Giveaways that they're lying to you...

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Also splitting! When somone is in a narrative that relies on splitting it is a clear sign they are lying to themselves and if somone is lying to themself they may even believe the lies they tell others.  That's not to say it's "bad," I don't believe people lie because they are bad but because they are ashamed or a psychopath but they tend to lie very openly.

[Blimblam]

Also splitting! When somone is in a narrative that relies on splitting it is a clear sign they are lying to themselves and if somone is lying to themself they may even believe the lies they tell others.  That's not to say it's "bad," I don't believe people lie because they are bad but because they are ashamed or a psychopath but they tend to lie very openly.

[raisins3142]

Just like I'm a killer on par with Genghis Khan because I've shot a few deer with my bow legally, humanely, and ate the food afterward... .

There is a difference in being someone who has lied versus someone that would commonly be called a liar.  Someone that is a liar makes a regular habit out of lying and does not usually feel the same guilt or fear at lying that normal folks feel.  So, frequency, intensity, and type of lying obviously matters.  I can only identify with a compulsive liar in a limited way because my lies are nothing in comparison.

[felix22]

to know for definite was to call her out on one of her lies and watch her EXPLODE! Hahaha! I have to laugh otherwise I'd cry over how childish she was!

Oh totally!

[anxiety5]

I knew she was lying if she entertained anything I was questioning her on. You see 9 out of 10 times I was met with rage/deflection/defensiveness/minimization/blame shifting or walking out on the conversation.

If I asked her something and she sat there talking to me about it, never got upset, and went out of her way to talk about it, I knew that she was lying.

For instance, When she stood me up one night and said "I'm going to bed" (it was 8pm on a Friday) I knew something was up. I drove by her house at 1am and her car was gone. 20 minutes later it was back. I called her and said, did you cheat on me tonight again? And if she sat there on the phone with me talking about it, trying to convince me she didn't, etc I knew she was just trying to sell me nonsense like she was just at the 24 hour walmart because she couldn't sleep... .um ok.  If she had nothing to hide she would use it as a chance to ridicule me for checking on her, for even considering her story didn't add up, etc.

God it's so exhausting I'm so glad it's over.

[Blimblam]

Lying is a symptom of an underlying issue.  Focusing on the symptoms is like trying to stop a ship from sinking by pouring the incoming water out one bucket at a time. 

People lie either because they are ashamed and want to be accepted or in the case of psychopaths they want to invoke the shame in people around them to struggle against for their amusement because they are bored.

[Infared]

Lying is a symptom of an underlying issue.  Focusing on the symptoms is like trying to stop a ship from sinking by pouring the incoming water out one bucket at a time. 

People lie either because they are ashamed and want to be accepted or in the case of psychopaths they want to invoke the shame in people around them to struggle against for their amusement because they are bored.

The symptom is what impacts my life, though. Soo... .once I see that a person is repeatedly lying to me, I have a responsibility to myself to distance myself from them, so that I can take care of me.

The "underlying issue" is their responsibility, not mine.  If I act differently, then I am part of the problem. 

[going places]

Lying is a symptom of a deep problem... .absolutely.

People lie and deceive for a plethora of reasons, however, at the end of the day, they choose this behavior.

There are so many resources available today to help people with the "root" problem, whatever it may be, so the excuses of "it's part of their disease, it's part of their this or that' doesn't fly.

People are hurt, people are forever changed, people are wounded by lies and deception.

John 8:44, is one of many verses in Scripture that tells me where lies originate.

I can look at my ex and safely say "something very wrong happened in his life to make him the monster he is today" but that does not excuse nor validate, nor lessen the pain and destruction he wrought upon his family because he made the choices, he made.

That does not make me an angry bitter person, that makes me someone who will not allow others to abuse and and misuse me.

[Blimblam]

I see where you guys are coming from.  I was extremely upset about that stuff too.  But it fit into the narrative of this other is doing this to me implying that I am helpless.  The reality is I was already lying to myself which sort of opened a gateway to be lied to by somone who looked enough like the archetype of my dream girl I lied to myself that they are one and the same.  That put a lot of pressure on my ex to live up to that standard so it set her up to lie to me as to not let me down and be accepted by me.

The lie I was accepting was a narrative that I am not complete and whole right now.

This lie causes me to split parts of myself that are too painful to be conciously aware of into an "other." And this created the illusion of a void within myself.