Introduction

[11 Nonna]

Hello,

My name is 11Nonna. My mother has been diagnosed with a soft borderline personality disorder. I have dealt with that all of my life and for the most part our relationship now is more than manageable.

However my daughter-in-law is showing soft signs of BPD. I've known her since she was 15 yrs. old. They are now 35 years old.

Basically we always got along great but when she had my first Grandson things really changed. She had what I would call pretty severe postpartum depression.

She wasn't able to care for her baby. My Grandson is almost 4 yrs. old and basically it has been, "I hate you, don't leave me."

That is what prompted me to join your group. It's so different when it is an in law. If I set boundaries I risk losing my son and my grandchildren. I have the skills and the knowledge to handle the situation but talk about walking on eggshells!

Thank you for welcoming me into your group,

11 Nonna

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello 11 Nonna,



We are happy to have you join our group!

Sorry to hear that you suspect your daughter in law to have traits of BPD and how this is affecting your relationship with your son and grandson.

How does your son view the strained relationship?  Does he see any problems with his wife's behaviors and thought processes?

How is your grandson doing?  4 is such a wonderful age of discovery!

I look forward to your reply and learning how to best support you as you find ways to improve your relationships.

lbj

[livednlearned]

Hi 11 Nonna,

Welcome to bpdfamily! I wanted to join lbjnltx in saying hi, and learn more about your situation with your DIL, and how your GS is doing. I love that age! Do you get to see him often? How is she in parenting him? Sometimes it seems as though it is easier for mothers with BPD during the toddler years, and it starts to get difficult as the kids begin to individuate.

Do you find any of the skills you learned managing your relationship with your mother can be transferred to your DIL? I can understand how boundaries would be trickier because she has the ultimate leverage, that would be very challenging for me. But is she responsive to validation and SET (support, empathy, truth)?