Wow, there is a lot of anger, resentment, hatred, hurt, etc. being expressed in this thread... .and that's understandable. We, us Non's, have been through the ringer. I feel for all of you, my brothers and sisters that unknowingly got swept into BPD chaos, myself included.
As I stated above in another post, Forgiveness is as beneficial to the Forgiver as it is for the Forgiven. You control--who, when, why-- when you choose to forgive someone. It is an empowering act/gesture that you give, you control. It tells the transgressor that you have moved beyond them and their transgression against you. They, nor their transgression, no longer have/has control in YOUR life. Forgiveness is an impenetrable shield. It takes all power away from the transgressor.
The Forgiver is also freed from anger, hurt, resentment, etc. in the Forgiving process, if it is true Forgiveness from the heart and soul. It is an act of self-love. Forgiveness is not an act of denial and forgetting: it is an act of recognition and knowing.
Hi can I ask about you? You seem very intuitive? I have been on a daily road of forgiveness ITS not worth being a angry, resentful, jealous, bitter, vindictive person. My ex's ex husband resented me with every cell never could smile, never could try to hold a kind conversation, always tried to trigger my ex which wasn't hard, ( I mean his tactics were remedial and shed bite every time unless I gave her a huge lecture), I mean most people would see thru such stupid stuff like... .an ex trying to bad mouth new partner ... .not her she question is he right?, or WOW he said this, Just like are you serious you dont just see he is trying to play you... .anyway that must be the toddler thing emotionally.
I pray I forgive I pray I forgive... .Im not even as mad as I was. In fact I wish them all well. Im in a better place and I will continue to be the person I am not WHO I was projected as by her, her ex, her ex friends. This is ALL a mentally twisted situation I was in and now Im not.
christin5433,
I am not sure that I am intuitive. I realized in my fiasco that a crazy person was flying the plane. That simply was not going to work, so I had to take the steps to put on my parachute and bail out. It was a difficult decision and a difficult process. I could have easily married this woman if she would have been well and receptive to the union. She and I go way back, all the way to HS. We had been sepetated for 32 years when we once again found one another. I had no idea that she was/is sick with a mental disorder.
When the relationship tanked, I had no option other than to forgive. That was the only way that I could move forward. More importantly, this woman, my BPDexgf, was a very dear and close friend to me at one time. It would not be right for me to hold her illness against her. At one time in my life I would have gladly hung the moon for her. I deeply value her role in my life. I value greatly the friendship that we once had. I cannot/will not displace those memories with anger, resentment, hate, hurt, etc. I won't make that deal. Forgiveness was/is the only option that allows me to retain that part of her within me. I will not forsake her there as well. Having to forsake a friend in real life was/is quiet more than one should ever be asked to do.
