New To the forum

[Papillon11]

Hi

I have a 25 year Old daughter with BPD. She has recently come home to live with my husband ( her father) and I .  I would like to learn skills to better understand her and communicate with her. She has mainly lived away from home in the last 10 years. She is currently separated from her violent partner( due to a restraining order placed on him by the police following the latest violent attack) However she does not really want to end the relationship as she still wants to " "rescue and change"him - a guy with a personality disorder and history of crimes, alcohol and drug abuse. I am really scare she will go back as that will further hinder her recovery from BPD.

Please help!

Desperate Mum

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi Papillon11

I am very sorry that your family is dealing with this difficult situation. Your daughter's violent partner only complicates things even more. There is a restraining order in place now against her partner. How do you feel about your own safety now that your daughter is living with you?

BPD can be a very challenging disorder to deal with. Has your daughter been officially diagnosed with BPD? What are your daughter's behaviors that you find most troubling or difficult to deal with?

I am glad you are reaching out for support here. Many of our members know what it's like to have a child with BPD. There are also many resources here that can help you better understand what's going on with your daughter and indeed help you better communicate with her. I suggest you take a look at the lessons and tools to the right of this message board. These tools and lessons can help you as you learn about BPD and how best to proceed with your daughter. The tools for instance include communication techniques such as validation and ways of communicating boundaries.

Take care and I hope you'll find these resources helpful

[livednlearned]

Hi Papillon11,

Warm welcome to the site and all the support here 

One of the best skills to learn in terms of communicating with someone who has BPD is validation. When you have a chance, take a look at some of these conversations other members have had about validation (click the green links below):

• COMMUNICATION: Validation - tools and techniques:



• COMMUNICATION: Validation - stop invalidating others



• The Power of Asking Validating Questions



• BOOK REVIEW: I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better

I've been reading a book about BPD in teens and the author (Blaise Aguirre, MD) says if parents only learn one thing, it needs to be validation.

Let us know if you're able to try this with your D, and how it works with her. Validation can be counter-intuitive, so it helps to work through it if you feel stuck. It was a life-changer for me in my relationship with my son. I can't say enough about it and I hope it helps lessen the conflict in your interactions with your D.

LnL