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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: How pdb influences you and the madness of this  (Read 372 times)
Croftoneast
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: March 01, 2015, 07:18:19 AM »

Hi all, wondering whether you can help me get my head around the whirlwind of the last few months, it's been difficult for me to understand. I Had  my first long term relationship age 26 as I waited for the right person to come along.  I met my partner who I always felt was not the most attractive woman but made up for it with a captivating, alluring type of personality that had me sucked in.  She had a difficult childhood, had been sexually abused by her brother when she was a child, her father died when she was 4 of a sudden illness,  her mother she absolutely hates as said she always loved her brother more than her and never gave her any affection or attention.  Her stepfather also had an affair and left her mother. She later discovered that both her mother and father were having affairs away from one another.

We have 2 children in our relationship aged 14 and 8.  Our relationship has always been difficult, I believed she had been unfaithful soon after we met and this had caused me pain but I chose to stay as I had immense feelings for her.  What I had noticed through the years was her ability to compulsively lie, she had difficulty in her work relationships also and would fall out with colleagues and had a desire to scale the career ladder.  She could be emotionally cold at times but could disguise this by manipulation to pretend that she cared and was happy. 

14 months ago she had difficulties at work, a complaint was made against her and she negotiated a redundancy pay off.  She received a large amount if monies and was selfish with her spending.  I had a difficult year at work  and the stress of work combined with breakdown in relationship caused me great anxiety and depression.  My partner lost weight, I was happy for her, she developed a great level of self confidence, she became a different person both physically and emotionally that I did not longer recognise, this created anxieties for me as I felt I was no longer good enough for her. 

She became so self absorbed, was spending lots of monies on herself but it became foolish spending without much consideration.  I became unhappy and was worried that I would lose her, I became insecure, I made her aware of this and that i was worried she would leave me for someone else.  She began drinking a bottle of wine every night, was hanging out with the mums at the school daily and living a pretentious lifestyle that did not fit our economic status.She always lived above her status and was preoccupied with wealth, looked down at others from weaker financial status.  She became to alienate me and I found my children were  doing likewise as if influenced by her .I became so distressed by the fear of losing her that when I consumed alcohol this would influence my behaviour and I would say the wrong destructive things to her or would act violently by physically striking items of furniture around me in a rage.  On one occasion I took an overdose of tablets when she asked me to leave the relationship to numb the pain and although not intending to take my life realised how foolish this was, had let myself down and was distraught.  I felt my behaviour in the last year was veering out of control as I loved this woman and did not know how to be without her. I felt she was determining my behaviour, I always felt she had a personality disorder of some kind and felt that this was infectious on me and my behaviour would change when with her.  I was also scared about a family breakup. I felt her attitude change towards me, was influencing negative behaviours that I began to regrettably display as I was desperate and had no insight in to the way she was leading me, I felt a weak broken man that was crumbling in to great decline.

I was off sick from work and began to wonder whether someone else was involved. She denied this always. My eldest daughter began to swear at me and if I corrected this behaviour her mother would get involved, I felt powerless, could sense a loss of respect all round, this culminated in a huge alienation from the children that seemed to be led by her. She would pick arguments and then blame me, I could sense a detachment from the relationship, she began telling other parents at the school and began to criticise me to them and tell them how unhappy in the relationship she was.  I was desperate to hold on to the relationship for family values and because I loved her dearly and would pursue her around the home to ask her to reconsider and not break up the family. She saw this as harassment and intimidation.

She asked me to leave in October but I refused to leave my home, she then left with the children to stay with a friend after I discovered she had been letting my 13 year old daughter meet with a 17 year old and go out to meet with him. We had a dispute over this and she left the home as I refused to leave.   She then served me with a non molestation order, an occupation order with a power of arrest which prevented me from entering my children's rooms and going in to certain areas of the home at certain meal times for example, when in use by her and the children.  I felt completely humiliated, I was trying to tell my children how much I loved them and how I was always there for them but she felt that I was emotionally suffering them when in fact she had created this situation. 

This was revoked 6 days later as she realised how unworkable this was and she agreed to attempt counselling and repair the relationship, I would move out, we would go out on dates, I get counselling for my anxiety and we gradually build.  However I now realise that this was all a plan to take us up to the expiry day of our joint tenancy as she wanted sole possession of the home.  We did go out on dates but she was cold, her eye contact very poor and she would initiate argument, blame me and then ask me to leave the home. She had put our eldest child in to counselling sessions at school due to our arguing and blamed me for this.  I was becoming incredibly stressed by the fact that I was displaced from my family home at Xmas, I did not see my children on Xmas or Boxing Day,my eldest daughter would not talk with me, I was going to work whilst she stayed at home during the day not doing much.i became a nervous wreck, I lost my dignity, was worried about separation from her and the children and this culminated in a regrettable event which I feel she orchestrated. We went to a party together, she had been playing up, was blowing hot and cold, was treating me poorly.  I was drunk, she announced the relationship to be over on leaving the party and did this in a cruel and provocative way.  I hit her to the head with a soft blow in a moment of madness and was arrested for common assault,  I had to declare this at work and am going through so much anguish at work as have a disciplinary hearing.  She played this event out to my eldest child who was present when the police interviewed her in the family home and told me how my daughter brushed her hair as she wept in front of the police.  She also told me that I would never beat her psychologically as she was too strong for me.  She had also pocket dialled a friend on her telephone at the time of the assault so all of this was captured on her friends phone.  She has got her and the children in family therapy as said this is due to the effects of my behaviour on her and the children.  What I now realise is that she was unhappy in the relationship but she had set out to destroy me in the process of separating.  Every time I meet with her and the children she twists the conversation and says the children are becoming stressed and I need to leave. I end up drinking with her when together and then she says things about what I say that I can't recall and she uses this as a reason for me not to be in the family home as says the children are  stressed, I'm too intense, they find it difficult to cope with.  I feel her accusations are fabricated. My eldest daughter continues to have little dialogue with me and is antagonistic towards me.  I have given her nothing but love, care and provided financially well all through her life.  As for my ex partner It is crazy as it comes out if the blue, she shouts and becomes crazed blaming me for the way she is like this.  She tells me that my youngest child does not wish to be with me but this is untrue as she speaks to me when I am with her.  She has a hate campaign out against me at the school and she has truly set out to destroy me. She is running away with the power of ending the relationship and has lost any dignity about the impact this has on me and our daughter at the school. She is enjoying the attention she is getting from her distant family, friends and school parent friends.  She has since alienated the children from my family members. My family warned me not to go to that party as they believed that she would set me up. Along this journey I have lost dignity, self respect, pride and allowed myself to be humiliated by her. I bought everything in the family home almost while she spent monies on herself and now she is disputing the ownership of these items.  I feel the lowest I have felt in my lifetime and I can see the contempt she has for me. She is full of hate and anger, I do not recognise her no longer.  She is also in the early stages if menopause and her alcohol consumption must be affecting her mood also.  She has always been controlling of our girls, she sees them always as hers, spoils them and has turned them against me.  I challenged some of her parental management but to no avail.  I did not see any of this coming. It feels like she wants me to go to prison, make me go mad to a point of being hospitalised or for me to take my own life.  The strangest thing is I still love her although she says I have an unhealthy obsession about her and she is probably right.  She would appear to have npd.  I am tired and very confused about how all of this has occurred without me spotting her true intentions earlier on.  My text messages to her are written with feelings and honesty where hers are written for the benefit of a third party, legal representation. I feel she has instigated all of this and is out to destroy me. 
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