What's with the lies?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Three weeks ago he broke up with me because I refused to go somewhere and refuses to speak to me at all. He told one friend he broke up with me because I was always breathing down his neck and would not give him space. It is not the truth. If it was why would he get mad about me not going somewhere with him. He should of been happy I refused. He recently told another friend that he loves me but we have grown apart. Really?  Again back to me not wanting to go somewhere with him. He told his friend he doesn't want to talk to me because he is afraid about what he would say. It has been three weeks. How afraid can he be. I would rather that then nothing. Also that was the first time I refused to go somewhere. I always went everywhere he wanted. He was being very insensitive that day and that's why I refused to go. He still will not talk to me. What now?

[Moving on strong]

Three weeks ago he broke up with me because I refused to go somewhere and refuses to speak to me at all. He told one friend he broke up with me because I was always breathing down his neck and would not give him space. It is not the truth. If it was why would he get mad about me not going somewhere with him. He should of been happy I refused. He recently told another friend that he loves me but we have grown apart. Really?  Again back to me not wanting to go somewhere with him. He told his friend he doesn't want to talk to me because he is afraid about what he would say. It has been three weeks. How afraid can he be. I would rather that then nothing. Also that was the first time I refused to go somewhere. I always went everywhere he wanted. He was being very insensitive that day and that's why I refused to go. He still will not talk to me. What now?

[sun seeker]

   Hi moving.

Sorry you are going throgh this.

 From my experience with dexBPDgf . The lies are combinations of self preservation , projection, control, abandonment issues and distortion of reality. I would ask my exBPDgf what would like to do today. I received the same answer every time. "I dont know"  for two years . So I would say well we can go to here, here or here or do this , this or that... Then when my dexBPDgf would rage (every two weeks) and she would say I always do what  you want and never do what i want to do. and then she would start smear campaigns about how horrible I am, to any one that would listen.

   The same with  food. She is a bulimic.  So I had to buy food she considered "safe" food that she would eat. I ate alot of chicken. Steak was considered "unsafe" by her. I eat alot of steak now though. How i missed it.  Lol . But when she raged she always said "I eat what ever you buy". (She never held a job for more than a few weeks.)   C-mon really.

  Just need to stay mindfull that our ex's are mentally disordered. They are mentally a child in an adult body.  There is no reasoning with unreasonable. Its not you hun its him 100% . Hang in there you will be ok.  

 I repeat to my self " they where never our girl/guy it was just my turn. Sad but its the truth.

[Moving on strong]

Thanks. I know its him but after everything you think he could talk to me one time. I refused to go somewhere and that was it no contact since then. This was a minor argument. Nothing you break up over. I have been crying for three weeks straight. I wish I could shut off my emotion and not care. He has it easy with being able to walk away so easy. I wish I was able to do that.

[tjay933]

pwBPD see things very different than we do. they have feelings then twist the reality to make sense of the feelings. they actually believe that things happened that way. in his mind, he probably really believes that is what happened. for example, if he suddenly feels degraded, he assumes that you must have done/said something that was degrading him in some way. you may have said absolutely nothing or something that was completely the opposite but because he had this feeling, it must be true so in his mind you degraded him. it is very typical for pwBPD to get mixed up this way. we have all beaten ourselves up over similar experiences to yours. looking back i wish i hadn't beaten myself up and i hope you won't as it did me no good-looking back. there was nothing i did wrong to deserve treating myself this way and you shouldn't treat yourself this harshly either. imo.

we are all part of the human race and ask yourself if you would beat up someone else for behaving as you did yourself? no? then why are you beating yourself up over it? you deserve to be treated as fairly as you would treat the other person right? you are worth it. we all are.

stay safe.