Sorry munki, it is very painful to both be in a relationship with someone who exhibits borderline traits, and when those relationships end. There's a lot of info on this site that will get rid of some of the confusion, although it still hurts, we understand and are here to answer questions and let you vent if you need to.
why couldn't I have learned about this sooner?
Most of us didn't even know BPD existed when we were in the relationship. It's eye-opening, but adopting the belief that everything happens for a reason that serves us can help. And knowing about it may have made things less confusing and let you cope a little better, but you couldn't have fixed it and you'd still be living in chaos.
Am I so easily forgotten?
You're not forgotten, it's just a defense mechanism practiced by someone who can't deal with his emotions any other way, at least in his head. Compartmentalization, projection, distraction, all things to not focus on you, which would be painful at this point in the borderline cycle, and that has nothing to do with you.
Recognizing my own fear of abandonment that snared me from day one... .the day he walked away from an emotional moment because it was too much for him.
That's good awareness and understanding, it will help you moving forward.
I miss him dearly. That connection we had when he was feeling "normal". The "love" he expressed. His snuggles were the best I've ever experienced. We shared something... .regardless of where it originated from, and now I have to cope with the feeling that it vanished in a blink and left a chasm behind.
Yes. The best thing you can do right now is stay here, post, take very good care of yourself and put one foot in front of the other. It hasn't been long at all, and once you get some distance things will become more clear. Take care of you!
