Introduce Myself

[jacquis]

HI there, i have a 15 year old daughter that has BPD traits - the psychiatrist wont give a diagnosis given her age but he did suggest i read Valerie Porr's book Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder which was great, i felt like i'd found my tribe if that makes sense.

Im hear to learn and try and find positive stories of parents who's children have made it out the other side.  From my understanding (which is very limited!) BPD is very treatable.

Looking forward to getting to know you all and hearing your stories.

thanks

j

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi jacquis,

Welcome to the Parents Board, we are glad that you joined us here.

I'm sorry to learn that your daughter has traits of BPD and glad that you have some insight into what she is struggling with.  Knowing what the problem is can help us begin to look for solutions.

Does your daughter attend therapy with her psychiatrist or does she also have a psychologist that she sees?

BPD is very treatable, learning how to manage the emotions they have helps them tremendously.  We are here to learn the skills we need to be a model for our kids to follow and to support one another as we learn these skills.

Can you tell us what you struggle with the most in parenting your d15? 

I look forward to learning more about you and your daughter.

lbjnltx

[jacquis]

Hi there Lbjnltx,

thank you for your welcome.

She's currently not in therapy - we are waiting to hear back as she is on the waiting list to see a sexual abuse therapist.  She has been seeing differing councilors with differing degrees of success for many years now.  I feel quite lost.

What i'm struggling most with - that would be finding the right person for her to see to help her.

Other things i'm struggling with are the fear of her next melt down, that when i have found good therapists she doesn't engage with them, that things wont get better, her behaviour affects my ability to work and being a single parent home that is frightening, I'm struggling with being so tired, I'm struggling that my best will not be enough to assist her in getting better, that i'm doing this all wrong, I'm struggling with how much it hurts to watch her in pain

I wonder if i'm best to back off with trying to find therapists and wait until she actually asks and is her requesting it - anything that is my idea is black marked before she will even give it an opportunity

I'm looking forward to reading others journeys

[lbjnltx]

Hi again jacquis,

First I want to give you a big   and tell you that you are not alone.  Myself and countless others here have and do have the same struggles, fears, uncertainty and concern that you have.

I'm sad to hear that your d15 has suffered sexual abuse. This must be weighing heavy on you as a mom.  Do you know what type of therapy she would receive from a sex abuse counselor? 

What types of therapy has she had in the past and which ones do you feel were helpful? 

Progress is slow and sometimes it seems no progress is made at all.  I think you are doing the right thing by having her in therapy even though she doesn't want to go.  My situation was similar in that it was a requirement and not negotiable.  My d was in weekly outpatient therapy for 2 years and inpatient for 10 months.  After the 10 months she did neurofeedback therapy for about 4 months and went back to her weekly therapy until she moved away.

There are skills we can learn to help our kids become part of the decision making process and give them some sense of power and responsibility for their own recovery.  Through validation, validating questions, boundaries and limits a more cooperative process can take the place of forced compliance.  It can be difficult to achieve and maintain and it is possible.  As her mom and as a parent it will be up to you to lead her, support her and model the skills for her.  It's a big job and we are here to help you do this.

Our own fears often get in the way of the learning process... .ours and our kids.  I personally began to develop an anxiety disorder when my daughter, then 12 yrs. old, was at her worst.  The meltdowns were horrible and confusing to witness.  It didn't seem I had any way to help her.  Once I began to read here and read books I got enough insight to know I needed to be mentally and emotionally safe to absorb the skills and practice them.  I set boundaries to protect myself and once I did that I had a safe and affective plan to implement when my d would go into a rage. 

Is this something that you need to do as well?  Have a safe and effective plan for meltdowns?

lbj

[jacquis]

Hi again Lbjn,

thanks for the hug, much appreciated.  It's heartening to know that there are others out there who have been through what we're going through.

I honestly dont know what type of therapy - I can definitely enquire with them.  When i have asked that question in the past i've had CBT and "a mix of therapies depending on what arises" this makes me feel quite uncomfortable - I wonder if i'm valid in that concern.  This was prior to the psychiatrist saying that she has BPD traits.

Thank you for your opinion regarding keeping her in therapy even if she doesn't wish to.  I will find another therapist and get her in as soon as i can.

Thank you for sharing how you made yourself safe in times of your D's rage, I also need to look at how i manage myself in those times, currently i get incredibly anxious and do not function well but i am improving.

I have watched one of the videos from this site and i will continue to read and learn as much as i can.

Have a great day