Dealing with lack of intimacy

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Its been 10 weeks now since split, Im sure some of you know my story. The last week I have been mentally struggling with having no "intimacy" in my life, I guess when I was in the relationship with XBPD, intimacy was available whenever I wanted, and its not until its gone that you start feeling such a powerful loss of it. I am doing ok with not thinking about the fact she is having "intimacy" with her new BF she cheated on me with, I am more struggling with the gaping hole that I feel in my life now without her in it, the "imtimacy" we had was explosive, very good and very regular.

Any thoughts as to how I could look at this differently to improved my mental outlook?

[runningup]

Its been 10 weeks now since split, Im sure some of you know my story. The last week I have been mentally struggling with having no "intimacy" in my life, I guess when I was in the relationship with XBPD, intimacy was available whenever I wanted, and its not until its gone that you start feeling such a powerful loss of it. I am doing ok with not thinking about the fact she is having "intimacy" with her new BF she cheated on me with, I am more struggling with the gaping hole that I feel in my life now without her in it, the "imtimacy" we had was explosive, very good and very regular.

Any thoughts as to how I could look at this differently to improved my mental outlook?

[EaglesJuju]

Losing intimacy is very difficult, especially if it is explosive and very good. Ending a relationship with a pwBPD, is like going through withdraw. In the beginning, you still crave the euphoric feelings attached to the relationship. These feelings will pass.

Although the intimacy was good, what types of things upset or frustrated you in the relationship?

[runningup]

Yes there were many things that upset me in the relationship

- rage

- physical sbuse

- mental abuse

- lack of empathy

- lack of understanding

- push pull

- mis-trust

- lies

- history of hers

- support

To name a few important ones

[Mutt]

- rage

- physical sbuse

- mental abuse

- lack of empathy

- lack of understanding

- push pull

- mis-trust

- lies

- history of hers

- support

I think that the question that you ask is how to look at this from a different mental outlook... .

the "imtimacy" we had was explosive, very good and very regular.

One way I think you could look at it is pro's and cons.

The juice is not worth the squeeze.

[Inside]

I remember it well…  Too well, but that’s all they’ve got.  And, they use it up quick   It would have ended whether you were still with her, or not.  They can’t take the next step, or - they’ll take it - then fall on their faces ... .with dead marriages, children in the mix, more cheating and endless destructive behavior... .

You experienced all she’s got, the pull.  But instead of describing her limits, with dignity, she’s repeating her cycle, with another…  It’s as close to love as they get, and (thinking back), we should pity them.  We get to truly move on, avoid anything closely related to BPD, eventually progressing to the next level of love, and beyond.  Committed capable love

Love and life are more than fast times, at best, some of both!  You got some - but she can’t give both.  File the memories, then make more.