Good things we learned learned from our exes

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all,

Today what came to mind is all the good things I learned from my ex, gifts that I want to carry with me as my own now, flowers that I can take care of and have blossom:

Renewed appreciation for fiction: I'm going to try to always have a book that I'm reading, and think of that in part as her company.
Ease with intimacy and affection: She was so warm and affectionate-- I'm going to try to be more like that myself.
Ability to experience a fuller range of emotions, e.g. anger: She had the confidence to get angry. This one is tough for me, but she is a good (albeit extreme) example of letting herself feel anger.
Attention to transitions-- what to do to build a new life. She does a great job in rebuilding her life (maybe because she has had to do it a lot). She joins groups, gets out, doesn't stop moving forward.
More practice in letting go and radical acceptance.

There's more but those are the first things that come to mind.

[kc sunshine]

Hi all,

Today what came to mind is all the good things I learned from my ex, gifts that I want to carry with me as my own now, flowers that I can take care of and have blossom:

Renewed appreciation for fiction: I'm going to try to always have a book that I'm reading, and think of that in part as her company.
Ease with intimacy and affection: She was so warm and affectionate-- I'm going to try to be more like that myself.
Ability to experience a fuller range of emotions, e.g. anger: She had the confidence to get angry. This one is tough for me, but she is a good (albeit extreme) example of letting herself feel anger.
Attention to transitions-- what to do to build a new life. She does a great job in rebuilding her life (maybe because she has had to do it a lot). She joins groups, gets out, doesn't stop moving forward.
More practice in letting go and radical acceptance.

There's more but those are the first things that come to mind.

[Reforming]

Hi KC,

It's an interesting subject and a worthwhile thread. I think reconciling the good and bad parts of our exes is one of the most challenging aspect of moving forward. But it's really import healthy to accept the positives of a person along with their negatives.

My ex could be highly sensitive to the needs of others - to an extreme degree which kind of goes with territory. The positive side of this was that it made me more aware of the sensitivities of others.

She has a remarkable capacity for work and when she commits to a project she gives 100%. She is also a very good team player.

She understands the need to be present with children without overwhelming or dominating them. Something I needed to learn. We didn't have children so I'm talking about nephews and nieces.

She has a real love of animals and she respected them and gave them space.

She could be very supportive and she was physically affectionate - something that I initially found difficult.

She is very bright and she has a first class analytical brain. She has energy and she can be very good company.

Reforming

[Meili]

My x taught me more about myself and the person that I want to be than anything. She did have some amazingly good qualities though that I highly respect and love about her.

She was very organized. I am not. I was when I was with her and want to be that way again as I move forward on my own.

She was outgoing and ambitious. Although, as it turns out, that was probably more of her mask than it was of her. Either way, it was something that she brought out in me and I'd like to hold onto it.

As with Reforming's ex, mine could be very supportive. More so than I have ever experienced with anyone in my life. She seemed to truly believe in my abilities when not devaluing.

As with KC's ex, attention to transitions, affection, intimacy, and a broader range of emotions.