Happy Nihilist posted this about male sub-types that I found helpful.
Dr. Theodore Millon identified four different subtypes of Borderline Personality Disorder, which I feel correspond well with Dr. Christine Ann Lawson's four "mother" subtypes.
The main distinction seems to be between
inward-acting and
outward-acting. While pwBPD are individuals and will often show traits of all subtypes, they tend to "favor" one type.
"Inward-Acting"(typically lower functioning)
Discouraged Borderline (
Hermit, fearful) -- avoidant, melancholic, or dependent features. Pliant, submissive, humble; feels vulnerable or in constant jeopardy; feels hopeless, depressed, helpless, and powerless.
They tend to be clingy, go along with the crowd, and walk around feeling somber and dejected. Deep inside, they are often angry and disappointed with others. While their anger can explode outwards, they are much more likely to do harm to themselves by self-mutilating or even suicide.
Discouraged Borderlines operate in Abandoned Child mode, believing themselves unworthy of love and affection, and behaving accordingly.
Self-Destructive Borderline (
Waif, vulnerable)-- melancholic or masochistic features. Inward turning; intropunitively angry; conforming, deferential, and ingratiating behaviors have deteriorated; increasingly high-strung and moody.
The Self-Destructive Borderline is marked by a constant sense of bitterness turned inward. Their levels of self-hatred can often reach monumental proportions, leading them into all types of conscious and unconscious self-destructive behaviors, ranging from poor healthcare and hygiene to reckless driving to performing humiliating sexual acts. They often suffer from depression as a co-occurring diagnosis and are often self-injurers. They "need" someone to save them, but ultimately refuse assistance because helplessness feels safe.
This type operates in an Abandoned Child mode. Since he or she does not feel loved, he or she reacts in self-destructive ways in an attempt to feel something instead of nothing.
"Outward-Acting"(typically higher functioning)
Petulant Borderline (
Queen, controlling) -- negativistic features. Impatient, restless, stubborn, defiant, sullen, pessimistic, resentful; easily slighted and quickly disillusioned.
The Petulant Borderline is torn between relying upon people and at the same time keeping their distance for fear of disappointment. They vacillate between feelings of unworthiness and anger. This anger can be quite explosive.
The Petulant Borderline operates in an Angry Child mode. He or she is angry and will hurt friends and family as a result. He or she often does not recognize the anger -- the world is the problem, not them.
Impulsive Borderline (
Witch, sadistic) -- histrionic or antisocial features. Capricious, superficial, flighty, distractable, seductive; fearing loss, becomes agitated, gloomy, and irritable.
The Impulsive Borderline tends to be flirtatious, captivating, charismatic, and elusive. They are highly energetic thrill-seekers who are easily bored and seem to have it never ending appetite for attention and excitement. They will often act without thinking, and the result is chaos for everyone involved. This type is in constant conflict with society. Bouts of violence are not uncommon. This type may have antisocial personality disorder as a co-occurring diagnosis.
The Impulsive Borderline is operating in Abandoned Child mode (pleas for attention), as well as Angry Child mode. The Angry Child believes that other people deserve to be punished for the borderline's pain, and behaves accordingly.
(info from
Psychology Today,
Healthy Place, and
Theodore Millon)
Abandoned child modes are interesting. I saw that in my ex -- the waif subtype. It's why my T didn't think he was full-blown NPD, more that he was BPD with strong narcissistic traits. It is too painful to consider that they created the conditions for abandonment, so they describe themselves as victims to others. It's one of the things that I fell for, as hard as it is to admit. I thought this wonderful guy had been so badly treated by his ex wives, his ex law partners, his family. Not realizing until I went through it myself just how unstable and destructive N/BPDx could be in his interpersonal relationships.
