Hi ripps,
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this with your gf.
Michelle called it in her response to you -- only you can make the decision to stay or leave. Many on these boards have been where you are now, myself included. What you wrote here brought back many memories for me --
I should add. She makes me feel clingy but I'm so not. I just want a relationship like it's been 1.5 years. She makes me feel like we just started dating all the time.
In all new r-ships, there's a reasonable and acceptable period of time when each partner is still trying to "figure out" the other one. Not arguing that it's a real healthy or always productive thing to do -- only that it's normal, as two people get to know each other and, particularly if they are developing strong feelings for each other, that they are trying to determine whether or not they can move forward with the r-ship -- in other words, whether the r-ship will be healthy and good for them. Particularly if either partner has ever survived an unhealthy r-ship, this phase is to be expected.
But, at some point in a committed, ongoing r-ship b/t two people, the constant questioning and wondering needs to stop, no? I'm sure it varies by people, history, personality and r-ship -- but at some point, trust has to kick in, and both parties need to be able to accept it and relax. At least for me, that's pretty much key to my willingness -- and I daresay ability -- to consider taking any romantic relationship to the next level. My ex gf was continually questioning my motives, intentions, commitment, love -- you name it -- there wasn't a single broad "relationship category" that wasn't under continual monitoring ans scrutiny. She made me feel like I was part of a HS bio lab dissection assignment. And she'd demand to know when I planned to marry her -- and every time, I responded that I wouldn't know until I was ready, and I wouldn't be ready until I felt like we'd established a solid foundation of mutual trust and love. And that, in the end, was the deal-breaker -- because she couldn't do that. I do believe it was because she suffers from BPD, or NPD, or some acute-ish clusterbee disorder -- but the only thing I was privy to was a Dx of bipolar. She wouldn't every admit to anything beyond that -- though she implied that a past therapist had suggested dissociative identity disorder some 20 years ago. And then she routinely would attribute all of her behaviors to other physical maladies, and claim that she was perfectly normal emotionally. Honest to God, I can;t believe I put up with it for as long as I did -- and it was only about 3 years. Which, to me, isn't all that long -- certainly long enough to know, and to be hurt -- but if you were to talk to her, you'd think we'd been married for 50 years without a single unhappy day and I up and left her without a single warning. Madness, ripps. It's madness. Whatever your choice, hang in there.
