dissociate

[rarsweet]

Has anyone had their ex obviously dissacociate on the stand in court?

[scraps66]

Just read the definition.  I'm sure some have experienced this in the specific case when on the stand.

Mine has never been on the stand, but in therapy and discussions I do notice that there is a disassociation to reality.  It is as if she loses sight of reality amidst the numerous and continuous lies/distortions.  They begin to believe their stories.

[livednlearned]

I described a scene in the courtroom with my ex, and my T said it sounded like psychosis.

Court is stressful, even if you don't have a mental illness. For someone for whom feelings = facts, it can be even more so.

[rarsweet]

Exactly lnl, I think dissasocisting is what my ex is doing that so boggles me. Both times in court already he was out of it. Judge asked if he was on drugs. I can't imagine how he will be at final hearing on the stand. I almost can't wait.

[rarsweet]

What I notice is he is saying what a lot. Even at daughter Dr visit last week. They are aware we are seperated so they ask questions about both of our experiences with her. I would answer a question and then they would turn to him. Atleast three times they had to get his attention, one time he asked the dr to repeat the question. And he gets mad when you ask a pointed question. If you try to clarify like " so you are saying... .?", he gets mad. I think he is really angry at himself for being so confused. Thean can't even answer if asked for his full name. He will just say his first name, and then stumble when asked again" first name... .um... .last name" , and then get mad when told full name includes middle name. I've seen it.

[rarsweet]

In one police report he actually gave them his dads middle name instead of his, its so weird because ex has a very unusual middle name, its actually a type of metal of all things, really hard to mix it up.

[livednlearned]

What do you think is going on for him when he dissasociates? Did you notice these behaviors when you were in a relationship with him?

[rarsweet]

In the beginning I thought it was like he was thinking carefully before speaking. As time went on it just got weirder and weirder. I used to say living with him was like living with a ghost. He would just pass through. He is worse when under any stress, but there are times like simple Dr appointments I don't see what the stress could be. One time he had said to me " what I wouldn't give for you to fall off a cliff and die". After when I brought it up he denied ever saying it. At first I thought he was just a liar, now I think he doesn't really remember. His speech is almost incomprehensible now when under stress. I really have never heard anyone speak as he does, its almost like a stroke victim.  And it just keeps getting worse. And his voice, the tone, rythym, completely changes.

[rarsweet]

When having normal conversation he, forgive me, sounds kind of like when strait guys talk like they are gay.(no other way to put it), almost a lisp. When under stress he gets mumbling, drops words, pauses, mixes up words, doesn't use nouns, breaths heavy, then if you persist with the topic its like he's trying to talk and blow up a balloon at the same time, so much force.

[rarsweet]

I sent him 3 emails over 6 weeks time telling him daughter had a developmental assessment coming up and invited him. The last email I also told him daughter had her first tooth. He responded " bout time". Well he didn't come to the assessment of course so at our exchange I told him I would get him a copy of the assessment. His whole demeanor changed, he said " what assessment", I said the one I emailed about. He said " I thought that was tomorrow" I said " no tomorrow is her well child visit". Later when I got home he texts me and says he never got an email about the assessment. But he answered it when hr said "bout time"! Both subjects were in the email. And I stated the place, which is a private program, not her doctors. And I gave him a copy of her assessment from February. Now he is clueless about the whole situation. One time I emailed him " could we sit down and talk about daughters future", he said " stop trying to get us to meet", about  month later he got angry that I was insisting on email communication. I told him " you told me in an email that you didn't want to meet and have discussions, please look at your email, this is my only way to communicate" his response " IF YOU COULD READ you could see I said I don't want to SIT down." Its just boggling.

[livednlearned]

There may be other things going on with him, comorbid Axis I disorders that are hard for lay people to diagnose.

[ForeverDad]

My ex seemed to forget the things she wanted to forget, that way she could always blame me.  She had an excellent memory for anything I did that she felt was wrong, but she consistently denied being at fault.  Did she really know or did she truly forget?  I may never know for sure, so with all the conflict going on I had to presume she was doing it knowingly.

For example, before it became clear that the End of the Marriage was imminent, whenever I tried to calm her down from her rants and rages, unsuccessfully I might add, saying, "Look at our preschooler, he's trying to hide under the table (or beside the couch), please stop screaming" then she would retort, "It's your fault, you made me do it."  However, when the Implosion was approaching, she changed and instead said, "No, he's not, he's okay."  I could tell she was aware enough to be careful how she replied as we got closer to the separation.

I can't quite be sure whether my ex dissociates, so much seemed to be premeditated, purposeful and under her (admittedly loose) control.  I do recall one instance when I came home and she was calm.  (Those days it was a crap shoot who would be there when I came home.  Didn't matter whether she was okay or raging when I left, I never knew which mood she would be in when I got home.)  That time she started telling me about something, when then reminded her of something someone else had done or said.  Right in front of my eyes I saw her transform into her raging persona, her face got red and her facial features shifted.  I had absolutely nothing to do with it, she was just telling a story and some connection triggered her.

A few months ago she said she had a small stroke when she had been in an accident and knocked to the ground.  I don't know, I try to have as little contact with her as possible.  I don't think that is linked to the lessened conflict of the past year.  She still curses me out and rants and rages at the drop of a hat sometimes.  I've concluded the difference is that at the beginning of last year I got majority time and stopped paying child support* combined with the fact that our son was getting older (now a teen).  Her Entitlement bubble (since 2005) was finally deflated a bit.

* I had become Legal Guardian in 2011 but we continued to have equal time until I went back to court and got majority time during the school year at the beginning of 2014.  She got child support until then despite the equal time due to the disparity in reported income.  I say reported since I provided my income but she was imputed with minimum wage when she kept failing to document her income.