How many of you had an ex that struggled with addiction(s)?

[FlSunshineGirl]

I was just curious if anyone's BPD ex suffered from addiction or many addictions?

Mine seemed to have several and I was curious if it is a part of the disorder.

[Reecer1588]

I myself have a gambling addiction. I stopped gambling on October 9th, 2014. Haven't messed with it since.

As for my ex, Nope. Her Dad got lung cancer, and it seems to have really given her an aversion to smoking.

She would sometimes drink wine with ME. but that was it.

Partying? She hates it, doesn't like being around all the people. Probably would get really nervous if she were in a party situation. She'd be sober and confused. Guarantee it.

So for my 19 y.o uBPDexgf, sorry. No impulsiveness, no addictions. Made me doubt if she even had the disorder for a long time, and I still do doubt it because of her lack of impulsive behavior.

[Maternus]

Yes, substance abuse and addictions are hallmark traits of BPD.

[Reecer1588]

Yes, substance abuse and addictions are hallmark traits of BPD.

This is true though. My story would be the exception, not the rule.

[nowwhatz]

Yes gambling.  Slots.

Unfortunatley I almost got hooked on them after a couple of years of taking her to the casino. They can be fun but are very addictive. 

[brokenbyothers]

YES, mine was addicted to pain pills, alcohol, and weed.

[FlSunshineGirl]

Mine was a former drug addict. When he got clean he seemed to suffer from several of what my T called "process addictions" like binge eating and gambling.

[downwhim]

Mine is a total addict. He is addicted to pain medication. He has been on disability for 9 years now and no drug is strong enough. He has had 5 operations since I have known him. He used medical marijuana until the doctor was not allowed to prescribe both. He was better when he could smoke pot. It mellowed him out and he was actually really nice then... .

[HappyNihilist]

My exBPDbf's addictions... .cocaine (clean for years), alcohol, sex, porn, binge eating (then periods of extreme diet/exercise, then back to binge eating), cigarettes, and a trove of passing obsessions.

[willtimeheal]

Alcohol. She is an alcoholic. She comes from a family of alcoholics. And let's not forget drama... .She is addicted to drama... .which she will deny deny deny but she creates it all the time.

[Reecer1588]

Alcohol. She is an alcoholic. She comes from a family of alcoholics. And let's not forget drama... .She is addicted to drama... .which she will deny deny deny but she creates it all the time.

HA! i like it. Yes mine was "addicted" to drama then'

[FlSunshineGirl]

Yes! I agree about the drama addiction too! He would always say he hated drama but I don't think he could tolerate when things were going well and things were calm. He'd pick a fight almost weekly at the end.

I think mine also suffered from sex addiction (very compulsive in his sexual habits) or love or relationship addiction too. He had such an obsession with me when I was idealized. He had a "shrine" to me in his room with pictures of me, cards I have him and little momentos of things we had done. But what was so weird was him actually calling it his "(my name) shrine". He would always tell me he was going through withdrawals when we were apart. He was a self proclaimed "hopeless romantic" and loved watching chic flicks and reading historical fiction romance novels.

Thank you all for sharing your comments.

[Hope0807]

Personality Disorders, not just Borderline Personality Disorders are MOST OFTEN, but of course not always, combined with addictions.  Mine was an alcoholic and drug addict completely in denial.  Read up.  Stay strong and good luck. 

I was just curious if anyone's BPD ex suffered from addiction or many addictions?

Mine seemed to have several and I was curious if it is a part of the disorder.

[Penumbra66]

My uBPD ex gf had been almost completely sober for two years. She and the replacement got high together as "friends," and within ten days or so was drinking and drugging every day. Almost failed classes the last semester of her senior year in college. She showed up for her internship so high that she'd lock herself in her office, vomit, and then nod off. She recieved an unsatisfactory on the internship for missing too many days, over a six or eight week program.

I grew up with drug and alcohol addicted friends, but I've never seen anyone fall so far, so fast. She went from being an exceptional student, getting letters of recommendation from her professors for grad school, working two internships, and having jobs lined up post graduation, to losing a job, getting caught blatantly cheating on a midterm exam, and then somehow weaseling additional extra credit for the same class. If it hadn't been for a convincing "poor me" sob story, she would not have graduated. I think she actually used the fact that she was having an affair with a married man – – her philosophy instructor – – to excuse her poor academic performance. She actually emailed a number of her classmates, offering to pay for the solution to the midterm. Of course they turned her in. I can't believe that she was able to get out of that one.

In retrospect, she had many indicators of borderline personality disorder before relapsing, but when the drugs and alcohol started, she became the worst person I could ever even imagine. Strike that – – actually, her behavior was so horrible that I couldn't even come close to imagining someone behave as coldhearted and ruthlessly as she did. She dumped me just a few days after her "friendship" began with my replacement, before getting back together with me for three days, dumping me again, and then, five days later, begging me back. The final discard happened a week or so later, when I realize that her affair had continued the whole time after she had "promised" to make things right between us again. When I asked her if she was with me or him, she didn't hesitate. Him. And, like a typical borderline, she told me that she still loved me, and would be willing to get back together sometime down the road, if we were both still interested. It's just that she needed to do this "for now." Total insanity. And like many of you, I spent months trying to make sense of something completely senseless and illogical.

I've always struggled with the way her personality changed, and the way she destroyd a one and a half year relationship that she claimed to be happy in. How much of that was BPD and how much of that was her drug and alcohol addiction I will never know. But in the end, does it really matter? The last five weeks or so of our relationship were nothing but total chaos and confusion, and it's not something that I would ever subject myself to again. While there were red flags previously in our relationship, before her relapse things had gone fairly smoothly, and I was increasingly enjoying our time together. She was more the waif/hermit type, and while she could be very difficult, demanding, and needy, she never raged at me. Or at least not more than once or twice. Then, lliterally overnight, our relationship began to unravel.

Eight months later, and I'm still wondering who this person really was.

A friend of mine, a long time alcoholic now in recovery for about eight years or so, reminded me that addiction is a progressive disease. That is, it always gets worse. I've seen this in a number of good friends of mine that I eventually had a falling out with. Their behavior just became worse and worse. Addictions can also pick up almost immediately where they left off. He referenced actor Seymour Philip Hoffman, sober for 19 or 20 years, then dead of an overdose a short time after relapsing.

If your current or ex love interest has addiction problems, I would encourage you to research addiction too. Just like borderline personality disorder, addiction causes huge problems, and can be equally difficult to treat. While BPD and addiction are often comorbid, I don't think I've ever seen an addict quite like my ex. My mother worked with alcoholics and addicts as a registered nurse in an addiction treatment center for about 25 years. She told me that borderlines have just about the worst recovery rate of all. Something to keep in mind if your BPD ex has problems with drugs or alcohol.

Like BPD, love will not conquer addiction. Both are very serious long term--typically lifetime-- problems. Realizing that helps keep me from engaging in a recycle.

[ReluctantSurvivor]

My dBPDex has 3 main addictions: smoking, soft drinks(4-6 cans a day, no water) and MDMA.  When confronted about the MDMA she justified it by saying using was the only time she felt happy.  Words of a true addict.

She has tried to quit smoking for a day with patches then quits.  She is extremely lazy and has zero discipline.  She complains about weight issues but refuses to accept that drinking soft drinks all day long might be a contributing factor.  She has her comfort zone and nothing will make her change, not even failing health (obesity, horrible tooth decay, going bald).

[going places]

Porn.

Like from 7pm till 6 am. 3-4 days a week.

He looked at it at work. He undresses women every where he goes.

He fantasizes about having sex with every woman he meets, literally... .

He has been ate up by porn for over 30 years... .

I worked nights... .I had no idea he was going upstairs around 7 pm and viewing online until I got home; then waited for me to fall asleep to continue.

No wonder he would get home from work at 5 and take a 'nap' till 7 (or when ever dinner was ready).

Sickening.

[Invictus01]

I've always struggled with the way her personality changed, and the way she destroyd a one and a half year relationship that she claimed to be happy in. How much of that was BPD and how much of that was her drug and alcohol addiction I will never know. But in the end, does it really matter? The last five weeks or so of our relationship were nothing but total chaos and confusion, and it's not something that I would ever subject myself to again. While there were red flags previously in our relationship, before her relapse things had gone fairly smoothly, and I was increasingly enjoying our time together. She was more the waif/hermit type, and while she could be very difficult, demanding, and needy, she never raged at me. Or at least not more than once or twice. Then, lliterally overnight, our relationship began to unravel.

Yeah, we dated for 6 months, and that's pretty much the last 2 weeks for me. Don't get me wrong, we would go out together and drink and all that. But the last 2-3 weeks before she walked away she just really cranked it up. One night she went out and the next morning and sent her a text jokingly asking her how bad her head hurt. To which she replied - "My whole life hurts". No smilies, no nothing. Just a dead serious one sentence reply. If only I had any idea at the time what she meant by that... .

[Lucky Jim]

Yes!  Alcohol and pain pills.  My BPDxW drank a 12-pack of Coors Light every night, and I'm not exaggerating.  I finally attended Al-anon meetings to help cope with it.  She received pain pills after a back operation and quickly became addicted to them, too.

[clydegriffith]

The one i was involved with is most certainly a sex addict, which i've come to realize just as destructive as any serious alcohol or drug abuse. The thing with being a sex addict however though is that it's much easier to hide than a drug/alcohol problem and thus easier to pretend to be normal and that all is right with the world.

[FlSunshineGirl]

The one i was involved with is most certainly a sex addict, which i've come to realize just as destructive as any serious alcohol or drug abuse. The thing with being a sex addict however though is that it's much easier to hide than a drug/alcohol problem and thus easier to pretend to be normal and that all is right with the world.

Yes!

Towards the end I found out about his bizzare masturbation habits which was another thing that led me to believe he was a sex addict.

Found out he liked to do that while he drove, even when he was in his company truck. He was an A/C installer and would get stressed out on the job and take videos of himself getting off. What the heck?

He definitely used self pleasure as a coping mechanism.

So deeply odd!

[Climbmountains91]

Yup my BPD ex drinks every single night without fail, cant go without it, starts at 9, sometimes 7. til he passes out. Doesn't drink in the day. Its not just a beer its the whiskey straight. It cheers him up, makes him more sociel apparently. He drinks at home. Goes out every saturday. He thinks its not affecting his life in a way it isn't cause he doesn't do it in the day but it is as its still in his system the next day and his always tired and lethargic.