And suddenly i felt nothing ;)

[ImGoingCrazy]

I know i shouldn't have done this but i entered at his email... .he was writing to his friend ... .he was telling his friend how broken he was from the break up and kinda victimizing... .I also read ... .im giving her a month , if she comes back , if she doesnt i have to think my new future , gosh i hate it i have to start all over... .


I mean... .WOOW! IS it all here? That simple? Himmmm the one crying and begging as a desperate child... .wow i must be very stupid on being depressive over someone like that... .i feel like an object consoling his solitude and thinking of replacing me just like that... .

Ive been told a lot of lies... .there was only this long term rs before me and a few sex... .and now i discovered it was something he had done repeatedly... .such a fck liar... .and he was the one accusing me for lying... .

All that "love"... .ahahaha... .and me the stupid one thinking that i wouldn't be able to date for a very long time... .suffering for this dude i just dont know anymore... .


Was i just a test? I mean its me who left him , he still beggs me on texts... .was i just another prove ?

Another try... .life goes on ... .ill give her a month if she doesnt appear i have to find a replacement... .CONGRATULATION to the worst men i ever had!

This is helping me so much to forget him... .and im not angry because of the "ego" or smth like that im justtttt soo angry because i truly believed in him and thought he was different from that , and that he made me believe all those lies about his emotions and how it meant for him... .



God i feel better !

[raisins3142]

I snooped on my ex's email once and read archived texts to a friend during our 1 break up before the end.

She totally spoke of me like an object.

She missed and wanted the feeling of being loved and with someone.  It could have been anyone.  She never mentioned anything about me specifically at all.  Didn't even use my name, if I remember correctly.

Also, she spoke about how she planned on using me as a booty call later.  I hope she tries it! I'll turn her down cold and let her know what I think about the suggestion.  How romantic and faithful she must see herself as! LOL

Anyways, just wanted to share in regards to being objectified.  I know how it feels.  I'm glad this seemed to help you.

[sun seeker]

Hey all

  I completely understand the want to snoop through emails. Ive thought about it many times. Its just not worth the reopening of wounds for me. Nothing in my dexBPDgf's emails would have a positive effect on me (steps backwards in healing). 100. What I put myself through (2  yr BPD r/s) was enough...

  The good days are more frequent than bad days now. Im staying n/c . I feel better than I have about myself in a long long time. My  repressed  issues my BPD r/s brought to the service , are being worked through one step/day at a time. And not a moment to soon. These days im feeling grateful for this BPD experiance(I never thought id feel this way).

  There is a better quality of life after im living proof.

I

Stay strong and keep posting we can all have a better life in due time... .


 

[downwhim]

wow, the thread of the day is go find someone new to make you feel better it seems. I am just not there yet. Maybe I am slow or not ready... .

[sun seeker]

   

[once removed]

hi, imgoing,

sometimes these revelations give us an insight into the disorder of BPD and its ultimately helpful in detaching. at the same time, its a shock to your system, so be kind to yourself. experiencing depression over your ex doesnt make you pathetic, whatsoever.

please let yourself feel everything. theres a certain numbness that occurs when we see our BPD exes acting in a way we arent familiar with, and frankly, at the time it feels really great. be careful with it. you will experience completely unnecessary shame when/if you crash and it doesnt match what you have begun to internalize.

[mitatsu]

Whilst with my stbudxw i looked at sms and fb messages she was a diff person in them all victim and lies to others and i still married her... 6months later i walked away... and i dont feel bad now for checking that personal stuff as my instinct told me something was wrong but my heart overode the facts... .its helped me detach and move forward very quickly

[Deeno02]

wow, the thread of the day is go find someone new to make you feel better it seems. I am just not there yet. Maybe I am slow or not ready... .

I'm totally not ready. I'm being cased by 3 now who are just as big of train wrecks as my exgf. I'm with you downwhim. Not ready, or for that matter, even interested right now.

[Infared]

WOW... .call me "goodie-2-shoes"... .but I would never snoop through someones email.  Anyones...

I especially would not snoop thru an ex's that discarded me and ran off with new supply.  I already know that there would be nothing there but pain for me.

... .plus... .IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS!   

[Deeno02]

WOW... .call me "goodie-2-shoes"... .but I would never snoop through someones email.  Anyones...

I especially would not snoop thru an ex's that discarded me and ran off with new supply.  I already know that there would be nothing there but pain for me.

... .plus... .IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS!   

Yup... .

[downwhim]

I never checked his phone or email. I suspected many times but I couldn't go there for my own sanity.

[Heldfast]

Mine played my trust. I knew she was texting an ex, but she said, of it's all innocuous, you can read them if you liked. I should have said yes, a week later she'd moved cross country to be with him. Sick, lying, manipulative, deceitful. I hope Seattle is everything she wants.

[raisins3142]

WOW... .call me "goodie-2-shoes"... .but I would never snoop through someones email.  Anyones...

I especially would not snoop thru an ex's that discarded me and ran off with new supply.  I already know that there would be nothing there but pain for me.

... .plus... .IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS!    

It was after our 1st break up.  We were together again, and I suspected bad things and was confused.  My fault because once I knew I could not trust her word, it should've been the end.  But I had this nagging thought of "maybe it is just me and she is okay".

And if I am ever in a position where my gf is acting erratically and my gut says she is cheating, I'll snoop again.

If I were married, and my wife was acting like she was cheating, I would put a GPS tracker on the car even.

Judge that all you want.  If someone is with me and acts weird, then I do what I need to take care of the one life I am given.  Being betrayed by your SO is literally an attempt on destroying your life, perhaps unintentional.

I have a different conception of "none of my business".  If I think you are betraying me but I'm not sure, everything I can get a hold of is my business.  I'll DNA sequence hairs I find in your car.  Because I will not be played.

When people act crazy, yes, you should walk, but I wanted proof for some reason.  Pretty common and why private investigators make a living.

[Infared]

WOW... .call me "goodie-2-shoes"... .but I would never snoop through someones email.  Anyones...

I especially would not snoop thru an ex's that discarded me and ran off with new supply.  I already know that there would be nothing there but pain for me.

... .plus... .IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS!    

It was after our 1st break up.  We were together again, and I suspected bad things and was confused.  My fault because once I knew I could not trust her word, it should've been the end.  But I had this nagging thought of "maybe it is just me and she is okay".

And if I am ever in a position where my gf is acting erratically and my gut says she is cheating, I'll snoop again.

If I were married, and my wife was acting like she was cheating, I would put a GPS tracker on the car even.

Judge that all you want.  If someone is with me and acts weird, then I do what I need to take care of the one life I am given.  Being betrayed by your SO is literally an attempt on destroying your life, perhaps unintentional.

I have a different conception of "none of my business".  If I think you are betraying me but I'm not sure, everything I can get a hold of is my business.  I'll DNA sequence hairs I find in your car.  Because I will not be played.

When people act crazy, yes, you should walk, but I wanted proof for some reason.  Pretty common and why private investigators make a living.

If I am DNA sequencing hairs... .it was time to go a while back, wasn't it?  Why be there?

The trust is completely gone at that point, and for me, with no trust in a relationship there is just nothing there.

[emancipated]

Hey all I saw this and felt the urge to share.

It was beneficial in my estimation that I snooped. A lot of the unanswered questions were answered. How she met my replacement... what she did to the dog we adopted together... Which FYI really fried my u know what but still... .Had to see sexually explicit emails about their activities but perhaps the most satisfying yet unnerving is watching the idealization stage unfold in text with a timeline when you are the unsuspecting party and the lies they were telling you.my ex left me for a man much older and much more secure financially which I felt initially I was the downgrade . and its then I realized the only thing that was really real about our relationship was the love I felt... and the love I had for her kids. She told the new guy her ex"me" had a vasectomy and that's why she wasn't on birth control and just some really sick things and watching him buy into it. I'm not gonna lie I still think about her everyday and I do moss the happier times when I had a battle to fight nowadays I find myself lacking purpose... The kids our family our dreams is what I miss the most. Now my only concern is if I'm gonna hear or see her again and how its gonna go. I didn't have any call and hang ups nothing seemed out of the ordinary other than catching her lies over and over again. I'm getting to where I'm accepting my experiences as a child left me vulnerable to this and Noe trying to figure that out... I don't want to save her... I wish I could save the kids.

[stntylr]

Once after my ex had blocked me for a while on FB for some reason she unblocked me. I took the chance and read her posts from when every went bad. She mentioned me on one post where she referred to me as "some guy".

I made some Fb posts where I used her name and said some pretty bad stuff about her so I can't say much.