I think my ex girl with suspected BPD is trying to reach out to me indirectly

[DestroyedKnight]

Posted here a few times now and I have come so far since my first post when I was a complete and utter wreck.Now I am into month 7 since my ex split with me (not diagnosed with BPD but pretty damn obvious). I have pretty much gone into hiding over the last month and even though she said and did some pretty evil things and she was the one who wanted to end things after 9 years and told me how I was controlling and how she is so happy since she left me she is constantly posting quotes and love songs which suggest the total opposite.Songs which say how broken she is,how she is sorry,she never meant to hurt me etc etc.Last night she posted a quote by Jonathan Safran Foer which goes 'There were things I wanted to tell him,but I knew they would hurt him so I kept them buried and let them hurt me' now this morning another quote 'I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had,but I can't because I know you won't come after me and that is what hurts the most'.

Yesterday she messaged me phone asking me why I had rang her? I have not messaged or called her in months now .This behavior has started much more since I began to see an old flame and things have been going very well between us both and I can see my exes attempts as what they are which are nothing more than feeble childish attempts to get a reaction from me to see if I am still hooked.The way I see it is if she truly did love me,then firstly she would never have left me so callously like she did and treat me with utter contempt without showing any remorse other than saying "I could have done things differently I agree" and secondly not resort to posting quotes and love songs to try and get my attention which I am now not rising to.

And the funny thing is I am replying to absolutely nothing from her at all now so the nicey nicey quotes are then followed up with ones like "I would love to punch you in the face with a staple gun" and "short story you're a dick head".

Long and short of it is I do love my ex but I know if I ever went back and she does not admit she needs help I am in for an absolute world of hurt yet again and I couldn't handle any more of that

[mitatsu]

She is doing what my Ex did... .she see's you moving on and being happy and wants her property back... .your a toy/belonging to them to pick up when they cant have you and throw away when they are bored of you 

[DestroyedKnight]

Mitatsu can I ask you what your ex did? post love quotes,songs etc? Did you ever get emails expressing her missing you etc or anything direct?.I just took a walk out to collect some clothes I had been given for a friend and I was walking quite happily down the road and my ex and the children are walking down her street,I tried to make out I did not see them because I could physically feel myself start shaking but I could hear my son shouting me even though I had my headphones in.I went over to speak with him and she stood there in silence.

Anyway I get home and she has now posted on her fb wall 'Amazing how one thing can turn your happy mood into one where you would quite happily get sent down for murder' and updated her whatsapp with Strong walls shake but never collapse.What the hell is all this about?

[mitatsu]

Mitatsu can I ask you what your ex did? post love quotes,songs etc? Did you ever get emails expressing her missing you etc or anything direct?.I just took a walk out to collect some clothes I had been given for a friend and I was walking quite happily down the road and my ex and the children are walking down her street,I tried to make out I did not see them because I could physically feel myself start shaking but I could hear my son shouting me even though I had my headphones in.I went over to speak with him and she stood there in silence.

Anyway I get home and she has now posted on her fb wall 'Amazing how one thing can turn your happy mood into one where you would quite happily get sent down for murder' and updated her whatsapp with Strong walls shake but never collapse.What the hell is all this about?

Hi there sorry i seem to of 'triggered' myself but...

in the last break up she would pm songs via FB (Queen,Love of my life) she would send texts asking how i was or send messages through mutual friends who would pass them on in all innocence (none of us new about Bpd back then) it was quite subtle but i went back and even married her only for it to turn worse than ever until i walked out after 5 months... .be careful friend they are cruel... it may be a learned pattern to them but to us it's hell

[DestroyedKnight]

Sorry you were triggered Mitatsu.Believe me I understand only too well how vindictive,manipulative,callous and evil people with BPD can be from watching my ex over the last 6 months.I told her I was close to taking my own life and all she could say was "well maybe you should carry on taking anti depressants" and even had the cheek to call me the crazy one for taking them even though she has taken various courses of anti depressants over the 9 years we were together,having many bizarre episodes which I helped her through.

The only way I would ever go back with her now is if she reached out and admitted she needed help but she is so far in denial it is unreal.Doesn't help when she has her very limited few sycophants aiding in her behavior on facebook.Some really weird stuff being aimed at me indirectly which is then removed hours later after being posted . In the past when I questioned it no doubt I was the pyscho for thinking it was about me and she in fact has a life and doesn't talk to anybody about me so I gave up on that a long time ago :D

[mitatsu]

it's cool and thank you 

Just a bit of a phase today needed to clear it out had the rant/anger 4 weeks ago so now the sorrow/hurt bit

[DestroyedKnight]

I went through the sorrow hurt bit from the moment she booted me out of my own home and was in that state for a few months.Now I am in the "wow she is a total nut job" phase and I am so good being away from that.Only now I have had time to sit back and take stock of the whole relationship I can see the red flags which were glaring from day one and the total crazy behavior since our split,even speaking to me sometimes with a child like voice which was creepy.

I don't even care anymore if she gets with a new guy,I will quite happily shake his hand and wish him all the luck in the world because by god he is going to need it

[mitatsu]

i know the booted out thing very well... .i've moved 6 times in 4 years 

and i'm accepting of her condition and i do 'pity' her wouldnt ever want to go back she has destroyed too much in the last year inc 2 marriages (she slept with a married man on our last break up though that was my fault ahem!)

[DestroyedKnight]

Wow 6 times in 4 years!   And during any of that time has she not been to see a therapist or have you gone back to her under the premise that things would get better and she would change?.

I love how they project everything on to us and blame us for all they're misdemeanors . My ex said I was controlling.When I told my friend what she had said he laughed and said "you were controlling? haha.She asked you for a cat,you got 2 cats,she wanted a dog,you got a dog,mp3 players,mobile phones,ipods,computer consoles and whatever else she wanted" so she was the controlling one.And now I think about it she used to stand behind me while I was on fb saying hello to a woman friend and she would flare up and accuse me of fancying them and tell me to remove them straight away .

I have got used to not listening to the accusations and the blame now because I know it's projection and she is sick even if other people can't or refuse to see it the way I do

[mitatsu]

.Doesn't help when she has her very limited few sycophants aiding in her behavior on facebook.Some really weird stuff being aimed at me indirectly which is then removed hours later after being posted . In the past when I questioned it no doubt I was the pyscho for thinking it was about me and she in fact has a life and doesn't talk to anybody about me so I gave up on that a long time ago :D

That is so like my ex too ! Facebook is a weapon to her, a accepting audience of orbiters who never see her dark side i have so many texts and pm's i could unleash onto FB but whats the point she has to live in her own personal hell and i will get better and heal  

[mitatsu]

Wow 6 times in 4 years!   And during any of that time has she not been to see a therapist or have you gone back to her under the premise that things would get better and she would change?.

I love how they project everything on to us and blame us for all they're misdemeanors . My ex said I was controlling.When I told my friend what she had said he laughed and said "you were controlling? haha.She asked you for a cat,you got 2 cats,she wanted a dog,you got a dog,mp3 players,mobile phones,ipods,computer consoles and whatever else she wanted" so she was the controlling one.And now I think about it she used to stand behind me while I was on fb saying hello to a woman friend and she would flare up and accuse me of fancying them and tell me to remove them straight away .

I have got used to not listening to the accusations and the blame now because I know it's projection and she is sick even if other people can't or refuse to see it the way I do

i never knew of Bpd until late last year and had my eureka moment but still didnt study it enough to know what was still to come... .she is under a T but having CBT as she lied to her mental health doc re her problems but i thought at the time that might help as again i didnt know of DBT and as to me having any female friends etc oh my days she went nuts... .but she had lots of male 'friends' it took a TETRIS moment for it all to fall into place and by then she had threatened to cut us both into 'meat sculptures' so my exit ticket was booked and i ran ASAP

[DestroyedKnight]

I have no idea what made me look up BPD but when I did I was just gobsmacked.I bought the stop walking on egg shells book and I have read it cover to cover upside down back to front a few times now . I read it and my jaw just hit the floor and everything I had just been through was there in black and white but armed with that knowledge has done me no good because it's not like I can start running around showing her,her family or friends I am right that I said she has BPD because they'll think I am a fruit loop 

In this last hour she has gone back to playing one of her favorite games,I call it the lets hide my whatsapp profile pic,online status and status updates in the hope he says something game .It's so incredibly sad that all she has to do is tell me she loves me,needs help and I would support her through thick and thin like I did for 9 years but she won't

[mitatsu]

after 4 years of this 'game' i cannot do it anymore even if she got help after what i have read it would be too much for me but as much as i 'hate' her i wish her well my trust in her is shattered along with the friends who helped me run who she turned on too (they were old friends of hers before i came along) i think for my ex at 43yrs and knowing all she has been through it's too deep in her core

some paths you have to walk... .some paths you have to build yourself... .and some paths need tearing up and grassing over so no one gets lost on them... .

oh and thank you i feel alot better now the tears have stopped 

[Heldfast]

Mitatsu, I am quoting that!

[mitatsu]

 

Mitatsu, I am quoting that!

 your more than welcome to,It's strange out of some of my darkest moments come my best quotes 

[DestroyedKnight]

Mitatsu, I am quoting that!

 your more than welcome to,It's strange out of some of my darkest moments come my best quotes 

You'll have to get together with my ex Mitatsu,she spends all her days posting quotes she finds off the internet all over facebook.seems that is the only way she communicates  . Actually scrap that you really don't wanna be going there 

[mitatsu]

Mitatsu, I am quoting that!

 your more than welcome to,It's strange out of some of my darkest moments come my best quotes  

You'll have to get together with my ex Mitatsu,she spends all her days posting quotes she finds off the internet all over facebook.seems that is the only way she communicates  . Actually scrap that you really don't wanna be going there  

 my ex was the mistress of the facebook meme   'i'm as strong person... .joy and sunshine blah blah blah' shame she was a emotional abuser who has caused massive problems for most around her

[wanttoknowmore]

Reaching out in subtle and indirect manner may be due to -

(1) Fear of rejection... .so they test the water first and if they feel there is no danger of rejection... they might risk direct contact.

(2) To know how  you are doing ... .are you still available and do you still care about them ?

[Heldfast]

Mine also uses nothing but quotes of others as her communications on Twitter, again, all about what a strong independent woman she is living life on her terms, which is patently false. Never uses her own words, even though she is an aspiring author. Two of her friends even said the other day that they're starting to get pissed off at all her fakebook bs posts about how she is winning at life (with my replacement, who her family refers to as "the troll"

[DestroyedKnight]

Reaching out in subtle and indirect manner may be due to -

(1) Fear of rejection... .so they test the water first and if they feel there is no danger of rejection... they might risk direct contact.

(2) To know how  you are doing ... .are you still available and do you still care about them ?

Yeah I was wondering about this myself.Is she trying to reach out to me for real? or do I tell her I will always love her and then get the middle finger right back at me? .

The last few weeks she has posted memes and quotes galore and love songs saying she is sorry and how she would take me back if I forgave her etc etc and I was on a coach one night going to see my old flame and I logged in at half past 1 in the morning on whatsapp and low and behold my ex was online.Now I know she knew I was going away and as soon as I logged in she posts a status saying "another nervous weekend" and "I miss you". I put it down to it being somebody else she was directing it at.It is a very immature way to speak to somebody and until she does I won't fall into a trap again