lured into romantic relationship...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I went on a Match date, biking in the park with my ex girlfriend... .  she said she had recntly separated from her husband of eight years, and filed papers in court as a first step to getting divorced... .  I fell in love quickly... .  she was the bes thing that ever happened to me... .  then I find out she had not filed papers,  yet we continued the affair for two years.   she told me that her husband was not living with her.  lies.  now Ive been dropped on my head.  I know I'm better off without her -- liar, cheat, etc., but I still miss her and would take her back in a sec.  Real agony!

[3timeloser]

I went on a Match date, biking in the park with my ex girlfriend... .  she said she had recntly separated from her husband of eight years, and filed papers in court as a first step to getting divorced... .  I fell in love quickly... .  she was the bes thing that ever happened to me... .  then I find out she had not filed papers,  yet we continued the affair for two years.   she told me that her husband was not living with her.  lies.  now Ive been dropped on my head.  I know I'm better off without her -- liar, cheat, etc., but I still miss her and would take her back in a sec.  Real agony!

[EaglesJuju]

Hi 3timeloser, 



I am sorry that you are going through this. It can be really agonizing fluctuating between feelings.  I understand how you could feel hurt and betrayed. The end of a relationship can be very difficult to cope with. 

Sharing your story really helps working through conflicting feelings.  Perhaps you can share more of your story so we can help you better?

[shatterd]

i dont think she knows what she wants   shes not happy  looking for life out there so to speek  ive ben there man  i dont know the hole story however the nutshell  is prtty self explanitory      what i did was kept her around as a freind somewhat distant   (wasnt so involved so i woodnt get hurt if she decided to be loyal to her hubby)  i continued on with my own life as normal work and wutever i was doing  i let her come to me wen it was time   wen she did i set boundries for myself and the relationship that soon followed   knowing the sittuation ur getting into is a big advantage  if shes struggling now to let him go  u have to becarefull   set them boundries and be strong and true  if they get crossed thats it  be done  let her know that    its hard hang in there man  mayb ull find someone who is ready for a relationship instead of someone trying to leave one 

[vortex of confusion]

 

I would like to join EaglesJuju in welcoming you to the forums.

What you are feeling is pretty normal. I had a "friend" that I was talking to all of the time online. My husband and I were trying out an open relationship. The other guy said that he and his wife were doing the same. It was this really compelling story. One of the things that I tried really hard to do was NOT be a cheater. I didn't want to do anything with somebody that was married and was keeping things from a spouse. This guy told me all kinds of BS and I gut sucked in deep.

I recently found out some information about him that confirmed some suspicions that I had. I went no contact and haven't spoken to him again. I have no intentions of ever talking to that lying, cheating, craphead ever again. But, that doesn't mean that I don't miss him. I miss the person that I thought he was. I miss the person that he represented himself to be. If he was truly the person that I thought he was or wanted him to be, I would still be talking to him today. The truth is that he isn't who I thought he was. He isn't what I wanted him to be. Now, I am grieving that relationship and wondering how in the world I could have been so stupid to fall for his line of crap.

Sending you some hugs!