She is lying to clean me out in court

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I run away from my own home because of the physical abuse, and constant mental abuse.  I'm educated guy, with a good head on my shoulders, and I could never have imagined to be an abuse victim.   Now she is trying to hurt me legally.

I've filed for divorce, and my soon to be ex-spouse is hiding all her assets in a different country, and she is lying in court claiming absolutely no income.  She and I maintained separate house holds during the short term marriage, and she paid for her rent through her foreign income and I paid for my own.  But now that we are separated  she is saying she has no foreign income.

But what really gets me is that she is claiming that I should pay for her lawyers fees--- as she claims she has no income.  This adds salt to the injury... . she is lying, and I get to pay for her to defend her lies.

She has also refused to do file taxes jointly, even though we filed together jointly, we'd both be getting a refund... . now I'm left to file taxes as married but separately, and i owe tens of thousands of dollars.    She is doing to this to hurt me.

I'm faced with endless battles in court to get my divorce, and it seems I have to pay for both my lawyer and her lawyer.  My lawyer is getting tired of all the lies and legal procedural maneuvers. He may want to move on to a simpler clients--- I don't blame him... . I also want to just move on.

Has anyone dealt with this situation?     any solutions or suggestions?

[jack493]

I run away from my own home because of the physical abuse, and constant mental abuse.  I'm educated guy, with a good head on my shoulders, and I could never have imagined to be an abuse victim.   Now she is trying to hurt me legally.

I've filed for divorce, and my soon to be ex-spouse is hiding all her assets in a different country, and she is lying in court claiming absolutely no income.  She and I maintained separate house holds during the short term marriage, and she paid for her rent through her foreign income and I paid for my own.  But now that we are separated  she is saying she has no foreign income.

But what really gets me is that she is claiming that I should pay for her lawyers fees--- as she claims she has no income.  This adds salt to the injury... . she is lying, and I get to pay for her to defend her lies.

She has also refused to do file taxes jointly, even though we filed together jointly, we'd both be getting a refund... . now I'm left to file taxes as married but separately, and i owe tens of thousands of dollars.    She is doing to this to hurt me.

I'm faced with endless battles in court to get my divorce, and it seems I have to pay for both my lawyer and her lawyer.  My lawyer is getting tired of all the lies and legal procedural maneuvers. He may want to move on to a simpler clients--- I don't blame him... . I also want to just move on.

Has anyone dealt with this situation?     any solutions or suggestions?

[ForeverDad]

While I suspect no one will compel her to be reasonable and file jointly, her lawyer may convince her that it is in her best interests to do so.  Has she filed jointly with you before?  Then common sense would say to continue.  That may be weak leverage.  All she has to do is keep stonewalling and you'll be stuck with consequences.

Sadly, court is often about negotiating despite reality.  Maybe you can strike a deal for joint filing and you'll pay a portion of fees?  (Keep it away from percentages in case she and her lawyer rack up huge fees.

I had to file for a 6 month extension since ex didn't provide her information though ours was a 15 year marriage and we had always filed jointly.  About a week before the October deadline we had a hearing and her lawyer seemed surprised to hear it, said it made sense, talked with her and came back saying she would do it if she got half the refund.  Yes, the refund was all my excess withholding but she got half.

Sadly, divorce is seldom fair and some of the court's processes are somewhat fair but it does not try to ensure fairness.

Most important, what is there to fight over if it was a short term marriage?  When you say short term, how short was it before you separated?  You're already separated, most courts would not see much in the way of marital assets to split.  Besides legal fees, is she asking for spousal support during the case?  That might be a reason why she would want to drag it out as long as possible.

[GaGrl]

What evidence do you have regarding the separate household she maintained? Could that show she has separate foreign assets?

[Panda39]

What evidence do you have regarding the separate household she maintained? Could that show she has separate foreign assets?

Can you subpoena her rental records from her landlord?  I would imagine there are cancelled checks or other documentation of income no one will rent to her without her providing proof that she can pay.

[livednlearned]

You can also hire a forensic accountant to piece things together if it is worth it.

Honestly, a lawyer who is tired of lying and legal shenanigans... .you might want to get another lawyer. This kinda goes with the territory, and it could be a long haul, more of the same. You don't want a tired lawyer representing you against a determined mentally ill person.

Do you have any leverage at all? Even if it does not affect your financial outcome, you may need to rattle some chains so that she does not feel it's a free-for-all. Did you file any police reports? Are there any DUIs? Anything else to undermine her credibility?

Another option is to have her deposed. This is a tactic that solicits a sworn testimony from her. Then your L cross-examines her in court. If she perjures herself, in some states the consequence is jail time, although family courts don't tend to go that far unless it is extreme.

People with BPD do not handle depositions well at all. My ex did not prepare at all for his, and then talked himself into all kinds of boxes by contradicting himself.

[ForeverDad]

I don't know how short your short marriage was, but if you didn't father any children with her then unwinding the relationship is limited to (1) marital assets, (2) marital debts, (3) potential spousal support during the divorce process and (4) legal fees.  Maybe too she's demanding extra money just because she feels like demanding it, that's how high the sense of entitlement can be.

One tactic to take is to keep the court process moving along, object to any requests for continuances.  If her lawyer asks for information, then you ask for what information you need too and then exchange it, if you hand off your information without getting hers at the same time then you lose that leverage.  If her lawyer wants the case put on hold while they consider an offer or claim they'll make one, tell them, "Sorry, the case continues, nothing is happening outside of court so we'll have to go before the judge to get and keep things moving.  Short marriage, no children from the marriage, very simple."

If you live in a community property state, then the marital assets and debts issue may be more complicated.

If you current lawyer is not up to the challenge, then interview some experienced ones who can be no-nonsense, assertive and yet problem-solving.  Your lawyer needs to be one who can be prepared to go to Trial if there is no settlement.  Trial is usually something a disordered spouse will avoid but only at the last minute.  That was my experience, when I walked into court on Trial Day I was greeted with the news my ex wanted to settle.  Two years of obstruction during the divorce process (we had a child which complicated everything) and in a couple hours we settled.  Talk about "on the court house steps", it really does happen!

Frankly, it sounds like you'll end up with paying for more than your fair share.  It's not 'fair' but that's how a high conflict divorce can become.  So you may have to sit down and strategize where you want to take any financial hits and how to keep them to a bare minimum and not keep getting sabotaged and bleed more and more money as new issues and claims keep popping up.  (That's why any deal has to Include Everything.  Once you agree to terms, ex will surely want to append even more strings to it, so much that at some point you may conclude you'll get a better deal from the judge's order rather than from her and her lawyer.  And that's why we say to keep the case moving as quickly as possible, the closer you get to a judge making the decisions the better your Leverage and likely Outcome.)  However, always remember the long term perspective, Freedom Is Priceless.