Spouse with BPD and separated

[plawtx]

I have been married for 18yrs after his father passed away he viewed me as a controlling B*&%#$ said his dad lived a miserable life and he wasn't going to die that way, moved out for 7 months.  We got back together, then he has a nervous breakdown that same year. I had a cancer scare and he has spent that past 2 1/2 years progressively getting worse verbally abusing me, threatening to divorce / leave, changing direct deposit, leaving for hours w/o an explanation.  The past 6 months have pushed me to the point of telling him to leave.  He has since moved out about a month ago and he keeps stating it was his idea.  Truth be told it was me! I couldn't handle it the man he turned into this wasn't the man I married.  I do not know how to deal with the separation because he still calls, tells me he loves me, and is behaving like the man I married.  I know this won't last he will explode and come at me again.  I need to know some techniques people use to deal with emotionally separating, and avoiding the toxic behavior away from me and our children.

[Thread]

If you have time you should read some of my posts from a few weeks and or months ago.

I separated and went back. Same deal, he finally took credit for his part of the failed marriage. He apologized daily, finally got into therapy, was being communicative and kind.

He also called me, well no, screamed while speeding on the freeway "YOU STUPID CRAZY B*T*H!"

I took him back knowing he could have a disorder, but not knowing to the full extent about borderline.  After moving back it only took 90 days for him to start back into the BPD behaviors. The condition was he remain in therapy. Well there were 101 different reasons he didn't. I had to then bring up divorce and 6 months later he finally is going to therapy.  Long story short, I wish i would have educated myself of BPD and not fallen for the words and grand acts he was giving me.

Get into therapy, make sure they are familiar with BPD, rebuild yourself, your needs your self-esteem which if its like mine has been knocked down and torn apart then shredded into pieces. I am thankful we do not have children.  But I feel like since kids are involved and you may be battling some harder issues a good therapist will do wonders. Talking about it and reading other peoples testimonies have been very insightful and helpful as well. Definitely makes you feel less crazyville.

I do feel your pain and am sorry you are going through this.

[OnceConfused]

try to do some verbal JUDO techniques:

When he calls you , while on the phone you focus on a point or a object , say a leaf in your house plant. This way your mind will not be responding to his whatever comments. In the mean time , keep saying , Uh Uh Uh Uh. this way you will not let your inner peace be disturbed by his strategy.

He will feel like talking to a wall and soon enough stop talking. I think the more you say things or respond to BPD the more you gave them the hooks for more rages.

[Thread]

Can you further explain JUDO techniques?