What to do when wrathman shows up?

So my BF is another episode. I stayed calm - likely disassociated - but stayed calm nonetheless. He said really hurtful things. I likely wasn't that validating but I wasn't a crumbling doormat or give as good as I got. He called me a liar - I said how? Other stuff... .I asked how? He had no answers and left, sent me song lyrics about it being over/suicide... .I freaked out. Was about to call the police (that would end his career that he loves) so I drove around for 10 min and found him walking, in the cold, with no coat. He saw me and went the other way. KNowing he was safe, I left him to his own devices. I was freaked out!

I thought about asking his sister (they are close) to call him during my panic thinking he was going to literally jump in the river - but who knows what he's telling her about evil me. She lives in a different country and defriended me on Facebook (hurtfully - we both really liked each other).

He's mad because I spent 4 days on my computer doing WORK and since we bought this house a month ago, he's been in episodes ( few days respite here and there). Earlier in the day, I asked if we could meet for coffee tonight "date" and he gave excuses. He was out of his episode for a few days but things aren't the same. So I started a conversation about feeling like he doesn't care and that we had decided when we bought the house that our relationship should come first. I even said it didn't have to be tonight - it wasn't manipulation. He asked me to go on dates more during his last episode. Sigh. That was a FAIL. Can you ever discuss your needs? It took me a long time to bite my tongue and wait for him to be out of the episode. Fine line between push/pull and standing up for your needs? I thought he was feeling engulfed so I backed off, went out more but clearly that didn't help. I feel like it's roulette brain... .

He came back and went to bed upstairs, was going to sleep in his car but I told him to take the bed and the dog and that I'd be fine on the couch. I want to comfort him (and me!) and go sleep with him but I said I'd stay on the couch. What do I do? I think he left bc he knew he was being a jerk, guilt... .and I did not get triggered. He really said hurtful horrible things.

I'm trying to be empathetic but I'm still so angry. I think part of me wants him to say the wrong thing and then it's irreconcilable (sp?) and I can leave without guilt. But then when I think about it, I love the man he is and he's been so kind and loving with me. Jekyl and Hyde... . In all honesty, I've lived on my own for a long time and even getting used to living with someone else is hard for me - and then to find out this rageman exists after we move in just simply is utterly overwhelming.

The support on here is such a Godsend. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to help. Sorry if this is jumbled my head is spinning... .



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