1 month out of RTC for DD15

[Parents! Get help here!]

So here we are 1 month out of the RTC and I don't know what to make of it. My daughter is back to cutting, refusing her meds and isolating. On the good side, she is doing the online schoolwork we set up for her and is having less issues with her friends. I am of course sick with worry because we have never made it more than 6 weeks without a suicide attempt out of treatment. I see the spiral, but at the same time trying not to live in "crisis mode". I am really trying to focus on the few small positive steps, but it's really hard.

She has been asking to have her phone overnight on weekends (we take it at 11 every night), but this is not something we are willing to do as she is highly triggered as it is with any perceived social slight. She has also used her phone at night to plan sneaking out to meet boys. It's simply a house rule. This has become a major issue over the last few days and has become her sole focus. I have told her that I understand that this is a different rule than her friends have and that I can see how she could feel left out, but that it is our rule. I am worried about this for her.

I don't really know where this is all going, just needed to put it out there.

[busymind79]

So here we are 1 month out of the RTC and I don't know what to make of it. My daughter is back to cutting, refusing her meds and isolating. On the good side, she is doing the online schoolwork we set up for her and is having less issues with her friends. I am of course sick with worry because we have never made it more than 6 weeks without a suicide attempt out of treatment. I see the spiral, but at the same time trying not to live in "crisis mode". I am really trying to focus on the few small positive steps, but it's really hard.

She has been asking to have her phone overnight on weekends (we take it at 11 every night), but this is not something we are willing to do as she is highly triggered as it is with any perceived social slight. She has also used her phone at night to plan sneaking out to meet boys. It's simply a house rule. This has become a major issue over the last few days and has become her sole focus. I have told her that I understand that this is a different rule than her friends have and that I can see how she could feel left out, but that it is our rule. I am worried about this for her.

I don't really know where this is all going, just needed to put it out there.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi busymind,

Thanks for the update.  Sorry that your d15 isn't doing well. 

What kind of treatment did she receive at the RTC? 

Do you have a home contract?

Have you been in touch with her primary therapist at the RTC?

Looking for more info for better understanding so I can better help.



lbj

[busymind79]

Thanks for responding, lbj. She was receiving dbt therapy for 5 weeks at the center and seemed to really do well with it. I don't know what a home contract is, so I assume I don't have one. I do have the phone number for the therapist at the center, but wasn't sure about calling it as she does have an outpatient therapist she sees twice a week.

[lbjnltx]

Thanks for responding, lbj. She was receiving dbt therapy for 5 weeks at the center and seemed to really do well with it. I don't know what a home contract is, so I assume I don't have one. I do have the phone number for the therapist at the center, but wasn't sure about calling it as she does have an outpatient therapist she sees twice a week.

So she was in an inpatient intensive DBT program for about 5 weeks?

Has she been seeing the outpatient therapist since coming home?  Group therapy too?

Do you have the same skills she does?  Can you speak in DBT terms to her to remind her to use her skills?

That is what I did when my d came home from RTC... .I learned along side her so that we spoke that same therapeutic language and I could remind her that she has skills to use to help herself.  My daughter was in longterm RTC treatment (10 months) so her skills were very solidified.

[DisneyMom]

My 15 year old spent 5 months in RTC last year. We took her out and she was riding high on a wave of feeling she had recovered. But slowly we realized, this is never really going away forever. We just have to be satisfied with keeping the lows from getting too low. I recall clear as day the meeting at RTC when my DD said "I'm done with that" referring to cutting. And I allowed myself to believe that nightmare was behind us. There are many times she uses her skills and gets past urges without cutting. But there are also times she relapses into cutting. And she certainly has her isolation times. There are times she just stays in her bed with the lights off. In the middle of the day. Doing nothing. Yes, it's hard. Trying to coax her out without seeming obvious or desperate.

We went through times of her threatening "not being safe." Words from treatment. We stayed with her during those times, talking her down from her requests to go to the hospital. Moods shift quickly, so waiting it out works great for us, since we have learned from DBT about validation. We don't get angry or do anything that may escalate her.

We used to take phones overnight before she started going into crisis. Now we don't. But honestly, the meds and her routine make her fall asleep fairly quickly so it isn't much of an issue. We do have a timer on the Wi-Fi. it's off at midnight. 2 am on weekends. Our kids find this more palatable than yanking their devices. If she chooses to break a rule such as sneaking out, she receives a consequence for that choice. I don't blame the phone. She is held accountable for her behavior, phone or no phone.