A sense of humour

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all,

I am interested in knowing whether the people in your life with BPD had/have a sense of humour. 

My uBPD mother - practically none.  My BPDex, definitely - and I think he could laugh at himself somewhat.  My NPD ex, again, practically none.  It's like it he felt that he was too generous if he laughed at jokes, or at himself (NEVER could laugh at himself).

Any thoughts on this?

I wonder if those who do have a sense of humour are more likely to heal, whereas those who don't are more stuck. I once met someone who told me that for any relationship, the most important is perhaps the ability to laugh together.  I think I agree on this. 

[caughtnreleased]

Hi all,

I am interested in knowing whether the people in your life with BPD had/have a sense of humour. 

My uBPD mother - practically none.  My BPDex, definitely - and I think he could laugh at himself somewhat.  My NPD ex, again, practically none.  It's like it he felt that he was too generous if he laughed at jokes, or at himself (NEVER could laugh at himself).

Any thoughts on this?

I wonder if those who do have a sense of humour are more likely to heal, whereas those who don't are more stuck. I once met someone who told me that for any relationship, the most important is perhaps the ability to laugh together.  I think I agree on this. 

[Mutt]

Hi caughtnreleased,

My ex had little sense of humour at least when it came to me.

The kids always liked my humour

Although she did enjoy humour, comedies, stand-up comics

I once met someone who told me that for any relationship, the most important is perhaps the ability to laugh together.  I think I agree on this.  

I certainly think it helps to laugh together

I also like this Irish proverb when I feel especially stressed.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

I find it helps lift the spirits

[dobie]

No hardly any she never made me laugh once in six years we laughed together sometimes and occasionally she would laugh at a movie it was rare when she laughed it made me feel uncomfortable

[valet]

My ex thought that I was hilarious when we first met, but that slowly turned into me being devoid of any silliness or sense of humor because I felt like I was walking on eggshells nearly every second that I spent with her.

But that's the way she goes, to quote trailer park boys.

[FannyB]

Mine laughed a lot during idealization - I was a laugh a minute for her. During the other phases of the BPD cycle she had a sort of glazed look and rarely laughed at my humour - though I continually had her teenage son in stitches.   

[cosmonaut]

My ex had a great sense of humor and she had the sweetest, most lighthearted laugh.  Almost a girlish giggle.  It actually was very child like in it's joy and innocence.  In so many ways she is a child, both good and bad.

[StarOfTheSea]

My exBPDbf had a quirky sense of humor like mine. I remember him making me laugh so hard that I couldn't breathe. (Ah, good times.) I've never had a man make me laugh so hard... . or make me feel so desperately sad.

[Blimblam]

The girls I've known with BPD tended to have a sort of dark perverted sense of humour. The guys I knew with it had a pretty sadistic also perverted sense of humor.  The sadism was often very understated and was veiled but when you see it you know it's there.

[caughtnreleased]

hmm. Interesting.  My exNPD had a very dark sense of humour - almost like he liked to know others were miserable.  I once tried to make a light hearted joke about two of our friends who had just broken up because I was actually very sad about them breaking up and was trying to be less sad, but he took a huge, enormous hissy fit.  He never saw how sad I was about their breakup - I think he was just paranoid that I was then going to break up with him too... . Narcissists I think have a very poor sense of humour. 

[ReclaimingMyLife]

My UxBPDbf absolutely kept me laughing.  I can say for a fact the relationship wouldn't have lasted without the laughter (and orgasms, of course, the perfect combo in my book).  His humor was one of the things that attracted me most. 

That said, he would make jokes about me which I found genuinely funny.  I come from a very teasing family and so his teasing made me feel loved.  I teased him back and he laughed.  But I wonder, here in this moment, if his internal reaction to my teasing was different.  I wonder if his feelings were hurt more than he let on.  I would hate to think that I unintentionally hurt him this way.

Good question!