I am a mother surrogate. And oh ya, I'm a guy. Is this common?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My undiagnosed gf went away recently to see her family and while she was gone her need for contact with me decreased significantly.

For a long time I've suspected she sees me as a parental surrogate and when i asked she said yes that i was a substitute for her mother. I'm not insulted, more bemused really, just wondering how common this is.

I've accepted the part of emotional caretaker and obviously enjoy it even though I know how unhealthy it is.

But sometimes it gets weird. Her mother will neglect her (didn't phone her to make sure she got home safely) and she lashed out at me accusing me of same even when I did. She later apologized and said she was taking her anger toward her mother out on me and she sometimes gets us confused.

I asked her if she's done this with other people before and she said yes, it was normal for her.

Is this part of the pathology: countertransference of partner as parental object? Anybody else have any experience with this?

[barterbarter]

My undiagnosed gf went away recently to see her family and while she was gone her need for contact with me decreased significantly.

For a long time I've suspected she sees me as a parental surrogate and when i asked she said yes that i was a substitute for her mother. I'm not insulted, more bemused really, just wondering how common this is.

I've accepted the part of emotional caretaker and obviously enjoy it even though I know how unhealthy it is.

But sometimes it gets weird. Her mother will neglect her (didn't phone her to make sure she got home safely) and she lashed out at me accusing me of same even when I did. She later apologized and said she was taking her anger toward her mother out on me and she sometimes gets us confused.

I asked her if she's done this with other people before and she said yes, it was normal for her.

Is this part of the pathology: countertransference of partner as parental object? Anybody else have any experience with this?

[ShadowIntheNight]

I'm a woman and I'm pretty sure there were times my uBPDexgf spoke to me the way she wanted to speak to toward her mother. In 10 years I never heard her speak BAdly toward her mother or even about her mother. It's as if there were no negatives assigned to her mother. Her mom was perfect. BUT the times my exgf majorly let me have it, She had just had a conversation with her mother who had said something to her either negative or construing displeasure that may have made my ex feel she would be abandoned. Since I've been out of the relationship, I've come to realize how controlling and domineering her mother actually is.

So yes, I do believe the parental transference happens. It's odd that she directs her mom's energy toward you though!

[Loosestrife]

I also think this transference is common and I have  experienced it too