BPD if no harm to self?

[Parents! Get help here!]

I think my AD is BPD but I don't know of any self-harming behaviors. She never cut herself that I know of, attempted suicide, etc. She does overeat at times so her weight fluctuates. When she was about 10 she pulled all her eyelashes out. She is 28 now and about to have her third baby. She lives 400 miles away so I am not familiar with all her behaviors any more but she is on a real nasty hate campaign against me and her father and she just won't stop. Can she be BPD without self-harming? Maybe she has behaviors I am not aware of. She sure is in a downward spiral. She makes no logical sense and she definitely is projecting all her flaws on me - ie.-You need to take responsibility for your decisions, You are so selfish, Nobody likes you. And so on. I was so crushed when she started all these accusations. In a state of shock really. Then I said to myself who does that? I was never a fan of my parents but I never talked to them like that.

[feebeetyler]

I think my AD is BPD but I don't know of any self-harming behaviors. She never cut herself that I know of, attempted suicide, etc. She does overeat at times so her weight fluctuates. When she was about 10 she pulled all her eyelashes out. She is 28 now and about to have her third baby. She lives 400 miles away so I am not familiar with all her behaviors any more but she is on a real nasty hate campaign against me and her father and she just won't stop. Can she be BPD without self-harming? Maybe she has behaviors I am not aware of. She sure is in a downward spiral. She makes no logical sense and she definitely is projecting all her flaws on me - ie.-You need to take responsibility for your decisions, You are so selfish, Nobody likes you. And so on. I was so crushed when she started all these accusations. In a state of shock really. Then I said to myself who does that? I was never a fan of my parents but I never talked to them like that.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

My daughter never self harmed in the "typical" way, such as cutting.  She did it in other ways, such as promiscuity, poor decisions that led to bad things happening to her, overeating, failing to take care of her finances, lying and losing jobs because of it.  I don't know if this will help, but my daughter was/is diagnosed with BPD, but is doing incredibly well right now so there is hope.

[Mike-X]

Welcome to the boards. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. However, I am glad that you found the boards and posted.

The short answer to your question is 'yes someone can have BPD without self-harming.'

Self-harming, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal behaviors do make up a set of symptom criteria associated with BPD.

However, there are several criteria, and a person with BPD does not have meet all of the criteria to receive the diagnosis.

Also, please several organizations have produced diagnostic criteria, and the various criteria do get revised as more is learned about the disorder.

The following is a link to an article on diagnostic criteria:

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm

[Mike-X]

I think shellschocked captures how I felt when my uBPDgf and I lived together.

Have you seen the lessons on communication tools?

[js friend]

Hi Feebeetyler,

My dd20 was dx as emerging PD at 15yo and  also doesnt self harm in the typical outward sense of OD's or cutting, but she does it in other ways such as sleeping around using no protection,binge drinking,neglecting her own physical/mental health.Also she has an online shopping addiction spending what she really hasnt got, driving  too fast and recklessly getting into accidents and the more common BPD behaviours of lying and cutting off friends and family due to hate campaigns, so regularly losing her support systems.

[Linda Maria]

Hi feebeetyler!  Sorry to hear what you are going through with your daughter.  I believe my sister has BPD (undiagnosed).  The nightmare with her only got really bad around 2 years ago after my Mum died.  She started a massive and truly vile smear campaign against me, and made all sorts of weird and horrible accusations.  For ages I could not work it out, but I kept reading up on pathological lying, as that seemed to be the main feature of her behaviour, and eventually came across BPD and then a lot of things fell into place.  I was confused for a long time, because initially I kept reading it was associated with abusive childhoods which was certainly not the case, and that BPDs typically were promiscuous, self-harming, indulging in risky behaviour etc.  But eventually I found out about high functioning BPDs which is what I think my sister is, she is intelligent, has held good jobs in the past, has a university degree etc. but things always go wrong eventually, all her work situations go wrong, it's always someone else's fault, she is always (allegedly) bullied, harassed etc. she always tries to bring complaints against people, is obsessed with getting compensation from people, and none of it really quite adds up.  So - it took me a long time to feel comfortable in believing that she is BPD, as initially there was a lot that didn't fit.  It can take a while to work through it all.  Best wishes.

[enlighten me]

As has been mentioned self harm is only one of the nine criteria that make up BPD and only five are needed for a diagnosis.

Self harm is a very private thing and a lot of parents will not know its going on. It doesnt have to be as obvious as cutting. Hitting things, pinching anything that causes pain to them could be enough. My exgf ticks seven of the nine criteria. Self harm is one of the ones i would say she doesnt do. That said though she used to talk about how she liked being spanked. Sorry if its inapropriate but it got me wondering about whether she liked to be punished rather than punish herself.

[feebeetyler]

Thanks for all the replies. I feel my AD is BPD without the self-harming. She just hates me so much now it is incredible. She is having a baby and I know nothing of her pregnancy. She is due this month and I won't even know when it is born. With the first one, she called me when she was in labor and kept me on the phone the whole time until it was time to deliver. I am totally cut off from her and her family. It's so sad. I know I will find a way to survive this but I cry a little almost every day. If she's not BPD, she's a really nasty person which of course I don't want to believe.