reporting her to the government authorities

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex partner is now not replying to lawyers and making the separation process difficult. She is pushing this towards court and saying to everyone else i just wish he would move on.

I understand why she is doing this. What im having trouble with is that she has been breaking the tax laws and claiming government aid for last 10 years while working and owning property and living with me for last 5. She is making really good money . She has used the police against me with lies but i still cant go to the government and tell them of her doings.

Really i should be that angry and make her life hell.

[Warney]

My ex partner is now not replying to lawyers and making the separation process difficult. She is pushing this towards court and saying to everyone else i just wish he would move on.

I understand why she is doing this. What im having trouble with is that she has been breaking the tax laws and claiming government aid for last 10 years while working and owning property and living with me for last 5. She is making really good money . She has used the police against me with lies but i still cant go to the government and tell them of her doings.

Really i should be that angry and make her life hell.

[FracturedReality]

Tread lightly, and keep your cards close to your chest.



If she pushes it, imply passively that she can either drop it and move on, or you can start pushing tax fraud issues to the IRS.



Drop the implication and walk away, let her make her move. It sucks, but when breaking up with a BPD, they make it war, if you try to play a game of civility, you'll get burned badly.


Maintain humanity, but don't be naive about the game they're playing

[Warney]

This is more about why cant i be that angry with her to do it.

I should be an if anyone else did it i would.

[livednlearned]

Is there any risk to you for not disclosing what you know?

Seeking vengeance or feeling spiteful is not an effective way to heal and move on. Maybe on some level you understand this intuitively? Or maybe you have family of origin issues that bear some similarity to this situation. If you had an angry, punitive parent and were punished for expressing anger, it's understandable that you would not want to retaliate against your wife. It would connect emotionally to the fear you felt as a kid for expressing anger. Just speculating here. There is often an emotional logic running deep in each of us, explaining how we process anger and other feelings.

In terms of moving the process forward... .what do you need from her right now in order for the divorce to be final?

[catnap]

We broke up over 3 months ago and she has been at me from the 2nd week. PPO taking car ,smear campaign you name it. So far i have done nothing to retaliate but with lawyers and telling her she is screwed as i have information on her the the ird and government departments would love to see . She is a WG who is BPD and doesn't pay taxes and claims welfare . I wasn't aware of that till 4 months ago and was part of the problem as i am liable for some of the welfare.

So my lawyer this morning sent her lawyer a letter outlining the simple facts about how we need a forensic accountant to go over mine, hers and her mothers and sisters accounts.

Also that i would not be liable for half of benefit fraud as i didn't know and also tax evasion as i again didn't know.

That we would need to get a lawyer in japan to contact her sister to find out why things were happening in these accounts.

That i would be getting statements from friends and school teachers to write statements on the police protection order.

so that confronted her being outed as a prostitute to her family and friends also being losing serious assets and also breaking the law.

Now guess who wants to talk?

Please talk to your attorney before doing anything on your own. Your attorney just recently asked for a forensic accounting.  How long does her attorney have to reply to his request? 

[momtara]

If you signed the tax forms you may have some culpability, fyi.

[Warney]

Her lawyer has stopped responding to mine and basically said lets go to court. my lawyer feels this is a bluff. In reporting her to ird i have no recourse as no papers were ever filed. And as for benifit fraud then i am liable because i lived with her but again i cant recall anything in regards to the benefit.

The games you have to play to move on are quite hard. Im hearing her say i wish he would move on . I know this is her trying to paint me in a bad light .

I fell like throwing her to the authorities and then taking half of whats left as later down the track they may come after it anyway.

warney

[Warney]

Is there any risk to you for not disclosing what you know?

Seeking vengeance or feeling spiteful is not an effective way to heal and move on. Maybe on some level you understand this intuitively? Or maybe you have family of origin issues that bear some similarity to this situation. If you had an angry, punitive parent and were punished for expressing anger, it's understandable that you would not want to retaliate against your wife. It would connect emotionally to the fear you felt as a kid for expressing anger. Just speculating here. There is often an emotional logic running deep in each of us, explaining how we process anger and other feelings.

In terms of moving the process forward... .what do you need from her right now in order for the divorce to be final?

thanks for that, my parents werent angry people and me getting angry just didnt happen. i have thought about this quest and it comes down to i cant betray the one i love, yet they can do it to me .