BPD's Face/ Look changes

[townhouse]

I've read back many months/ years but didn't see this topic but it may be here somewhere.

With the heading of this topic I would like to bring up for a discussion if other peoples BPD SO's actual facial features seem to change when they are dysregulating or not.

I have noticed that my partners face really changes depending what mood he is in.

When we first got together 13 years ago, I was of course smitten with him and after our dates I would try to remember what he looked like. I found, way back then that I was coming up with two faces. One, the big smile, open hugely generous, likeable face, the other older, worried, more downcast face. It was a puzzle to me then and a curiosity to me now.

I know this really happens as about 6-7 years ago some friends of mine came to visit us having met SO once before. We had several guests there and everyone was milling around. One of my friends said "where is "M" (my SO) I replied here he is as he was standing next to me... . she hadn't recognised him from the time before. I realised how different he looked because he was slightly dysreg because there were people there.

I guess other people have found this as well. Any thoughts?

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[Bassoutcast]

Come to think of it - my ex did have a variety of looks. When I looked back at pictures of her/us in different stages of the r/s, I probably wouldn't have said she was the same person I dated. Her face actually changed in shapes, sizes, eye dimensions, etc. She did sometimes wear excessive amounts of eyeliner, but her entire look changed rapidly depending on her mood (from frizzy-curly hair and loose, saggy clothing to straightened hair and skin-tight clothes, depending on her surroundings, etc).

She was even dressing like I did in the early stages! (typical black band T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, often necklaces, etc).

Never even thought about it before. that IS interesting.

[OffRoad]

This is an interesting subject. When my H is trying to people please, he gets a childlike happy look on his face. It looks like he is trying too hard to fit in. When he is very unhappy, trying not to dysregulate, it is almost a froggy face. When he IS dysregulating, it's a self righteous scowl, like the person getting dysregulated at DESERVES what they get.  And then there is a normal face, when everything is going according to plan and everyone is just happy. I've noticed this face is almost always reserved for when his parents are around. Weird... .

And yes, he can look like a completely different person, depending on the day.

[formflier]

 

Townhouse,

When my r/s was really rocky... .with lots of dysregs... .I saw lots of facial changes.

I would watch those changes to "take the temp" of how things were.

FF

[Michelle27]

WOW... .I'm so happy to see this topic.  Years ago I realized that I knew to be "on guard" when I saw a certain set in the muscles of his face.  That always precedes a dysregulation/rage.  I've even talked about it with him and he has even asked me to tell him to take an anti anxiety when I see it, but it rarely works... . 

I'm glad I'm not the only one to see this kind of thing.

[JRT]

Mine had some nervous ticks like gnawing on the inside of her lip... .she would also have boils break out.

[DreamerGirl]

I so relate to this topic.

I've noticed the change in looks also.  His eyes get smaller and he seems paler.  Not a good look, I try to stay away when I see him looking like this.

[waverider]

This is true for a number of reasons. When dysregulation occurs they go into single minded emotion, so awareness of everything else goes. If we get angry it doesn't totally consumes us, it may show but doesn't wipe everything else away.

This is also contrasted by the fact that when "regulated' they are to a degree creating an image which is a reflection of their single minded emotion of the moment.

So what is natural expression? It all gets confusing and full of contrasts.

As they often dont handle complex emotions simultaneously a "normal" centered expression rarely exists.

[townhouse]

Yes I have often wondered 'what is the natural expression' of his face. Which one is he?

I sometimes think the face that's there when he is not dysreg and has had a couple of beers (ie. not a lot to drink) is his 'real' face. He is relaxed and perhaps his feelings aren't so intense at that time.

There are more than two faces but in general there are two main ones.

It is also amazing how quick they can change. From totally old sort of sunken face when giving me the silent treatment, to the beaming open younger one if someone should happen to visit us eg. the builder... .because hardly anyone else pops in as we are living in the country away from family.

Perhaps I sound a little cynical.  Since finding this forum I feel like a whole mist has lifted from me and I can see and give voice to things I was pushing into the background before. There are so many stories that are similar that we all relate to.

I still love him completely but to coin a phrase it really is 'eyes wide open' now.

[friskey]

I am so glad you mentioned this subject. My SO has many personalities. Each has a different expression. But about two main ones. When he angry his whole demina changes. Once after he had gone NC for about two months. I just happened to meet him unaware in a shop. I really did not recognised him. It was the sound of his voice which made me aware of him. It was really sereal. Up to this day I dont know who he was talking to. I think it was himself.

[maryy16]

MyH's face changes also.  His facial muscles tighten up, eyes squint, and his bottom lip sticks out. When calm, his face is relaxed and his eyes are smiling.

What's interesting is that when he sleeps, most times he has the "mad" face, so I often wonder what he dreams about. Is it possible that even while sleeping they can have "episodes?"

[waverider]

What's interesting is that when he sleeps, most times he has the "mad" face, so I often wonder what he dreams about. Is it possible that even while sleeping they can have "episodes?"

My partners dreams are always about being persecuted by someone

[townhouse]

My partners sleeping face is a 3rd face again. He mostly looks troubled when asleep.

If he has dreamed about me in a bad way he can be very put out with me nearly the whole day. Mind you I know that feeling, of being unable to shake off a dream.

[ColdEthyl]

What's interesting is that when he sleeps, most times he has the "mad" face, so I often wonder what he dreams about. Is it possible that even while sleeping they can have "episodes?"

My partners dreams are always about being persecuted by someone

My H's dreams are always frustration, IE trying to run somewhere but can't, trying to keep rabbits out of the garden but can't, etc.

Interesting topic. My H has different faces, too. Of course you have the burning angry dysregulation face, but when he's excited about something, his face and eyes light up like a child. It sort of reminds me of how Robin Williams always struck me as a big child in some of his roles and had a child's face.

[Loosestrife]

This is an interesting subject. When my H is trying to people please, he gets a childlike happy look on his face. It looks like he is trying too hard to fit in. When he is very unhappy, trying not to dysregulate, it is almost a froggy face. When he IS dysregulating, it's a self righteous scowl, like the person getting dysregulated at DESERVES what they get.  And then there is a normal face, when everything is going according to plan and everyone is just happy. I've noticed this face is almost always reserved for when his parents are around. Weird... . 

And yes, he can look like a completely different person, depending on the day.

I can relate to this experience. My SO's face can change in an instant from smile to snarl... .unfortunately it takes a lot longer to change back the other way again

[MaroonLiquid]

I have a picture of my wife about 11-12 months ago right before the big dysregulation and one right after it about 10 months ago.  I used an app and put them side by side and it's pretty freaky.  Doesn't look like the same person.  In the dysregulated pic her eyes are glassy and her smile doesn't even look human.  You can tell she "isn't home".  One day I hope I get to show her the picture so she can see the difference for herself. 

[Oooohm]

In the dysregulated pic her eyes are glassy and her smile doesn't even look human.  You can tell she "isn't home". 

Yup... .I can relate.

My wife's eyes widen slightly and her jaw drops a bit, she extends her neck and her eyebrows raise, her mouth narrows in width.   The transformation is un-canny... .creepy, totally different. 

It's always a good sign to duck and cover.

[zundertowz]

What I remember most is her face beat red punching me in the face.

[friskey]

Yes it really intresting. My SO face goes betroot red when he get angry. I watched it travelfrom his neck upwards. Also he has sleep problems where he grinds his teeth at night. All I can say is that he never totally switches off when he sleeps. I had a full conversation with him while he's sleeping

He also poked me in the middle of the night for no reason. This went on for some time.

[ShadowIntheNight]

My uBPDexgf's eyes always turned black to me when she got angry. She has dark brown eyes anyway, but I mean it's like the retina disappeared and they were solid black!

But the oddest thing about her, to me, was how she looked different in most all of her pictures when I met her. One of the first ones she sent to me, I tell you, she never looked a thing like it. Then there are a few others I saw that just didn't look at all like her to me. She's smiling in them. She isn't in some weird state or anything, but she just looked different in every one of them. I would always ask her, why do you look so different from picture to picture. She never saw it... .

[zundertowz]

Yes it really intresting. My SO face goes betroot red when he get angry. I watched it travelfrom his neck upwards. Also he has sleep problems where he grinds his teeth at night. All I can say is that he never totally switches off when he sleeps. I had a full conversation with him while he's sleeping

He also poked me in the middle of the night for no reason. This went on for some time.

Beat red face and teeth grinding... .yes!

[friskey]

It is like they put on some type of persona. I read somewhere that pwBPD can have many personalities. A totally different person at work then at home. It is like they have different personality hats. Which they switch on and off to suit the occasion.

Really strange

[friskey]

Yes it really intresting. My SO face goes betroot red when he get angry. I watched it travelfrom his neck upwards. Also he has sleep problems where he grinds his teeth at night. All I can say is that he never totally switches off when he sleeps. I had a full conversation with him while he's sleeping

He also poked me in the middle of the night for no reason. This went on for some time.

Beat red face and teeth grinding... .yes!

Teeth grinding is an interesting on. It's another sign of trauma going on in their heads. My significant other has special mouth guards he has to put in at night to stop him from grinding his teeth down to nothing.

[sbr1050]

I have seen a few pictures of my ex since he left in December and he does not look the same as he did when he left.  His face looks fuller, chubbier.  His body looks the same (as in, he doesn't appear to have gained weight... .).   I do know that when he had his rages while we were together, his face dramatically changed

[friskey]

I remember reading somewhere that PWBPD Can change like a chameleon.  In one book review I read how an office worker with BPD actually compleatly changed the way she dressed. In the  coming to her therpy session from the office she was professional and business like. When she came fron home she was dressed down. In a skin tight skirt and behaved totally different. Almost childlike.

My SO was many different people. Changing his voice and accecent to suit the occasion. Going from smart to casual. Sometime using a local London accent. Back to his European accecent. My friend spoke on the phone to him hardly recognising the same person she spoke to before.

[Loosestrife]

I remember reading somewhere that PWBPD Can change like a chameleon.  In one book review I read how an office worker with BPD actually compleatly changed the way she dressed. In the  coming to her therpy session from the office she was professional and business like. When she came fron home she was dressed down. In a skin tight skirt and behaved totally different. Almost childlike.

My SO was many different people. Changing his voice and accecent to suit the occasion. Going from smart to casual. Sometime using a local London accent. Back to his European accecent. My friend spoke on the phone to him hardly recognising the same person she spoke to before.

I can relate to this too. My SO can change instantly eg with male/femal healthcare professionals or sales people when she wants a discount... .

[friskey]

But why do they change so dramatically. Is it because they really don't know who they are.

I think one day I will understand what really happening to him. For the moment it just so confusing. I know that as nons we do change a little bit depending who we deal with our where we are. But most of the time you are more or less the same person.

We are dealing with Dr Jeckell and Mr Hyde and all their cousin's.

[ColdEthyl]

We are dealing with Dr Jeckell and Mr Hyde and all their cousin's.

Yep I think you may be right... .perhaps it's because they don't know who they are exactly.

[rarsweet]

The first time realized I had to end it was when I was looking at him and didn't recognize him. He had the wide open bulging eyes, huge pupils, his neck was puffed out and his chin up. His whole body language changes too, like his posture and hand motions. Complete voice change. His breathing gets more labored. Now I know to look for him raising his chin, that's the start of it. And his words will be kind of like a clicking sound. Other times he seems stoned, vacant eyes, anxious, tight mouth. In a lot of his pics he seems girly, like doe eyed and fish lips.

[friskey]

Yep :)mine too has looked almost girl like. Again walking down the road he took on a faminin persona once. Doe eyed and camp. Really not sure what that was about.

I so pleased since coming onto this site my eyes have been open to all the crap that I Really thought that I was seeing too much into things.