ugh... 40th birthday disappointment, feeling crappy

[Scarlet Phoenix]

So it was recently my 40th birthday. The actual day I celebrated with girlfriends who came to visit. MY dBPDh gave me a lovely necklace which I appreciate. He also said that we would go out to a restaurant just him and me to celebrate. It didn t come up again... .A week later I suggestes that we invite his family to celebrate (fyi: mine lives in another country). We did, he got mad for some imagined insult and didn t speak to me the whole dinner nor the next day.

In addition a couple of weeks before my birthday I had sat two huge exams that I had worked very hard for. He invited me to dinner by the sea to celebrate that I had done it, although I didn t have the result yet. When the waitress had taken the orders and left the table he announced that he wanted a divorce... .

I told him just now that it would be nice to go out to dinner for a late birthdaycelebration and he flat out said it s not his thing.

I know,  I know, radical acceptance. Sometimes it feels like crap though. I could worknon me, why I need him to acknowledge and celebrate my special moments. I m trying hard to handle my disappointment in private and feel it and own it. Telling him leads nowhere and at the moment I m focusing on creating a calm environment. But ugh though 

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[vortex of confusion]

Happy Birthday!

It is a struggle to want to celebrate with them only to have them check out or not follow through.

I don't have any suggestions. Wanted to offer some words of support.   

[Cat Familiar]

I'm so sorry he crapped on your birthday and your exam completion celebration.    They seem to really understand and exploit our vulnerabilities when they want to have an effect.

[MaroonLiquid]

Sorry to hear about your birthday.  Happy birthday from us though  .  Celebrations with our SO's wBPD seem to suck a lot of the time.  My wife checked out on mine two months ago also when she said she wanted to do something for it to clebrate.  She found a reason to dysregulate a day or two ahead of time and therefore the celebration obviously never happened.  Now, with our anniversary this Friday, I am fully prepared to spend it without her.  I brought it up as to not be an "elephant in the room", offer an alternative considering the circumstance and therefore did only what I can do.  if she doesn't, I will spend it with people who want to be around me.  That sounds like I'm upset, but I'm not, it is just my reality.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Thank you all, you're so sweet!

It's nice to have a place to go to in moments of frustration.

[maxsterling]

Yeah - I want to wish you a happy 40th, too!   

Truth is - you can't depend on pwBPD to celebrate anything about you.  Actually, not wise to have *any* kind of expectation from a pwBPD because that is only setting yourself up for disappointment.

My feeling is in order to be in a r/s long term with a pwBPD, it takes patience, the ability to have no expectations, and a strong ability to meet your own emotional needs.  And even the strongest of us get fed up at times.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Thak you Maxsterling!

PS

I'm not writing much here at the moment, but I read regularly. And I always read your name as Maxster-ling, though I suppose it's Max Sterling