little things like humor being a issue was baffling? I guess I been thinking today we just weren't a good match. I def am starting to see that

[Deeno02]

No, not really. She would just look at me like I had Lobster claws growing out of my head after one of my puns or goofy sayings. Perhaps a smirk, but not much else. Her kids would be busting up, but her? Not so much.

[Confused#2]

This is interesting. With my uBPDmother I really do not remember if she had a sense of humor. But my uBPDsis can be amazingly funny at times. I can remember almost peeing my pants when she described something because she was soo funny, I would describe her as a waif/hermit. My uBPDmother was a waif/hermit/queen/witch. Probably less the queen and witch as she lost control of her children. Can not be a queen without a kingdom!

[SummerStorm]

I can remember one distinct time when I saw her really laugh.  Everything else was smirks and very reserved laughing.  More than anything, she was just sarcastic and very negative.  She plays the victim very well.  Everything on her FB is stuff like, "Fell and hurt my foot today," "Pray that I find a place to live soon," "Just had to get four new tires on my car, and it's pouring out.  So done with today." 

She used to tell me that I was always grumpy, and I was, but that's because being around her brought me down.  There was honestly some major catastrophe in her life at least once a week.  And in between catastrophes, she was just complaining about stupid things.

I completely lost it at work today when a student made a joke and busted up laughing in front of 23 teenagers.  It felt so different because I hadn't done that in months.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

My ex was very,  very funny.   He was super smart with an outstanding vocabulary so was very witty.   Without his sense of humor he would never have lasted.   And he still only lasted 8 months,  but his humor took him a very long (too long)  way.   

I miss that part of him!

[LostGhost]

I actually loved her sense of humour. She was very quirky, witty and comical in a unique way. It's one of the major qualities that attracted me to her.

[Creativum]

I actually loved her sense of humour. She was very quirky, witty and comical in a unique way. It's one of the major qualities that attracted me to her.

See, I thought this about mine, too, until I realized that he was more or less mirroring me.  He'd often throw in things he'd picked up from others -- phrases, exclamations, mannerisms, jokes, etc. -- but I noticed that these things were not stable in him.  His sense of humor sort of disappeared after he had run out of other people's material.  Otherwise, his sense of humor (his natural sense of humor) was juvenile and just not that funny.  I guess it reflected his actual developmental age.

[MakingMyWay]

My waif ex laughed at my jokes a lot, there were times where she cried because of laughter, but only if they were directed at somebody else or towards myself. Other times she would just give a fake smile.

She also found other people getting hurt very funny. There was one time I remember clearly where I was cleaning the floor and slipped and she was crying laughing while I was in pain. Another time she was wearing a spiked headband and accidentally stabbed me with it. I was bleeding pretty bad but she found it hilarious, even after I explained to her that I was in a lot of pain. She offended a lot people by laughing at them when they got hurt.

If I made a joke about her though, however minor I would be given the silent treatment. If I had laughed at her getting hurt I would have been scolded for it. She was funny at times but never intentionally. She would describe stuff in funny ways, but it wasn't because it would be funny, she just had a strange view of the world.

[RedDove]

My ex was also lacking in the humor department. We'd be watching a comedy show or movie and I'd be cracking up and he'd just look at me like, hmm... .I don't get it. He would tell stories more than jokes. Expected everyone to be enraptured by him. If you weren't giving him your undivided attention he'd be like, hey, I'm telling a story here, listen to ME! His stories were not funny though, it was usually saying mean or cruel things about someone he knew.

For example, he told a story about his best friend (John) dating a woman who had lapband surgery. Only the woman never told the best friend John. Im sure she was very self conscious, embarassed, and scared. So John didn't find out until they slept together the first time. My ex said, "so he undresses her and there are these extra flaps of skin everywhere like a sharp pei dog... .Lol! Disgusting, right? Well John was so repulsed he couldn't get it up! Lol!" My ex then laughed hysterically whilst I looked on mortified and baffled by his lack of empathy for his friend John and the woman.

I just recently found out through my exBPDbf's best friend John that my ex was actually doing stand up comedy for awhile! I was like What the heckrack? Guess what his topic was? Yup, you guessed it, sex! Apparently he didn't get a single laugh! He changed it to bad dating stories the next time. The OW he's living with was in the audience and became very offended by his past dating stories. He's so insensitive and clueless!

He would never go out to see a band with me at a local venue. Always said he didn't like crowds and loudness. I even invited him to a comedy show and he said he wasn't interested! It's just so crazy, the stuff I'm finding out from the best friend. I'm sitting there listening to the stories thinking to myself, who was my ex? Clearly a chameleon who changes his personality to mirror the current supply/victim!

[MSNYC]

Mine was hilarious. This post just shows that folks w BPD aren't some textbook cookie cutter, but have the range of human traits just like the rest of us.

[SummerStorm]

I think it's important to also consider whether or not the pwBPD has some co-morbid illnesses that affect his/her ability to really let go and be funny.  My former friend BPD also suffers from depression and anxiety, so she spends so much time in her own head that it's very difficult for her to laugh a lot. 

[MakingMyWay]

I think it's important to also consider whether or not the pwBPD has some co-morbid illnesses that affect his/her ability to really let go and be funny.  My former friend BPD also suffers from depression and anxiety, so she spends so much time in her own head that it's very difficult for her to laugh a lot. 

I agree. I think the co-morbid illness is more related to sense of humour. My ex had depression and when she was going through a rough patch she became less willing to laugh.

[Climbmountains91]

I will say my EXBPDBF sense of humor is immature but that's what i fell for, he does make me laugh so much, he comes out with the wittiest things to the point i think, why couldn't i think as quick and witty like that. He really couldn't take my sense of humor though, he'd always take it so seriously, couldn't take a joke, that kinda annoyed me. Sometimes we were the same and we clashed but then sometimes we were strangers.

[Michelle27]

Early on I thought my ex was funny, but with all the mirroring and effort he put in then (as well as my own issues), I can see how I may have thought he was hilarious.

His humor, though was immature and if he got a laugh once, he would think the same thing would be just as funny for the next 100 plus times he would say the same thing.  That got old... .

I also think the things he did say that made people laugh were stolen.  Towards the end of the relationship, I realized he would troll joke websites to find funny statuses for his FB.  I thought that was odd.

[Creativum]

Early on I thought my ex was funny, but with all the mirroring and effort he put in then (as well as my own issues), I can see how I may have thought he was hilarious.

His humor, though was immature and if he got a laugh once, he would think the same thing would be just as funny for the next 100 plus times he would say the same thing.  That got old... .

I also think the things he did say that made people laugh were stolen.  Towards the end of the relationship, I realized he would troll joke websites to find funny statuses for his FB.  I thought that was odd.

Yup! YUP!  My ex would take things from others and adopt/adapt them.  From quirky sayings, phrases, and isms, to his interest in particular films that he just HAD to show new people, even though he'd seen them a million times.  Just to show he had a sense of humor.  It's so bad that he once met a friend of mine ONE TIME for less than an hour and immediately started saying a couple of things like my friend.

Their sense of humor is mirrored.  We love it because they're mirroring it to us, with a few sprinkles on top from things they've acquired from others.

[abhi2940]

Mine had a sporadic sense of humour. But how much was real and how much she faked I seriously doubt now.

[fred2016]

Mine had such a poor sense of humour and was generally so miserable I nicknamed her "smiler"

[Pretty Woman]

 I write comedy and can be very sarcastic. This did not go over well with my ex who truly saw things in black and white. There was no in between and definitely no allowance for your interpretation of respect of your interpretation.

My ex wasn't funny. She didn't have any fun stories of interests. All she talked about were her failed relationships and how badly others had treated her.

Now I'm on that list.

[JaxWest]

I too remember her finding me offensive . I think those little things like humor being a issue was baffling? I guess I been thinking today we just weren't a good match. I def am starting to see that

First one was actually pretty humorous. Which was part of the allure. Although, behind the scenes she would make perverted jokes, but when people were around, she acted like she didn't those sort of jokes.

Second one (possible BPD) was very serious a lot of times. Like, she did not get my jokes or others. At first, I thought she may have a form of Aspergers, because of the blank stare and a few other traits. But, she opened up with her friends and could joke.

[AustenJ]

My ex had a great sense of humor! She could even poke fun at her own craziness... .I bought her socks one time that said, "Cute, but psycho... .but cute." She loved them. We loved poking fun at our students, at each other... .really one of the best things I loved about her!

[marti644]

I don't think humour has anything to do with BPD. My ex was hilarious, she made me laugh alot. BPDs aren't cooking cutter. They are people too, with their own other traits. They aren't the sum of their illness, we should remember that. They are just disordered. There are real attributes to all of them, otherwise they wouldn't be able to function as well as they do, correct?

If we paint them black how are we any different then them?

[Lunira]

Looking back... .I can be very sarcastic with my humor. Whenever I said something sarcastic towards here she got highly offended and quiet. My tone was never serious and I always had a smile when saying such things. But that sarcasm... .got me in a hole that took a LONG time to dig myself out of. I eventually restrained myself after learning she couldn't interpret it as joking. It baffled me at the time... .but now I understand why.

BPD or not, a lot of people really don't like sarcasm.  Personally, I consider it not humor, but a way to passive-aggressively insult someone while hiding your contempt and lack of regard for them under a thin cloak of plausible deniability, should you be called out on it.  I have a BPD ex-friend that used to carry on like that a lot, and it is one of the many reasons why I dropped her.  I grew up in a home with a BPD mother and have already had all the hostility, devaluation, gaslighting, and drama I care to take for one lifetime.  Personally directed sarcasm isn't even remotely funny imo.

[Sadly]

I like what you wrote Marti664
My guy was very very funny and he thought I was too. We laughed together so much. That laughter was genuine. one day when we were on holiday and talking and laughing so much a complete stranger stopped and said " thank you for your happiness and laughter, you have made my day"
It breaks my heart to remember.
I don't laugh much anymore right now.
Love from
Sadly x

[marti644]

I like what you wrote Marti664
My guy was very very funny and he thought I was too. We laughed together so much. That laughter was genuine. one day when we were on holiday and talking and laughing so much a complete stranger stopped and said " thank you for your happiness and laughter, you have made my day"
It breaks my heart to remember.
I don't laugh much anymore right now.
Love from
Sadly x

I am sorry to hear your in pain Sadly. We are all here for you. What are you doing to dull the pain? It's very easy for us to dismiss our BPD ex's behaviours as all part of a manipulative plan. But the hard truth to swallow I think is that they were trying to the best of their ability. Sadly this isn't enough to have a stable healthy relationship, something people with BPD will likely never have. Which is why we need to stay away and find greener pastures. I am trying to separate the good from the bad, and take the things I liked about my ex to my next relationship. There were pros in these relationship, and I am choosing not to bury them. I don't want to turn into someone with BPD, living in perpetual despair.

[SoMadSoSad]

I don't think humour has anything to do with BPD. My ex was hilarious, she made me laugh alot. BPDs aren't cooking cutter. They are people too, with their own other traits. They aren't the sum of their illness, we should remember that. They are just disordered. There are real attributes to all of them, otherwise they wouldn't be able to function as well as they do, correct?

If we paint them black how are we any different then them?

Yea but BPDs are hyper sensitive. When i first met my ex I was able to joke around with her and poke fun at her humorously but as time went by and we got closer she starting taking it serious and getting angry.

[cubicinch]

tricky question I think, and as shown, different responses; they still have a personality even if it is not quite normal, whatever that is... and to the level of depression they may be experiencing... mine had quite a dark sense of humour, she was intelligent and fairly quick minded, but generally it was directed at making fun of me, and putting me down a lot of the times. I have to add that she was taking prozac to treat the depression though, so that brought out the sense of humour, often just giggling to herself over some quite strange thoughts.

Always one sided though, my jokes or behaviour was seldom amusing unless she could belittle me. Her favourite films were always better than my rubbish. That sort of thing. She also couldn't seem to be able to pick up on subtle body language that I'd use, as if she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice.

She wouldn't watch or laugh at very much on TV. Tended to watch horror movies or anything that had a plot to follow. She did like Will Ferrell who I find very hit n miss.

[MiserableMostly]

My BPDex was the only gf I ever had that genuinely made me laugh out loud. When things were good we had so much fun together. It makes me so sad to think that someone would throw that away. We would joke around and laugh together all the time. I'm afraid I'll never get that again. I hope I do.

[AustenJ]

We are different from them, thank God! And I have no problem painting her black after what she put me through.

Good thing she has a great sense of humor to fall back on!

[cubicinch]

just to add, my ex sense of humour was quite sarcastic. She said to me early on that a previous ex was guilty of having no sense of humour... .I think I see why now! There was a few things she relayed back to me about what he had said at the time of break up about her, I should have taken more note.

[wfsgraplw]

I also can't remember mine being particularly funny. Sure, we'd have good times and laugh together, but that was mainly watching comedy on tv or something. I'm struggling to remember a single time when she actually had me rolling up in laughter with something she said or did. Usually it would be her laughing at something I said or did, and me keeping on adding to it until we were both rolling up.

A few odd things though. I do remember sometimes when she would tell me an anecdote or something, be laughing her head off over it, and it just wasn't funny. At all. One that sticks in my head in particular is, She was walking with her mum and her sister. Her sister got stuck at some traffic lights, and ran to catch up to them. Her mother saw that, and whispered to her 'oh look, a white pig.'
She was in fits when she told me that. And I just, that's horrible. That's not funny. At all. That's her sister. And her mother saying that about her. Not even remotely funny.

And she had a very, very hard time dealing with sarcasm. It might just be cultural differences since I'm British and she was a Jap (I'm allowed to say that, I'm a minority haha). But sarcasm is integral to my humour, and she just couldn't get it. She said it made her think I hated her.
One particular episode that sticks in my head, we were walking home, just shooting the sh%t, talking about what to do for dinner. She said 'shall I make something', and I said, 'nahhh I wouldn't bother, your cooking is  haha.' And she just, lost it. Nearly broke up over it. Like, I couldn't comprehend how she couldn't understand that there is no way in hell I would say something like that and actually mean it. Actually be that cruel. Especially from the context. It's the kind of thing that you'd normally respond with 'ohhh you bell-end' and give a fake punch or something over. There's no way in hell you'd take it seriously. Explaining humour is pointless, but that is funny precisely because it's so out of character and so ridiculous, the thought that all the times I'd complemented her on her cooking were lies. I dunno. I could have been wrong, could have been a d%ck move, who knows.
Just my two cents.