The word of the day is D - Disturbed, Disgusted and Disappointed :(

[Depression = 72% of members]

It's one of these days today when I can't believe I got surprised again with my exBPDx husbands actions.

I have been struggling with his harassment for a month now (does the extinction burst last that long?). I don't know why but I had a hunch and I contacted my friend yesterday asking her if she still talks to him. She used to date my exBPDh's best friend and we would go out on double dates and considered her my friend.

At first she was very modest in her answers and I felt she was trying to get information from me first. Then she told me my ex has been texting her constantly and she didn't know whom to believe because he had painted me really black to her, telling her I flipped out, had him arrested, tried to take his daughter away from him etc.

She sent me screen shots of his messages to her in which he was telling her that I had someone hack his phone and I discovered their previous messages. When I asked her what messages he's talking about she said that he always tries to "hang out" with her and that she is always playing into it to see how far he goes and she told me she keeps screen shots of the messages in case I ever want to get back with him. She told me she'd never have anything with him etc.

Anyway, one of his messages to her that she forwarded to me was a suggestion to have mind boggling sex and take selfies and send them to me. I was really disturbed with the fact that he's trying to get laid while simultaneously harasses me by calling me a slut and a whore every singe day because he thinks I had an affair with my divorce attorney. I also thought it was crazy he'd accuse me of hacking into his phone.

Fast forward to last night, I got contacted by someone on Facebook who used to be friends with my exBPDh. She told me that my ex owes her boyfriend money and they got mad and they in fact hacked into his phone and saw messages between my friend and my ex. She sent them to me because she thought we were still together (we were trying to get back together until month ago) and she thought my ex was a piece of sh*** and I deserve better. The messages got me really disgusted because my friend was doing a lot more than leading him on. She was sending him selfies and clearly flirting with him and telling him she will blow his mind etc... .

So anyway I just lost a friend, not a good one it appears , so there is not a lot of grief.

I'm disgusted that I actually tried to make it work with my ex for a while, I'm disappointed that I went back into the vicious cycle after halfway getting rid of him by divorcing him. I made everything worse by trying to get him back. My daughter is really attached to him and I'm struggling to have a good relationship with her because she holds a grudge and believes her dad is innocent and I threw him out without reason.

[newlifeBPDfree]

It's one of these days today when I can't believe I got surprised again with my exBPDx husbands actions.

I have been struggling with his harassment for a month now (does the extinction burst last that long?). I don't know why but I had a hunch and I contacted my friend yesterday asking her if she still talks to him. She used to date my exBPDh's best friend and we would go out on double dates and considered her my friend.

At first she was very modest in her answers and I felt she was trying to get information from me first. Then she told me my ex has been texting her constantly and she didn't know whom to believe because he had painted me really black to her, telling her I flipped out, had him arrested, tried to take his daughter away from him etc.

She sent me screen shots of his messages to her in which he was telling her that I had someone hack his phone and I discovered their previous messages. When I asked her what messages he's talking about she said that he always tries to "hang out" with her and that she is always playing into it to see how far he goes and she told me she keeps screen shots of the messages in case I ever want to get back with him. She told me she'd never have anything with him etc.

Anyway, one of his messages to her that she forwarded to me was a suggestion to have mind boggling sex and take selfies and send them to me. I was really disturbed with the fact that he's trying to get laid while simultaneously harasses me by calling me a slut and a whore every singe day because he thinks I had an affair with my divorce attorney. I also thought it was crazy he'd accuse me of hacking into his phone.

Fast forward to last night, I got contacted by someone on Facebook who used to be friends with my exBPDh. She told me that my ex owes her boyfriend money and they got mad and they in fact hacked into his phone and saw messages between my friend and my ex. She sent them to me because she thought we were still together (we were trying to get back together until month ago) and she thought my ex was a piece of sh*** and I deserve better. The messages got me really disgusted because my friend was doing a lot more than leading him on. She was sending him selfies and clearly flirting with him and telling him she will blow his mind etc... .

So anyway I just lost a friend, not a good one it appears , so there is not a lot of grief.

I'm disgusted that I actually tried to make it work with my ex for a while, I'm disappointed that I went back into the vicious cycle after halfway getting rid of him by divorcing him. I made everything worse by trying to get him back. My daughter is really attached to him and I'm struggling to have a good relationship with her because she holds a grudge and believes her dad is innocent and I threw him out without reason.

[LimboFL]

Very hard to be confronted with that kind of information and news. I thank God that I will never find anything out like this about my exBPDgf of 4 years. It is for this very reason that I never snooped. It is for this reason that I asked her to de-friend me on facebook. I could have checked on her, over time I acquired her passwords (doing her little favors on ebay etc) but i didn't need to be kicked in the gut like that and, while I would never subject myself to all of the things she did to me, ever again, I still prefer to keep some illusion that she was somewhat honest and sincere. Ignorance is bliss. For the most part, she was always home, so anything I might have found would have been inappropriate messaging.

However, it sounds like you were still somewhat on the fence, as all of us have been. I am still climbing down from the middle and onto my own side of that fence. It's difficult to do, because no matter what we know now, we loved our partners deeply and had hopes and dreams. We were willing to endure most of it, because we knew that they were hurt themselves, more than we can know, in childhood. We wanted to be the ones who were different, who could endure and we hoped that our positive influence could slowly guide them into a healthy and lasting relationship.

Sometimes, though, the Gods force us to look where we might not look, so that we discover evidence that is so compelling that it forces us to come to a final conclusion that may have taken much longer, if this evidence did not hit us like a ton of bricks. This happen for me. I was ready to get full swing back into a recycle that would have completely distracted me from very important matters in my life, new job, my son returning etc. But I would have. As I have said in previous posts, I love/d her, warts and all but the replacement was still in the picture and she bold face lied to me. The recycle was two days and I bolted when I discovered what I needed to. I wasn't even snooping either.

Point is that, for all of the hurt you are going through (no matter how angry and disgusted you are, it is horribly painful to find evidence.) this was a thank God moment, the moment needed to finally move on and not look back. I suspect that the coming days will be very hard. When that final distant and buried shred of hope that we might have been wrong about them is burned, we come to terms with the fact that there is simply no turning back.

I am deeply sorry about the fact that you have lost a friend too. Humans never fail to shock me with their ability to cheat, lie and immerse themselves in complete and total depravity with the only profit being temporary pleasure. I am by no means a saint and have lived but almost without exception any damage caused was to me and me alone. I have, without being conscious of it, hurt a few in my life by "hurting" (not physically) myself but between your ex and this "friend", who was even more snakish to actually try to play as though she was looking out for your best interest. Chickensh%%! I hope that she feels very dirty right now, because she deserves it.

I am sorry you had to go through this. Stay strong!

[apollotech]

newlife,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I can tell by your writing that you had great hopes in maintaining your family. It is very painful when we try to maintain/build a relationship (family) with someone only to realize that the other person either cannot or will not participate accordingly. I completely understand your sadness and disappointment in those regards, and empathize with you.

Your relationship with your daughter, IMHO, is the one that can and should be nurtured to positive ends. She will always be a person in your life. That relationship has true growth potential. Please take care of her and yourself as you pass through this unfortunate time in your life. We are all here for you.

BTW, you did not lose a friend.

[newlifeBPDfree]

newlife,



BTW, you did not lose a friend.

Thank you, and totally agree, this was not a friend.

I prefer 1 or 2 true friends that I know I can trust than a dozen of pretend friends.

It's still weird because she would always tell me how she didn't like my husband. And then I see text messages where she tells him he's awesome. Anyway, I kind of hope they hook up because she can be a distraction for him and maybe he'll leave me alone for a while.

[newlifeBPDfree]

Point is that, for all of the hurt you are going through (no matter how angry and disgusted you are, it is horribly painful to find evidence.) this was a thank God moment, the moment needed to finally move on and not look back. I suspect that the coming days will be very hard. When that final distant and buried shred of hope that we might have been wrong about them is burned, we come to terms with the fact that there is simply no turning back.

That's exactly it LimboFL. This was truly a sign from God to finally let him go and move on and do what my gut has been telling me for years and leave him far behind. He's been dragging me down to the bottom of his pit of misery. I always would find some goodness in him and take him back but it never lasts. I'm grateful for this information as it will allow me to stop looking back and start moving forward.

[JohnLove]

This was truly a sign from God to finally let him go and move on and do what my gut has been telling me for years and leave him far behind.

Ahh... .the gut instinct. How we ignore it at our own peril. 

[newlifeBPDfree]

So now I'm being accused of paying someone to hack his phone. I can't take these crazy accusations anymore. How are you even dealing with them. I was literally crying my eyes out tonight from helplessness. I have gotten hundreds of hateful messages today. I just want peace in my life. Is there a BPD protection program I can enroll myself in and disappear from his attacks for good?