Just a quick question.need help

[Kasina]

Hello everyone,

I am going through a break up with my ubpfbf and its been more than a month.i have told all of my story in other threads.last night he replied to my texts and seemed like in a mood to talk .he said he loves me but I just can't be with him right now,when I asked why he said 'you just can't '.

He also asked me to find someone better than him and at least try to settle,if nobody will accept me then he will take me back and we can get married as we planed to this summer(we were engaged ).he also said that I m better without him and that I have a bright future ahead and have so many options while he's just pathetic .

I tried to validate him but he just ended the conversation by telling me that go and be happy let him cope up with his bull ___ and again repeated that he will take me back if I didn't get settled with anyone else or if my future imaginary bf dumped me.

I was really pissed of and haven't replied him afterwards.can anyone please tell me what is this about?this is the second time he has said it.

Wth just this means and what am I supposed to do about it?please can anyone give me some insight on this ...

Thankyou all-

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tjay933]

imo-looks like he is playing the victim role-looking for you to rescue him. have you read up on the roles that pwBPD play? might be a good place to re-read if you haven't recently. should be in the lessons plans. just my opinion.

[Kasina]

Hey tjay,

Thankyou for the reply,no I haven't read about the tole playing in BPD,Img to look it up in lessons.

[tjay933]

 

PERSPECTIVES: Conflict dynamics / Karpman Triangle 

this is the name of the role playing that I am referring to in case you can't identify/find it. It's on this site-you may have to search it as I don't know how to put the link directly

[ColdEthyl]

It's a push/pull play. My H will say things similar when he's feeling down about himself. If you find someone, it confirms for him in his head that you never needed him at all, and you found someone much better.

[Kasina]

Thankyou for sharing this info tjay,

I have read about this conflict dynamic,my BPDbf does this with me and his ex (who used to be a good friend of mine once)until we both his ex and I put a stop at it by her going NC with him and I stopped playing along and enabling him by being 'the rescuer'.

He tried to create this drama triangle with another mutual friend but cause I had already recognised this drama pattern so I stayed neutral and didn't get involved without being invalidating or abandoning but it made me resent for quite sometime because I didn't know how to explain it to him that what he was doing was not healthy as he portrayed me in front of her as if I was the one who's was the problem in the relationship'the 'persecutor' .

However this time I think it's something else ...

Like cold ethyl said its more of a push/pull as he was feeling rejected and abandoned by me since past month and also has been dysregulated due to some inner turmoil ...

This conflict dynamic was a little hard to understand I have read it twice and still not quite clear in about getting the real idea and concept of it being elaborated.

Help me understand and correct me if I haven't gotten the point here.

Thankyou

[Kasina]

Hey cold ethyl,

Thankyou for the reply,yes I agree with you it's typical push/pull play.oh! I so wish he would just stop now its been more than 2 years now I haven through all of his hoops... I m just so done with the testing all the time...

Usually there are so many things going in in BPD's head that it really hard for us non's to understand what caused it in order to react and act accordingly ...

Specially if the SO is like my bf,a introvert ... hardly tells what's really bothering him.

Thankyou anyway for the help.