Leave for myself, or stay for my s/0?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have been in a relationship with my s/o for over 30 years.  We have had good times and bad times.  It has been a roller coaster.  I thought if I could just do things right my s/o would be happy.  Much of the time, I felt that I was just missing something.  I didn't understand why he was so unhappy.  Consequently, I was unhappy much of the time, too. 

. 

Finally, I googled "walking on eggshells" because that is what I felt I was doing.  I was surprised to find out that I wasn't the only one walking on eggshells.  I ordered the book and workbook.  It helped me to feel like I wasn't crazy.  Maybe there was a reason for all of the chaos in our relationship.  I have been saying for years that I would no longer put up with the awful name calling among other things.  Well finally, I left, well actually he forced me out, but this time I have stayed gone for 4 weeks now.  I am in therapy.  He is "not ready" for therapy, but says he will go to Anger Management, only if I come home first. 

I am not inclined to come home because I am finally feeling as if I can breathe.  I am hesitant to throw this relationship away, but I am afraid my reason for staying is to make him happy.  I realize I am deeply enmeshed in the relationship.

Does anyone else think they may be happier split up, but worry about their s/o?

[Mustbeabetterway]

I have been in a relationship with my s/o for over 30 years.  We have had good times and bad times.  It has been a roller coaster.  I thought if I could just do things right my s/o would be happy.  Much of the time, I felt that I was just missing something.  I didn't understand why he was so unhappy.  Consequently, I was unhappy much of the time, too. 

. 

Finally, I googled "walking on eggshells" because that is what I felt I was doing.  I was surprised to find out that I wasn't the only one walking on eggshells.  I ordered the book and workbook.  It helped me to feel like I wasn't crazy.  Maybe there was a reason for all of the chaos in our relationship.  I have been saying for years that I would no longer put up with the awful name calling among other things.  Well finally, I left, well actually he forced me out, but this time I have stayed gone for 4 weeks now.  I am in therapy.  He is "not ready" for therapy, but says he will go to Anger Management, only if I come home first. 

I am not inclined to come home because I am finally feeling as if I can breathe.  I am hesitant to throw this relationship away, but I am afraid my reason for staying is to make him happy.  I realize I am deeply enmeshed in the relationship.

Does anyone else think they may be happier split up, but worry about their s/o?

[Copperfox]

Whether you've been in a relationship for 30 years or just a year, these can be tough decisions to make.  And many of the questions you are asking are ones you can probably only answer for yourself.

I would say that just cause you choose to leave a relationship doesn't mean you don't care about the other person, or worry about them.  Indeed, if you've become the trigger for their unhappiness, their angst, their dysregulation, then perhaps walking away is the kinder, more compassionate action.

Maybe you could tell us a little more about your situation?  Why did you leave a few weeks ago?

[Mustbeabetterway]

Whether you've been in a relationship for 30 years or just a year, these can be tough decisions to make.  And many of the questions you are asking are ones you can probably only answer for yourself.

I would say that just cause you choose to leave a relationship doesn't mean you don't care about the other person, or worry about them.  Indeed, if you've become the trigger for their unhappiness, their angst, their dysregulation, then perhaps walking away is the kinder, more compassionate action.

Maybe you could tell us a little more about your situation?  Why did you leave a few weeks ago?

The holidays have almost always been a time of conflict in our relationship.  This time, after celebrating with his family on Christmas eve, he gets sick (a cold)  and goes to bed.  When my family and friends come on Christmas day, he stays in the bedroom.  Even though I checked on him bringing drinks, advil, etc. several times,it was not enough,  I "just didn't care" according to him.  I even made chicken soup thinking it would make him feel better, but made it with white meat and I "know he likes dark meat" so he wouldn't eat the soup.  I managed to enjoy the day with family and friends anyway.  Well the next day he was so angry that I closed him up in the bedroom while my 88 year old mom was visiting.  I closed the door because she had to pass the bedroom to go to the bathroom and that is sort of awkward with him laying in bed.  The following day he became enraged because I just couldn't get over him calling me names while he had been sick.  This led to him calling me worse names and grabbing the china I was putting away,  he threatened to break all the china.  I told him things were getting out of hand and I would take the dog for a walk.  He then said I had to the count of five to get out of the house.  I was actually fearful, so I left.  (Later he denied ever having said this). I went to a hotel.  Then he nonstop texted and called me demanding to know where I was.  I texted to say I was safe and not to worry that I needed a break from the arguing.  Then he continued to call me time after time.  He later told me he wanted to fill up my voice mailbox just to irritate me.  Actually, I just wanted to feel safe and sane.  The longer I stayed the mored peaceful I felt.  I have been staying with family since then.

At first, he was demanding that I return.  I guess when he figured out I was serious, he says he willing to do anything.  But, as it turns out, everything does not include therapy.  I think it is just another part in the continuous cycle.  I do love him, but need to love myself, too.

[Copperfox]

Hmm, that sounds rough, especially with all the conflicting behavior on his part ... .perhaps some time apart would be good for both of you. 

Are you currently in no contact?  Do you have any sort of plan going forward?  What is it that you want out of this situation?

[Mustbeabetterway]

Thank you for your reply, Copperfox.  I agree that the time out is good.  He has been doing a lot of things for himself that he didn't really think he could do.  I have rejoined the gym and a church.  I had been missing both.  Just trying to get back to being me.

I would like to work on having a loving relationship without losing myself.  I don't have a plan.  I am working on that.

[Copperfox]

That's good.  Coming up with a plan, figuring out what YOU want, what YOU value, is a great place to start.

We only get to live once after all, there are no do-overs.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Mustbeabetterway, Yes, there is a better way and you are on your way to rediscovering your path.  I admire your courage to take time for yourself and stay away until you sort things out.  The question you pose, Leave for myself or stay for my SO?, is the eternal question in a BPD r/s and there is no easy answer.  I would suggest that attempting to be the caretaker of someone else's happiness is a lonely vigil arising from codependency.  You are the expert on yourself, needless to say, and the point is to live a life that is authentic to you, rather than leading a life based on what someone else might need to be happy.  Forget making soup with the "dark meat" and get on with your life, is what I recommend.  Whether that includes your SO is a question only you can decide, but it all starts with yourself, in my view.

LuckyJim

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi Mustbeabetterway, Yes, there is a better way and you are on your way to rediscovering your path.  I admire your courage to take time for yourself and stay away until you sort things out.  The question you pose, Leave for myself or stay for my SO?, is the eternal question in a BPD r/s and there is no easy answer.  I would suggest that attempting to be the caretaker of someone else's happiness is a lonely vigil arising from codependency. 

LuckyJim

Thanks, LuckyJim.  I feel like i have made progress having been able to step back and look at things away from the constant crazy making.  However, I gave in last night and stayed at the house in a separate bedroom.  Just was worn down from living out of a suitcase.  He has agreed to go to a therapy appointment tomorrow.  He is being overly nice, but i sense his impatience for me to "just get over it".  My closest support is disappointed in me and says i am just lying to myself.  I am taking a hard look at that.

Didn't want to let the long term r/s go without giving therapy a chance.  I have been in therapy for myself for about 6 months.  We have never gone as a couple before.  All of this really stinks.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mustbe, it's hard, no doubt, but it's also an opportunity for growth.  Lean into the sharp edges.  Maybe your r/s can be salvaged, maybe not.  Either way, it's OK.  Just figure out the right path for you.  If I could make a suggestion, it would be to be careful about your boundaries as you will no doubt be experiencing heavy FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) from your H.  LuckyJim

[Mustbeabetterway]

Thanks for the advice to lean into the sharp edges.  I really had to think about that.  I do need to feel my discomfort.  After soul searching, i find that I put on a happy face, or a sad face or whatever I think I need to do to fix a situation.  Very hard for me to really feel how I feel.  Trying to get in touch with my authentic self.

[HardLesson]

Sounds familiar. I was in same boat. 30 year marriage, 3 children (now grown), finally got out of the marriage after physical DV directed at me. What I didn't realize at the time, was that there had been DV (psycological) for many years. Those injuries take much, much longer to heal. The incessant phone calls and texts you received when you left are trademarks of BPD behavior. The fear of abandonment that is at the core of BPD causes the pwBPD to engage in frantic efforts to avoid it, hence the controlling behavior &(to the point of destruction of the non-BPD's psyche), the emotional blackmail, gaslighting (denial of occurrences and facts ) ultimately resulting in codependent behavior of the non. I can tell you from my own personal experience, that leaving (no matter how much I wanted her to get better for her sake) was the only thing I could do. To save myself. Not to sound like a hedonist here, but this isn't a dress-rehearsal, and we don't get to come back and try again. I am much happier now.  I am a bit lonely at times, but that is a very small price to pay for general happiness and ceasing to walk on eggshells every single day.  I read that book too!  Best wishes to you!

[Mustbeabetterway]

Sounds familiar. I was in same boat. 30 year marriage, 3 children (now grown), finally got out of the marriage after physical DV directed at me. What I didn't realize at the time, was that there had been DV (psycological) for many years. Those injuries take much, much longer to heal. The incessant phone calls and texts you received when you left are trademarks of BPD behavior. The fear of abandonment that is at the core of BPD causes the pwBPD to engage in frantic efforts to avoid it, hence the controlling behavior &(to the point of destruction of the non-BPD's psyche), the emotional blackmail, gaslighting (denial of occurrences and facts ) ultimately resulting in codependent behavior of the non. I can tell you from my own personal experience, that leaving (no matter how much I wanted her to get better for her sake) was the only thing I could do. To save myself. Not to sound like a hedonist here, but this isn't a dress-rehearsal, and we don't get to come back and try again. I am much happier now.  I am a bit lonely at times, but that is a very small price to pay for general happiness and ceasing to walk on eggshells every single day.  I read that book too!  Best wishes to you!

Thanks, HardLesson for the affirmation.   I am glad to hear that you are happier.  I know leaving is difficult, but you are reaping the rewards of your courage.   So good to hear a success story.  Is your relationship with your children better?  I am asking because I think my husband is jealous of the time I spend with our grown daughter.  This has put a strain on my relationship with her.

Distance has given me a chance to get perspective on the r/s.  For some reason, codependency, caretaking - whichever, I have been so invested in his happiness to the detriment of my own.  And is he happy?  No.

Have done some reading on enmeshment and we are definitely enmeshed.  Despite his attempts to isolate me from everyone I care about, I have managed to maintain a few strong friendships and a good relationship with our daughter and her family. 

At this time, I am back home. Living upstairs while he is living down.   I agreed to come home if he would go to marriage counseling with me.  So we have been to the first session. 

Whatever happens,  I am not going back to the unhappy way we were living. 

You are so right, each of us only has one life to live.  I don't want to be controlled anymore.  He says I am not the person I used to be - exactly, I am much stronger and a little wiser. 

Thanks again for taking the time to encourage me.  Best wishes to you!

[vickmeister]

Mustbe, we are at a similar point in our journeys. I am fairly recently separated from my uBPDh. Initially in my haste to just get away from all the turmoil and conflict, I told him I was leaving until his kids were out of the house, his hoarding was cleaned up and out of the house, and we got some help in our relationship. Well, one kid is out, he's got most of the stockpile of junk cleaned up, and we are in counseling.

I tell myself that I HAVE to move back in when the other kid moves out (probably fairly soon) because that's what I told him initially, but having been away from the constant stress of trying to emotionally regulate someone, I have zero desire to get back in. I think it would be better without the added stress that the kids bring simply through their conflicts with him, but why should I settle for that? In essence, it's like I'm saying, "Now that your kids are gone, I'm moving back to see if I can stand being around you or not."

I guilt myself into thinking I need to take care of him, but that's just my codependence talking.

I just want to say, it's such a hard place to be. Moments of complete clarity are chased by moments of confused agonizing about what to do. I wonder if it's me, or is this the way it always feels when dealing with BPD. I feel like I honestly change my mind about what to do a hundred times a day. 

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi Vickmeister,  i am back home in body, but not in spirit.  Just feel numb.  Trying to work through it.  I have been stuffing my feelings for so long that I have lost touch with myself.  Trying to be good to myself.  I think I am on the road to a better life.  Good luck to you.

[BestVersionOfMe]

Hi Vickmeister,  i am back home in body, but not in spirit.  Just feel numb.  Trying to work through it.  I have been stuffing my feelings for so long that I have lost touch with myself.  Trying to be good to myself.  I think I am on the road to a better life.  Good luck to you.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.  I totally understand the feelings of numbness and sadness and hopelessness.  I've been to MC with my wife on two different occasions and at the time I wasn't aware that she is more than likely BPD.  In retrospect I realize why MC did very little to repair our relationship.  I'm not saying that you don't go, but somehow some way you're gonna have to make sure the T knows about your husband's BPD otherwise it might be a giant waste of time of circular reasoning and projection by your SO.  My wife and I went about 15 times and although we learned some tips that helped us out, it would have been so much more effective had the T known where my wife was coming from.  On top of that I spend inordinate amounts of time trying to placate my wife during therapy rather than learning how to validate her feelings and set my boundaries.  I'm hoping things diffuse enough to where I can get her back into therapy.

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi BestVersionofMe,  like the name!  Kind of lucky that my H refused to go to the first MC session.  I met with the counselor by myself.  Was able to to describe what we had been going through and that i suspected  my husband to be somewhere on the BPD spectrum.  He hasn't been diagnosed.   I am hopeful that at least we may be able to learn skills in order to have a discussion that is not totally circular. 

This Forum has helped me greatly.  It just is reassuring to know that other understand what you are going through, isn't it?

Thanks for your input and encouragement.  Wishing you the ability to be your best version! 

[BestVersionOfMe]

Hi BestVersionofMe,  like the name!  Kind of lucky that my H refused to go to the first MC session.  I met with the counselor by myself.  Was able to to describe what we had been going through and that i suspected  my husband to be somewhere on the BPD spectrum.  He hasn't been diagnosed.   I am hopeful that at least we may be able to learn skills in order to have a discussion that is not totally circular. 

This Forum has helped me greatly.  It just is reassuring to know that other understand what you are going through, isn't it?

Thanks for your input and encouragement.  Wishing you the ability to be your best version! 

Yep that isn't such a bad thing to go alone and get that out on the table about the BPD.  If the T knows ahead of time the two of you can employ S.E.T. together which should make him feel much safer and trusting in that environment.  I wish would have known about my wife when we had our first opportunity. 

[Lucky Jim]

Distance has given me a chance to get perspective on the r/s.  For some reason, codependency, caretaking - whichever, I have been so invested in his happiness to the detriment of my own.  And is he happy?  No.

Have done some reading on enmeshment and we are definitely enmeshed.  Despite his attempts to isolate me from everyone I care about, I have managed to maintain a few strong friendships and a good relationship with our daughter and her family. 

Hi Mustbe, I find these to be encouraging signs.  We've all been there, so you are in good company.  Those strong friendships and r/s with your daughter may prove quite helpful as you are likely going to need some support as you venture into uncharted territory.  That's OK, that's what they are there for.  Keep listening to your gut feelings and continue striving to find your authentic self!  LJ

[Mustbeabetterway]

  [/quote]
Hi Mustbe, I find these to be encouraging signs.  We've all been there, so you are in good company.  Those strong friendships and r/s with your daughter may prove quite helpful as you are likely going to need some support as you venture into uncharted territory.  That's OK, that's what they are there for.  Keep listening to your gut feelings and continue striving to find your authentic self!  LJ

[/quote

Hi Lucky Jim,

Things have been going smoothly.  This may sound crazy, but probably most nons understand.  Things going smoothly worries me.  There is a vibe I am not liking.  Seems when psBPD are really "trying" to get along disappointment and rage are not far behind.  Even though I have made progress, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

I was reading this morning in the book "Stop Caretaking the BPD/NP in your life.  I read something important to my situation about not giving in to demands that go against your values, sticking to your boundaries and not saying yes when you mean no."  Not letting my boundaries be breached is very difficult for me.

Trying to hold on to that progress.

[Lucky Jim]

Hello again, Mustbe,  It's normal to be apprehensive when the waters are calm, because in my experience a BPD storm cloud can appear out of a clear blue sky.  I concur with the passage you mention.  Sounds like you are making progress.  Holding fast to boundaries is difficult with a pwBPD, because they don't respect boundaries and are experts at manipulation.  Beware of the F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt) which is how a BPD attempts to control a Non.  It's challenging, no doubt, but you seem to be making excellent strides.  LuckyJim

[BestVersionOfMe]

 

Hi Mustbe, I find these to be encouraging signs.  We've all been there, so you are in good company.  Those strong friendships and r/s with your daughter may prove quite helpful as you are likely going to need some support as you venture into uncharted territory.  That's OK, that's what they are there for.  Keep listening to your gut feelings and continue striving to find your authentic self!  LJ

[/quote

Hi Lucky Jim,

Things have been going smoothly.  This may sound crazy, but probably most nons understand.  Things going smoothly worries me.  There is a vibe I am not liking.  Seems when psBPD are really "trying" to get along disappointment and rage are not far behind.  Even though I have made progress, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

I was reading this morning in the book "Stop Caretaking the BPD/NP in your life.  I read something important to my situation about not giving in to demands that go against your values, sticking to your boundaries and not saying yes when you mean no."  Not letting my boundaries be breached is very difficult for me.

Trying to hold on to that progress.[/quote]
Waiting for the "other shoe to drop" I think is hard wired into you now, but I wouldn't look at it this way.  Some people respond really well to S.E.T. and boundaries.  They want and need constancy and structure.  My SO is doing the same thing.  She backs down every time I calmly state what I want to do and why, especially if it is best for the kids.

[Mustbeabetterway]

Thanks, LJ and BVOM for the encouragement.  Well, of course, yesterday the other shoe did drop.  I could do nothing right.  Then the name calling, blaming began.   He sends me mixed messages continually and sometimes I don't know if I am coming or going.  

After all the reading and studying anout BPD I have done, at. least I am not in denial about these mood swings, and black and white thinking.  I just kept thinking I needed to validate what he was saying in some way, but I was at a loss.  

Even armed with knowledge, it is still difficult to be a part of.  

[Lucky Jim]

Even armed with knowledge, it is still difficult to be a part of. 

Hi Mustbe, I think you have articulated the quandary that is part and parcel of a BPD r/s.  I do a lot of analytical thinking in my job and operated for many years under the assumption that I could "figure out" BPD and its effect on my marriage to a pwBPD.  Yet BPD proved far more complex and elusive than anything I had ever tackled before.  So I understand, it is difficult to be a part of.

LuckyJim

[Mustbeabetterway]

Even armed with knowledge, it is still difficult to be a part of. 

Hi Mustbe, I think you have articulated the quandary that is part and parcel of a BPD r/s.  I do a lot of analytical thinking in my job and operated for many years under the assumption that I could "figure out" BPD and its effect on my marriage to a pwBPD.  Yet BPD proved far more complex and elusive than anything I had ever tackled before.  So I understand, it is difficult to be a part of.

LuckyJim

Hi Lucky Jim, I am analytical, too. I view my career as a science - I love having things fit together and run smoothly.   I am a person who is logical and I have spent so many, many years trying to figure out the answer to our r/s problems.  Sadly, i find there is no satisfactory solution to this puzzle.

After careful study, I see that i can only change myself and that will probably not be enough to salvage this marriage.  I have just come to the realization of the depth and scope of this condition. 

I always felt as if I just wasn't explaining myself properly.   I felt the magic key would be to do things better, or get things right.  But, the target is always moving.  Being goal oriented, i would readjust myself and aim for the newest target. 

The funny thing is I am accomplished and successful in areas outside of my relationship.  So sad that this r/s is my achilles heal.   

There have been many good times, and I have a lot of good memories.  We have a beautiful, successful grown daughter.  So i don't consider the r/s a failure.  I am just tirewd of being continuously dragged down.  I saw a quote on this site "let go or be dragged".  I am ready to let go.

[BestVersionOfMe]

Even armed with knowledge, it is still difficult to be a part of. 

Hi Mustbe, I think you have articulated the quandary that is part and parcel of a BPD r/s.  I do a lot of analytical thinking in my job and operated for many years under the assumption that I could "figure out" BPD and its effect on my marriage to a pwBPD.  Yet BPD proved far more complex and elusive than anything I had ever tackled before.  So I understand, it is difficult to be a part of.

LuckyJim

Hi Lucky Jim, I am analytical, too. I view my career as a science - I love having things fit together and run smoothly.   I am a person who is logical and I have spent so many, many years trying to figure out the answer to our r/s problems.  Sadly, i find there is no satisfactory solution to this puzzle.

After careful study, I see that i can only change myself and that will probably not be enough to salvage this marriage.  I have just come to the realization of the depth and scope of this condition. 

I always felt as if I just wasn't explaining myself properly.   I felt the magic key would be to do things better, or get things right.  But, the target is always moving.  Being goal oriented, i would readjust myself and aim for the newest target. 

The funny thing is I am accomplished and successful in areas outside of my relationship.  So sad that this r/s is my achilles heal.   

There have been many good times, and I have a lot of good memories.  We have a beautiful, successful grown daughter.  So i don't consider the r/s a failure.  I am just tirewd of being continuously dragged down.  I saw a quote on this site "let go or be dragged".  I am ready to let go.

My BPDw has been the hardest thing to figure out in my entire life.  It seems impossible at times.  Right when you think things are doing better they go BSC on you.  I will tell you this.  The more my wife has been exposed to others to be crazy the more she has pushed them away and has punished me.  It is a fantasy land.  I'm the person that has poked holes in her bubble and she is pissed as hell about it and unless she gets help she probably will never forgive me for it.  I don't know if that is good or bad. 

[FigureIt]

I have thought about your question... .I think I would leave for you! You have spent time making him happy. It is now your time. And also making that time for you and your daughter. I know it can be scary and difficult, but YOU deserve to be happy too.

If I had an unlimited cash stream, I would be gone now!

[Mustbeabetterway]

I have thought about your question... .I think I would leave for you! You have spent time making him happy. It is now your time. And also making that time for you and your daughter. I know it can be scary and difficult, but YOU deserve to be happy too.

If I had an unlimited cash stream, I would be gone now!

Hi FigureIt, thanks for your support.  This forum has been invalueable. 

Yes, I am leaning that way.  It is hard for me to say even now that I deserve to be happy.  It feels selfish. 

I was raised to believe that serving others is the calling of a good and godly  person.  Now, from a mature perspective, I see that doing for others what they should be doing for themselves is a disservice to them and to myself.

Becoming unemeshed from my uBPDh is the hardest thing I have ever done.  It makes me sad beyond words.  It is hard to give up the expectation that he will change to make my life what I want it to be. 

On the other hand, taking responsibility for my own life, giving him back the responsibility for his life is the sanest thing I have ever done.

Looking for answers to my problems, reading what other people have done and just thinking a lot about making positive changes has been life changing. 

I know what I know and I can't turn back.

[BestVersionOfMe]

I have thought about your question... .I think I would leave for you! You have spent time making him happy. It is now your time. And also making that time for you and your daughter. I know it can be scary and difficult, but YOU deserve to be happy too.

If I had an unlimited cash stream, I would be gone now!

Hi FigureIt, thanks for your support.  This forum has been invalueable. 

Yes, I am leaning that way.  It is hard for me to say even now that I deserve to be happy.  It feels selfish. 

I was raised to believe that serving others is the calling of a good and godly  person.  Now, from a mature perspective, I see that doing for others what they should be doing for themselves is a disservice to them and to myself.

Becoming unemeshed from my uBPDh is the hardest thing I have ever done.  It makes me sad beyond words.  It is hard to give up the expectation that he will change to make my life what I want it to be. 

On the other hand, taking responsibility for my own life, giving him back the responsibility for his life is the sanest thing I have ever done.

Looking for answers to my problems, reading what other people have done and just thinking a lot about making positive changes has been life changing. 

I know what I know and I can't turn back.

How you doing?  Been 11 days since this last post.  Are you still on the forums?

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi BVOM,  thank you for asking.  I am doing some better.  I have been taking it one day at a time.  I actually have been able to apply some of what I have learned.  Been trying not to JADE.  That has helped.  I have been getting out and doing things that i enjoy - exercise, yoga, visiting with friends. 

Still staying upstairs.  Not ideal, but what I need at this point.

I read in ""Stop Caretaking the BPD... ." To select activities that are active and don't require a lot of conversation with pwBPD.  We both ride motorcycles and took a long ride several times.  We both really enjoyed that.  Actually had some shared fun. 

I am reading "Learning to Love yourself" by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse.  So far it is helpful.  Also reading a book that is making me literally laugh out loud. Trying not to be obsessed with our r/s issues.

I read it has been tough for you lately.  So sorry about that.  I am pulling for you. 

Having a good day?