When will it truly stop?

[AliveButBeatup]

After the *many* cycles that most of us experience being with a BPD partner, I asked my wife to move out of my house.  There was much drama (of course, why wouldn't there be) in that event itself.  I had filed for separation several months before that.  I gave her time to possibly make things work as she was seeing a therapist and on meds.  After she moved out, I proceeded with the divorce. It was finalized the early part of February, this year.

I have been NC since I asked my ex-wife to move out during November of 2014.  I had set-up a filter on my e-mail that in the event she did send an e-mail, it would automatically go to trash.  Over the weekend I looked in my trash folder and there were a handful of messages from her. Same old. Same old. Baby, baby I love you. You are a piece of trash. I am with a new guy.  I drove by your house and it looks like hill billies live there.  You are the only man I have loved this way.

I thought the divorce would be the end of it.  We have no children together. We have no shared financial obligations.  There is no alimony to be paid.  We have zero ties at this point.

When will the nonsense stop?  It is irritating. It is frustrating.  In the back of my mind I worry about my safety. When will the nonsense stop?  Is there something else I should do?

[FracturedReality]

Short answer? It won't.


Long answer? You'll have to work hard to force it to stop, and even then it might not.

[AliveButBeatup]

Thanks for the wonderful words of optimism . My hope is she meets a new guy and that will provide a time sink for her as she introduces her special cocktail of chaos, great sex and instability into his life.

ABB

[Deeno02]

Im pretty lucky. No contact except for one instance(My fault for wishing her happiness) which I'll never do again. Im very thankful we avoid each other. I cant imagine what that must do to you when you see a bunch of texts and/or emails blowing up your phone or computer. Small miracles and bravo to the replacement for keeping her occupied!

[FannyB]

It will end when she stops obsessing or finds an alternative distraction from the paucity of her existence. But it could flip flop back after every broken relationship.   Maybe the next guy will give her a child and become the prime antagonist in her life? 

[AliveButBeatup]

Wishful thinking. She is beyond the child bearing years --- never mind the equipment no longer being in operation for that to happen.  I wonder how things could be set-up so she has a return to flip-flop guy other than myself.

It will end when she stops obsessing or finds an alternative distraction from the paucity of her existence. But it could flip flop back after every broken relationship.   Maybe the next guy will give her a child and become the prime antagonist in her life? 

[once removed]

"Is there something else I should do?"

not really. shes likely expecting a reaction. your lack of reaction brings diminishing returns. maybe you reacted before, and youre not now, so shed be inclined to try harder. plus if theres a new guy, theres probably triangulation, and you are avoiding a role on that triangle 

[sun seeker]

  Hey all

"When will it truly stop"

If you are realy done with your exBPD like I am. I changed my phone number, deleted all common friends on social media( my dexBPDgf has no friends so I deleted her parents friends of mine for 10+yrs)  .  This one was hard but I need to heal. Blocked my dexBPDgf on all social media, and changed my email addy. Only way she could reach me is by coming over to my house(I would never answer the door)) or snail mail(I would never open it).but I know I would really want to . Whats the point though  it WILL only hurt ME. And I avoid anywhere she could possibly be. I drive 20 min north just to go to the beach.   I feel safe  this point. 

  Kinda sad a grown a*s man has to  do this to stay away from exBPD. Gots to do what I gots to do for ME. Wish you all the best of luck with N/C.

 

[Plonko]

It's well worth doing what I did which was to set your email account so that messages from her are deleted permanently rather than just sent to a trash folder.

Opening your trash folder to see what she's sent is only going to make things take even longer. If you never see them at all it's another firmly closed door and every one of those doors that can be closed helps you move on with the next chapter in your life.

[AliveButBeatup]

My account is a gmail account. I thought I had it set-up to be deleted. It goes to trash where it sits for 30 days I believe.  Any ideas on how to have it go into the black hole immediately so it won't be seen in trash?

Changing my phone number. Not an option. It is my business number. I probably have had it for 20+ years. She is blocked. It hasn't ptoven to be a problem.

My nerves become a bit unglued when the doorbell rings. If she does show up at the house, I have trained myself to mentally call the police and have her removed from the property.

ABB