should i press charges?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My diagnosed BPDex convinced my replacement to go after me... after several attempts at extortion, my boss and I decided to have him come in with his supposed evidence and a witness statement that way he is on camera and has documented allegations against me. This will be more than enough to press charges as he will have to explain why he is their when he lives an hour away.

My main question is should I press charges and file a civil suit? The witness statement will be written so it provides evidence of slander. I just worry as he's not really doing this maliciously but because she's making me out to be the bad guy and he's protecting her

[rapror496]

My diagnosed BPDex convinced my replacement to go after me... after several attempts at extortion, my boss and I decided to have him come in with his supposed evidence and a witness statement that way he is on camera and has documented allegations against me. This will be more than enough to press charges as he will have to explain why he is their when he lives an hour away.

My main question is should I press charges and file a civil suit? The witness statement will be written so it provides evidence of slander. I just worry as he's not really doing this maliciously but because she's making me out to be the bad guy and he's protecting her

[Restored2]

At minimal I would at least look at registering a complaint to be put on file with the police to protect yourself from further allegations and damage.  Pressing charges and filing a civil suit could come after this if need be.  It sounds like your issue is more with the replacement than with your ex.

[rapror496]

Yeah it's why I'm conflicted. I can see how someone could do what's he's doing

She's convinced him I'm a monster. So he's trying to protect her. I understand that she's really convincing. I just dont  want to pull the trigger on his future because he's to blind to the fact that she's lying about everything.

[Restored2]

To "pull the trigger on his future" does not sound like a good solution to the problem.  The replacement may need to have a warning shot from the police though.  Is this possible?

[rapror496]

Maybe. Her stepfather is a sergeant for our local police department and has made it difficult to get help from the police. I might be able to get his city's law enforcement involved to at least speak to him. But with him driving here they might just go ahead and prosecute. Where we are filing a police report doesn't really act as documentation as they press charges based on any evidence. With what he's doing it would really be out of my hands.

[livednlearned]

My ex told me awful things about wife number #2 (I was #3). But I didn't go after her.   It seems a bit "off" for him to have a campaign to smear you.

If this person is so motivated to attack you, he may have his own issues, more than just codependency.

You don't have to make a decision right now, do you? Meet with him as you have suggested, and see if you can get a feel for what he's about. You may learn that he is a normal guy, or find out that he's a negative advocate that won't relent.

Try to set aside feelings of guilt when it comes to protecting yourself. It's anger you want to watch -- there's no justice in the legal system, so actions motivated by anger don't end up well. But actions motivated by guilt don't end well either.

I hope the meeting works well and that the conflict begins to de-escalate. It sounds like you have a good boss on your side, and you've been able to come up with a smart plan. That goes a long way. Having someone who has your back can make these stressful situations a little less so.

[ogopogodude]

Have as little to do with these people in your life as possible.

Go buy a Go-Pro Hero with chest mount. Keep it ready at all times (fully charged, and with a huge gigabyte memory card).

Consider buying a dash cam for your vehicle.  If he drives an hour just to torment you, ... he will be back again. Document it.  Just being able to say that he has been coming around means NOTHING.  Having a video of him coming around is better evidence.

If you aren't into the go-pro thing then at least buy the car dash cam. Then if he comes over, walk outside to the front of your car, ... point to he car windshield, inform him that he is always being "watched" whenever he comes around you, also put on your video app with regards to your iPhone, ... .and start the video process.

You will see within a week he will go away.

BPD's do NOT like being video taped i.e. documented.

Harassment will cease altogether.  It worked for me.

(But it may not work for everybody).

You have the RIGHT to video tape yourself.  If he chooses to be in the video WITH you, that is HIS choice.