BPD return?

[emancipated]

I understand no one can really predict this but I had a

Question and wanted to hear advice or just experience

I am nearly 10 months post breakup no recycle attempt

She left for a much older much more financially secure

Man. It hurt but I am recovering sometimes it is a step back

I have seen recently a lot.of people who had broken up

Even after long periods of time get back together like

Nothing happened. The last time we spoke was via text

And she indicated she had looked at my Facebook i must

Admit I had as well and as far as I know she is still with the

Old man she appears to have a new car but she just

Doesn't look happy. I've spoken to people about this and

They all seem to say the same thing . something to the

effect that he will tire of her and that's when I will hear from

Her. Any similar experiences? I can't say I want her back

But I can't help but feel like damn I'm not worth a recycle

Attempt?

[Heldfast]

One never knows, but chances are if she gets dumped or splitting occurs again with him, and you're available, you'll get a call. It's a terrible place to be, I am there myself. Keep using the tools on the side, keep yourself strong and advancing in directions that help you become a better you. And get the resources you need together to help you make the decision of what you want to do if she ever calls (obviously dependent on where you are at that point) and how you'll handle it. Good luck!

[FrenchConnection]

You are worth a recycle attempt.  But the real question is why would you want that anyways with someone like that?  Don't you deserve much much better?

[emancipated]

When u say available what do u mean exactly... I changed my number actually had nothing to do with her... and to answer the other question I'm not sure I want her back but it would be nice to at least not feel like OK got what I needed bye... I'm currently attempting a reconcile with my estranged wife and admittedly I don't think of the BPD one until this one shows her backside... and then it makes me ruminate over the good times... I wonder if my estranged wife has some in diagnosed issues because we have a difficult time communicating and she takes no ownership I've read u can have am affair with a borderline and be married to one which is odd... like I was saying my ex is really an awful person based on what I've found out afterwards but still can't help but wonder

[Heldfast]

No, don't expect closure, just a call saying she needs you

[JRT]

Its a well known story in this forum: they leave, find a replacement (if one wasn't lined up already), something goes south with the replacement (it ALWAYS does as the PD dictates this), they need to attach to SOMEONE (they will find the nearest and most readily available supply), rinse and repeat.

Once can think of a replacement as a 'rebound' relationship is in the non-BPD world: a superficial and short term r/s intended to do nothing more than act like a band aid to an emotional wound. Discarded when deemed appropriate only by the wearer of the bandage.

[emancipated]

He was lined up before I was officially sent to the scrap heap and I'm just curious... there are parts I miss but I don't miss drinking a bottle of pepto bismol a week and best believe the physical toll is real after we broke up had emergency gall bladder removal a month later

[hurting300]

It depends on so much man... .

[Bumpsintheroad]

Emancipated... .

There area multitude of combinations that 'could' happen with the four person dynamic you have described (exgf, exgfso, exwife & you).  I wouldn't dare predict the outcome.  But I will tell you my short story. 

-I was the 'old man' that fell quickly for my exBPDwife, 19 years my younger...   When I met her she had no car of her own, no job, a room at her brothers home, no furniture and 5 children over a thousand miles away being taken care of by her ex husband #3.  Who, by the way, was NOT the biological father of any of her children.     .  Flags

-She had either a sad story OR lie for each question I had, at how someone so sweet, intelligent, well spoken and believable, could have been so unlucky to be in such a dilemma.        .

-I am now 10 months POST DIVORCE and NC from this pitiful woman.

-When I met her I had a very good career, $$ in the bank, grown children on their own, a car, motorcycle and retirement and a promising future.

It took her only 2 1/2 years to spend every dime of my savings, take 2 of MY 3 cars, ALL my savings, half of my retirement and $50,000 cash.  She had affairs with multiple men, lied compulsively, spent compulsively, and hid it all... .compulsively. 

Now, I have $30,000 in unpaid bills, no job or career (due to medical issues), no $$ in the bank, no motorcycle, 1/2 my retirement, one 13 year old automobile and most of all... .

My two tremendous grown children, my dignity, self respect and surviving the marriage with a pwN/BPD.

Think about that before considering a RECYCLE.  Odds are, you're gonna lose! 

I TRULY consider myself the luckiest man on the face of earth.

[emancipated]

Wow bumps... I'm actually in shock with ur story... and I know deep down u are right I am lucky. And I am fortunate I got see to see the beast incarnate before adopting her kids... having kids together etc its funny because I'm consciously aware of everything u have said. And to be candid and I mean this with all sincerity I'm quite confident I couldn't take her back. And even worse I recently within the last couple months have been able to shift the focus from her to what caused me to fall for it and I'll be honest I have a lot of unresolved self worth issues stemming from a toxic relationship with my family where I was constantly devalued and its funny I don't hate the old man he is a command master chief at a base in Florida and I'm.aware he did nothing to.me and I'm.aware of the beat down she's gonna give him will that befitting of a Shakespearian tragedy. Maybe its the stubborn man in me wants to stare her down one more time and see her without the rose.colored glasses I just see people all around me reconciling with lost loves and even though they didn't work it still makes me a Lil jealous that they were even for a fleeting moment the star again. Bumps thank u for sharing with me... I am praying for ur health and well being I'm sure ur someone ur kids are proud to call their dad

[once removed]

And even worse I recently within the last couple months have been able to shift the focus from her to what caused me to fall for it and I'll be honest I have a lot of unresolved self worth issues stemming from a toxic relationship with my family where I was constantly devalued r kids are proud to call their dad

hey emancipation, its a big step to be able to switch from her to you so congratulations. youre the only one you can change, right? i think the vein youve tapped is part of your path to healing. 

[emancipated]

Thank you for ur kind words my friend I still find myself missing her and ruminating at times but yes its been nice to focus on what made this happen. Can't say its helping my relationship with my family but maybe they aren't meant to be in my life and this experience is a catalyst to make sure blood or not I'm around people who add to and not detract from my life. Its funny I miss the sense of a calling or purpose I felt taking care of the kids more so than I miss her

[mitchell16]

I wished mine had left me alone, it would have been so much easier. I never contacted mine for a recycle but i sure was a sucker everytime she did. I consider myself lucky that she only got 3 years of my life. Her ex had her for 14 years plus a child so hes got her for life. It hard to see it atleast it was for me that I was really lucky to escape with as little as I did. i still at times miss her, I still at times long for her but i have to remind myself of how it really was. Our minds have a way of playing tricks on us, as time goes on we forget how bad it really was, we only start remmebering the so called good times. at least that how it was for me. I would make excuses for her behavior, she was stressed, she was worried, I didnt show her enough pateince etc... but still no sane person acts the way mine did.

my life with BPDGF, no extra money, paycheck to paycheck, no plans or hopes for a future, stressed out all the times, not sleeping, eating, doing for myself. never smiled, very rude to people, couldnt make a plan without fearing how bad it was gonna turn out or what was going to happen.

my life without BPDgf, two nice bank accounts, sleep like a baby, very calm, enjoy life. People tell me all the time how Im pleasant to be around, very approachable, Ive started making future plans. Ive booked a vacation that Im not worried whats gonna happen.