So I Took my kids out to dinner last night with some friends. I've realized getting myself out in public social settings has done wonders for my emotional health lately. I actually ran into my exBPD gf's best friend who she had split black last spring. I knew her friend because she had babysat my children for me on occasion last year. At the time, she came highly recommended by my ex-girlfriend. Someone who was responsible and whom I could trust. Her friend watched my children for a few weeks and then 'something' happened between her and my ex shortly thereafter. Some kind of trivial argument between the two of them. Somehow it also involved her friend's Husband as well which I never really understood how he got roped into the argument. I never got all the details but I heard the the story for days on end from my ex about how a horrible and irresponsible person her best friend was and how dangerous and threatening she was (and I let my children stay in this Woman's home?) Looking back, knowing what I know now, this was another one of her rages. Anyways, she wanted nothing to do with her friend anymore. Her parents who were also friends of her best friend were not allowed to have anything to do with her either. I, most of all, was to have nothing to do with her. I didn't ask any questions. I simply shrugged my shoulders and said to myself "time to find a new babysitter."
When I talked to her friend last night, it was simple small talk stuff. We had other people around us at the time. Not appropriate to get into details and ask questions. My friend who I came there with asked her how she knew me and my ex's name obviously came up in the conversation. My friend asked her "Are you two still friends?" She replied, "No I've had no contact with her for almost a year now. I have no idea why."
I was shocked. How could she not know? Her and my ex had been friends since childhood. I started thinking to myself (again) ":)amn. maybe it was just me. Maybe this is just all in my head." How could her friend not see such a serious problem existed in my ex after all these years?
Anyways, (another) long story short... .I was sitting by myself at the bar (getting change for the kids video games... .not drinking). My ex's ex-best friend came up to me as she was leaving.
She looked me right in the eyes and said "I'm so happy you finally figured it all out."
That's all she said to me. And... .that's all I needed to hear.
I also received validation from my ex's "ex best friend" after we broke up - it helped a LOT in my healing. Primarily because it confirmed a pattern of behavior in my ex - it wasn't "me," it wasn't "my fault," there wasn't anything more I could have done.
