For my side
Weakness, neediness, insecurity, low self esteem, fear, controlling behaviour, trying to be her therapist, letting her behaviour effect me too much.
Bpd - codependent relationships will never work
Bpd - healthy non, well there is less data on how this works out.
My mindset is as I say, I'm not looking forward too much, I am also not "scared" of her anymore, she has no ability to make me feel any way unless I hand her that power.
My life is good and she's welcome in it IF she behaves respectful. If not, I'm good.
--Really curious how you've overcome, in such a short time, all these negative patterns and deep issues you listed. If you could share more about the process you took to get there it would certainly help many people here (not that you're in the 'helping people' business anymore). BTW, the things you listed also lead to the "OOPS", didn't they (showing they still apply), more than the alcohol? Was she drunk, too, or just being herself (too)?
--There is plenty of data on how 'nons' make (or try to make) their relationships work, on the Staying Board as Skip recommended. It includes learning to accept the bad behaviors, and making other concessions like learning to not take things as personally, and often there is minimum positive change on the part of the pwBPD. You wouldn't have to look too far ahead to see that your gf hasn't had enough time yet to really face herself and her issues, and sincerely work on them
for herself first (and then a possible r/s). OK,
IF she does, you're cool with it. The odds aren't there though. But like the last couple of times you went through this, this site and its support will be here for you when you need it. (And I'm speaking from experience, having gone through more recycles than I probably should have, too. Thinking things were better than they really were. Although, it took as many times as it took until I opened my eyes and kept them open.)
--Why would you choose to go backward to be with someone who has no power to make you feel anything? What kind of r/s is that? It sounds like you feel you don't really deserve better, and that in some ways you've shut yourself down more than opened up. Why? How is it "I'm good"? If you were really doing well, wouldn't you not be going through "OOPS"-type situations with "the ol' BPD" (Does she know you think of/label her as such? How long will you continue doing so? Until she's 'cured' by being with you?) So, you won't allow yourself to feel anything with her until she's proven to be respectful at all times, and not disappear on you again and again when things are going well? Time will tell... .Again, best of luck with this.
