waverider, thank you for your response!
I've taken a look at the triangle and there is no doubt that I have been in the rescuer position a few times in our relationship, though I didn't necessarily realize it or think that was a bad thing. I see now though that with the role reversals of the triangle it can turn on a dime. Is there anyway to remain outside of the triangle? I don't think I'm actually in any of the positions right now although maybe victim. She has decided I have wronged her (dunno the specifics of what she didn't tell me,
) and she booted me without barely an explanation, so we are on a break which is fine with me as it's allowed me to regroup, separate my emotions from hers and be in a much better place to be there for her if she needs me. (Not fix anything for her, just be there like a friend not a rescuer.)
Right now I would say I feel distress over our daughters not being able to hang out, since she always said she'd never let anything with us get in the way of them being friends. She may have meant it at the time, but now I am seeing how obviously she doesn't mean it now since she is withholding the girls from one another (or from me not sure which). The thing is (and I would never say this to her as it would illicit a HUGE rage) I see how much this behavior mimics her soon-to-be ex-husband's. He told her when she could have her daughter, he choose the days, if he changes his mind, the schedule changes, if he wants her earlier he gets her early, etc. There is almost no compromise and in the past if she did something to upset him, like when she left after his last affair he withheld their daughter until she came back to punish her and get her to do what he wanted. Now I feel in almost the same position, she knows how much the girl's relationship means to me and sometimes I feel like she won't allow them to hang out just as her husband would when she wasn't doing what he wanted.
The girls have had such fun times together and I think about times coming up like my daughter's birthday in a few months and I can't imagine her best friend not being there. So much so I would want to call her soon-to-be ex-husband to pick up the little one so the girls can enjoy a day together, but I know this would cause my best friend to rage. Is there no way I can get her to see she is only punishing herself and the girls with her behavior? I'm realizing I'm more ok with the distance, but I hate her daughter thinking we don't love or want to be with her, especially if she thinks my daughter doesn't want to be her friend anymore as that couldn't be further from the truth.
Thank you!
