Improve ourselves.

[LeonVa]

Good morning members:

Just read a random article about marriage and a line struck a chord with me.

“It just seems obvious that people would be older and wiser, or learn from the mistakes of a failed first marriage and do better next time around. But that’s like saying if you lose a football game you’ll win the next one. You will —but only if you learn some new plays before you go back on the field.”

It just occurred to me that if I put myself in the mindset of a sports team,when we lose a game, we never blame the other team for our lost. What do we do? We look into ourselves and see how we can improve!

The other team might have cheated, played dirty or whatever. We might have tried our best as well, but it doesn't mean we are a bad team, just that we have to know how to adjust ourselves in these situations, expect the "expected" and not let ourselves ruin a good game. We might meet these type of people again, we might meet our ex again, sometimes you just can't avoid it,  but we CAN improve ourselves through experiences.

Btw, I'm not talking about getting back with our ex spouses, that's crazy, but rather how do we move forward with a healthy mindset instead of dwelling on the fact of how crazy our BPD exes are and how they ruined our "game", stay bitter and all that. 

End of rambling, just want to share my thoughts.  I might relapse later, but for now, it brightens up my mood.

*Excuse me if my grammar is not up to par, English is not my first language.

[jhkbuzz]

Good morning members:

Just read a random article about marriage and a line struck a chord with me.

“It just seems obvious that people would be older and wiser, or learn from the mistakes of a failed first marriage and do better next time around. But that’s like saying if you lose a football game you’ll win the next one. You will —but only if you learn some new plays before you go back on the field.”

It just occurred to me that if I put myself in the mindset of a sports team,when we lose a game, we never blame the other team for our lost. What do we do? We look into ourselves and see how we can improve!

The other team might have cheated, played dirty or whatever. We might have tried our best as well, but it doesn't mean we are a bad team, just that we have to know how to adjust ourselves in these situations, expect the "expected" and not let ourselves ruin a good game. We might meet these type of people again, we might meet our ex again, sometimes you just can't avoid it,  but we CAN improve ourselves through experiences.

Btw, I'm not talking about getting back with our ex spouses, that's crazy, but rather how do we move forward with a healthy mindset instead of dwelling on the fact of how crazy our BPD exes are and how they ruined our "game", stay bitter and all that. 

End of rambling, just want to share my thoughts.  I might relapse later, but for now, it brightens up my mood.

*Excuse me if my grammar is not up to par, English is not my first language.

Those are some great thoughts! 

It's hard to accept in the beginning of your healing, but many talk about the "gift" of BPD relationships - that, although painful, they give us the opportunity to look deeply within ourselves to heal whatever needs to be healed.

It sounds like you've discovered this truth for yourself pretty quickly!

[Reforming]

Great Post LeonVa,

Learning to be our cheer leaders is one the valuable skills we can learn

As Jhk says we often don't feel ready for it in the early stages and it takes time and effort but working on this can transform our lives

Thanks for sharing

Reforming

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, a sports metaphor has value, in that you're right, we don't blame the other team, we look at ourselves and see what we can do better for next time, and good for you for focusing that way.  And of course metaphors have limitations, and the goal when a team loses is to become more competitive, against the opposition.  The best relationships are the ones where we're on the same team, us against the world or whatever, or maybe not competing with anything, just being together, and it's up to us to decide if the whole thing is a game or not.  So that's it!  Next I want to meet a future all-star, a top draft pick, a welcome addition to the team who can hold her own sure, but we're much stronger working together, teamwork baby!  The other team ain't got a chance... .

Your English is good BTW.