My Birthday today and guess what...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Yep 6 weeks no contact of 8 weeks spilt and after being told of FB barbed messages at me etc i get a card from my 'wife' soon to be Ex

Very personal picture on front of a shared interest and the text inside was 'i know we cannot be together but i think of you everyday and still love you hope life is treating you well have a wonderful day always yours'

had a wobble but held it together... .i take it it was a thing to throw me off course?

[mitatsu]

Yep 6 weeks no contact of 8 weeks spilt and after being told of FB barbed messages at me etc i get a card from my 'wife' soon to be Ex

Very personal picture on front of a shared interest and the text inside was 'i know we cannot be together but i think of you everyday and still love you hope life is treating you well have a wonderful day always yours'

had a wobble but held it together... .i take it it was a thing to throw me off course?

[DyingLove]

Yep 6 weeks no contact of 8 weeks spilt and after being told of FB barbed messages at me etc i get a card from my 'wife' soon to be Ex

Very personal picture on front of a shared interest and the text inside was 'i know we cannot be together but i think of you everyday and still love you hope life is treating you well have a wonderful day always yours'

had a wobble but held it together... .i take it it was a thing to throw me off course?

You're getting tested.  Stay strong my friend.

[Sunfl0wer]

Happy birthday mitatsu!

You're strong!

[dobie]

Happy birthday mate stay frosty 

[zundertowz]

Happy birthday... .burn the card!

[DyingLove]

Damn... .how did I forget to include:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MITATSU!   

[LimboFL]

Horribly difficult, Mitatsu. Big hug amigo, I can only imagine what receiving that card has done to your resolve. I don't believe any advice is appropriate as only you can decide how to react. Truly unfair! Stay strong.

[Beach_Babe]

I think you can simply view it as a nice gesture and leave it at that.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Happy Birthday, Mitatsu!  Glad you are celebrating your bday here with us and with 6 weeks NC under your belt.  What a great gift to give yourself this birthday!    

No way to for sure know her intention(s) with the bday card.  Which leaves us/you to to make up what we think is in her head. I would go with the interpretation that helps you and moves you in the direction you most want to go.  

Is it more helpful to see it through the lens of "a thing to throw me off course?"  Certainly seems possible.  You know her.  I don't.  Or is it more helpful to see it as simply a birthday card with warm wishes?  That seems possible too.  Or maybe it is some of both.  That definitely seems possible!

I guess, ultimately what she intended doesn't really matter.  What is important is what YOU choose to do or not do with it (let her throw you off course or not).  

Hang in there and hope you have a great day!  

[valet]

Happy Birthday!

That seems quite confusing, and probably feels pretty good assuming that you do not want her back. More power to you.

Very personal picture on front of a shared interest and the text inside was 'i know we cannot be together but i think of you everyday and still love you hope life is treating you well have a wonderful day always yours'

had a wobble but held it together... .i take it it was a thing to throw me off course?

I don't think that she's trying to play games consciously, this is just a minor version of the extreme push/pull that you've already undoubtedly experienced. It doesn't matter if you respond or not, as long as you see this. Honestly, I'd respond cordially if I saw her in person or something, but a card is a just card. It means nothing, except that she's thinking of you on your birthday (which is common behavior amongst friends!). Unless you are the type of person that sends thank you's to everyone that sends you something then just forget about it.

[LimboFL]

Mitatsu, here is my take on this. One of the hardest parts of the journey we are on is the wonder if we meant anything, if they still think of us and that love is still there. I tend to disagree with a number of people because why would she send you a card that clearly meant something to you both, a shared past time and an "I still love you". Sorry, this wasn't a friendly card.

I mean one minute she is railing against you on facebook and the next sending you a very personalized card? Was it meant maliciously, I don't think so. Again, despite all the pain and anger we experience, there is a part of us that wants to know that we weren't just a flash in the pan. This proves that your ex does still care and think of you.

This does not mean that you should or even would take it any further than quite simply thanking her. I don't fully agree, again, with everyone concerning how to react to such contact. If you are not going to be affected if the conversation doesn't move any further then thank her. It shouldn't be an overly emotional thanks but also not a cold one either. We have to somehow rise above. If you have no intention of re-engaging, then why not respond?

If she tries to continue the conversation after that, then you don't respond. At least you come away having done the right thing, by showing appreciation for her remembering your birthday. We know, to some degree, how their minds work, so when she sent that card, she likely did so from the heart and sincerely.

Just keep your emotions in check, that's all, remember the difficult side of her. That is what you can't go back to, that is what destroyed your marriage and that is what will never be fixed, so you continue letting go.

Feel good about it, Mitatsu, appreciate that you are still in her mind and even let some emotions go, if you need to. The hurt remains in all of us and we need, again, to rise above. if she returns, then simply tell her it's too late. She seems to recognize this but how many times have we all heard "I know we cannot be together... .".

Stay strong and resolute.



Again, everything depends on whether you can do so and maintain NC after that.

[mitatsu]

Ok took the higher moral ground as we are good people and all good deeds deserve praiseand sent a short text 'thank you for the card its lovely'

Wont allow myself any further exchanges as im doing so well and the damage caused was so great and ive trained for a hour and got into the zone 

[LimboFL]

Well done Mitatsu. I agree full heartedly. NOW... .do not expect a response and do not be let down if you don't get one. You did the right thing, now walk away and keep moving forward. No looking back.

Good luck!

[Mutt]

Hi mitatsu,

It's kind you sent a nice text.

I agree with LimboFL you may not get one in return.

Happy Birthday!

[DestroyedKnight]

Happy birthday Mitatsu, very proud of the great strides you are making my friend.I wish I was at the stage you are at right now but I will get there.Have a great day 

[myself]

"Always yours" yeah right.

She: May be partially sincere, partially wearing another mask.

You: Keep becoming whole, with a clear and loving heart. Happy birthday.

[Getting_There]

Same kind of thing just happened to me yesterday (which was my bday), except I received a Happy Birthday text from my expwBPD.  :/  I thought I had blocked her number... . Anyway, she's blocked now.

[dagwoodbowser]

Happy BDay! Celebrate your strength and boundaries. The Why's and How Come's are anyone's best guess. If she's true BPD always remember that they Act on Emotional Impulse, shoot first, never asking questions. If you've made a firm decision that you will not be manipulated anymore I wouldnt play with fire. Keep exchanges or whatever under your Terms. If you're like me, you want to be the one that says when. Proactive, not Reactive.

[Infared]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! , buddy.

I think including a photo of herself was a little past a nice gesture... .There was no need for that... .considering the circumstance off the relationship. Just my opinion.

... .so I agree with zunder... . FLAME ON!... .burn that tawdry gesture.

[downwhim]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

[mitatsu]

Thanks all   i actually dont want a reply if im honest i didnt want any contact or cards from her at all and i'm pleased with my indifference to her its another day now and life stands before me without F.O.G or eggshell walking and i'm feeling pretty good (have studied lots these past weeks and piecing together all her words and actions over the years has made it all 'fall into place'

thanks for your wishes